AIBU primary teacher branding granddaughter racist

[midlifediva]

AIBU I am fuming, grand daughter was told off by her teacher and called racist, she is only 8. A child in her class siad her new hair style was horrible and made her look poor, she retaliated by saying at least I am not Russian. (the other child is Russian) She was punished by her teacher and marked as racist in some "bad mark book" The other child was not punished. She then cried and when her friends tried to comfort her they were also punished. She is good at school, works hard and is frequently praised for her kindness to others. This new teacher has overstepped the mark IMHO..

Which is why all the legal definition around hate crime is wrong

Your dd is racist. Calling out someone’s race when they poke fun at your hair is not something a child raised properly would do. Examine your home life and drag yourselves to the modern day.

i would not worry about what happened to the other child, your concern is your own granddaughter. Sit her down and let her know why what she said was inappropriate. Seems simple to me.

I think it's wrong though that other children got in trouble for trying to comfort your granddaughter.

" as the last class of the day and had trotted off quite happy"

How do you even know all this, OP?

I’m a teacher. I do think because of the requirement to record racist incidents there can sometimes be a lack of perspective in schools when we are talking about young children trading insults. Clearly what she said isn’t okay, but in my opinion it should be calmly explained that it isn’t okay to make negative remarks based on someone’s ethnicity and that people consider that racist. Also why it might be very hurtful. The other child also meant to be insulting and hurtful. My experience is that children don’t just magically know that insults about ethnicity or nationality are considered by society to be worse than ones about wealth, status or intelligence. I think the requirement to report should start at secondary when children would reasonably understand these things. At primary it should be dealt with like other bullying unless it is a repeat offender. Primary school is were children need to learn these things. You learn from being taught not punished more severely for reasons you don’t understand and no one explains.

Of course what she said was racist. How can you not see that, OP?

midlifediva
No, my gripe is the other child was not punished at all.

How do you know this? the school won't tell you.

You're massively overthinking this.

Your granddaughter said something she shouldn't have, got in trouble.

It's FINE. Get over it, she probably will be over it before you at this rate!

Feenie - where did your extract come from?

i would not worry about what happened to the other child, your concern is your own granddaughter. Sit her down and let her know why what she said was inappropriate. Seems simple to me.

This a thousand times. I would acknowledge that what the other child said was wrong and that your GD probably felt justifiably angry but I would concentrate on her reaction to the comment not on the other child's comment. Your GG is not responsible for the other child's behaviour she is responsible for her own.

@Worriedmummybekind
I’m sorry really hope you’re not teaching in a school anywhere near me a child of eight has been at school for at least 4 years even if the OP’s daughter picked up her racist behaviour at home it’s the schools job to talk about fairness and equality.
I’m pretty sure it’s part of the curriculum in KS1 as the children at DC’s school knew it was wrong by year 2-3

I'd want the other child told off too, what she said wasn't nice, it's bullying let's face it and needs to be nipped in the bud. Your grand daughter said what she said out of retaliation. I'd ask to see this report so that it is clear that the insult was made after the other girl picked on her.

Your grand daughter has learnt she can't call someone Russian, the other girl needs to know saying someone is poor is equally wrong and nasty and she'll also face consequences for bullying.

This document, greenlanes.

Can you not see the difference? One is “makes you look” and is a state, which can be subject to change. The other defines in absolute terms. Both are derogatory and both should be punished.

the reaction of the teacher seems extreme and unbalanced
technically racist
This new teacher has overstepped the mark
other child was not punished and had started the issue with the "poverty shaming" comment

YOU WERE NOT THERE. You have no idea whether things happened as you describe. To imagine an 8 YO (even a lovely one) who has been told off does not minimise, distort and excuse their behaviour is just silly. Now you are minimising and excusing it further.

It is the teacher's call how to sanction your child's misbehaviour in school- not yours. Unless they are egregiously wrong you back them up and mind your own bloody business about how they dealt with the other child.

Now IF you really think that they might have called your child racist (not merely said 'that is a racist thing to say') and then ostentatiously silenced the class while her name was written in a big book of racists at the front, then of course you should go in for a chat.

I would advise you to be circumspect in the way you address the teacher because I think there is a very good chance the incident did not occur as you imagine.

In your situation I would tell my kid that everyone is equal and not to make derogatory comments about other nationalities and then move on.

Your gd should have been punished for being xenophobic and the other girl should have been punished (equally punished) for being a vindictive little bitch who is judging your gd on perceived socioeconomic status.

Your gd retaliated, didn't instigate. As a teacher i would take account of that internally but i wouldn't say it out loud as kids need to learn that two wrongs don't make a right

*Personally I think "at least I'm not Russian" is an odd thing for an 8 year old to say.

Agreed. Sounds like she's somehow formed quite a negative view of Russians*

Or it could just as easily have been "At least I'm not fat/ginger/freckly/blond/short/wearing a JoJo Bow!" Impossible for us to know.

Racism is practice of discriminating against people based on their race,national or ethnic background,so according to this your DGD was racist.
I would be mortified.

@Feenie 's definition shows derogatory remarks about a nationality are racist.

the other girl should have been punished (equally punished) for being a vindictive little bitch

"Vindictive" is to do with revenge. only one child was doing something in retaliation...

yes the remark she made is technically racist

As opposed to what? It was racist, no technically about it.

No idea why she said what she did, she is not racist at all.

But she is. And she's learning that from somewhere, either her parents or other family like you.

Or it could just as easily have been "At least I'm not fat/ginger/freckly/blond/short/wearing a JoJo Bow!" Impossible for us to know.

Except it wasn't any of those other things, which are all things I would expect an 8 year old to come up with.

Making a comment about looking poor is unkind and spiteful. But poverty isn’t a protected characteristic unlike your nationality or race or gender etc.
Saying “at least I’m not Russian” suggests that being Russian is worse than her insult.

If this had been “at least I’m not black/Asian” or someone who looks physically different (like me) this thread would be unanimous. But for some reason it’s more acceptable to be racist to somebody who is Caucasian but from a different country. The racism that has been directed at my husband has been absolutely horrendous since he came here.

Would you be so outraged if the other girl was black and your GDD has commented negatively on that? This isn’t any different. She deserved to be pulled up on it, notwithstanding that the other girl wasn’t very nice.