Beating Sugar addiction and lifelong eating disorder.

[Dina82]

After 23 years of bulimia and binge eating I have concluded that I cannot stop emotional eating.

It's too ingrained in me and I say this having had many sessions with a psychologist but it has not helped. Yes, I recognise any negative emotion, regardless of how minute causes me to feel hungry and eat sweet foods which results in binging and occasionally purging.

I have for the last 20+ years tried, self help books ( I've lost count how many) , psychologists ( approx 2 times in this duration, ( several eating programmes that I can never stick too.

Last year I gargled with bleach just to physically make myself unable to eat or binge. It didn't do anything.

I only ever binge on sweet foods so is it unreasonable of me to make a decision never to eat cake/ sweets: desserts again as this is what is exasperating the emotional eating.

I have tried it in the past but only lasted 12 days. What other option do I have? I often think of how I will take this with my to the grave.

I come across as confident, articulate, and strong but I'm a complete train wreck. Sometimes I just wish to die as I literally have exhausted all options.

I tried Prozac last year and it helped briefly with the intensity of the binges but after 3 months I was binging again.

Struggling so badly. Had dinner and know I'm not craving but just need a sugar rush/ hit. Trying to stay distracted but doubt I will manage

Stay strong! It is soon bedtime and then you've made it through the day successfully.

A little update. This is for all posters who are struggling with similar issues and struggles. I owe it to you all to discuss what happened this evening hoping it may help someone understand the emotional / subconscious side of addiction.

Had a major urge to binge on chocolate this evening. I knew I wasn't hungry but it was as strong a craving/ urge as I've ever had. I felt completely powerless to resist it and assumed it would be inevitable as it was so strong. It's lasted around an hour and I came so close to giving in as I was going in and out the kitchen several times. Just needed something for a quick rush. The shame of posting back here saying I had given up already made me go upstairs to get things sorted for tomorrow which I had been avoiding.

I then focused on organising an outfit for tomorrow. Majority of my wardrobe is currently a size too small and I was nervous about deciding what to wear tomorrow for an event. Coordinated a decent outfit and felt so much relief !!!

To conclude I realised this is what the intense urge had tried to make me avoid. It was a way of distraction so I wouldn't need to face finding something suitable that fits.
Even something as trivial and minor as this is making me crave sugar as a means of Distraction.

To anyone reading this without having an emotional attachment to food, this will come across as unbelievable and bizarre but this is how my brain is programmed. It's all happens subconsciously.

I could have virtually written your op (I don't purge however). I wanted to thank you for starting this thread and to all of the posters too. You are not alone. I have the same demon in me that makes me so unhappy. I downloaded a sobriety app last night and did my first day sugar free. I don't think I've ever ever done a whole day with no sugar.

The part that resonated with me op was when you mentioned no more high from sugar. I feel my day will empty without that rush and I find that very scary. It's bizarre, it's controlled my whole adult life, I'm 41 now I don't want to be like this forever.

Well done for distracting yourself. Please keep posting as I'm here too reading x

Oh that's fantastic OP amazing progress. And you'll feel so much more positive in the morning having got over that hurdle.

Dina me too. I hadn't thought about it like that, but, I do definitely use food to zone out and occupy myself instead of dealing with the stuff that needs dealing with.

That's very insightful, thank you.

Also, well bloody done. Has last night's triumph given you a wee boost? Hope you feel good today at your event, your outfit is lovely, by the way.

Sugar can be hard to give up, it makes me feel hungry again shortly after eating it. The way I got my food obsession under control was by fasting, it was difficult the first day but became much much easier within days, less than a week. If you look up 16:8 that's a good place to start.

Thought I would quickly post with an update.
Was doing well albeit finding it hard not to eat any sugary substance when stressed or in need of distraction but managed

However woke up this morning and had a slice of cake and some chocolate with a cup of tea. My rationale being that I can have something I desire only on one day A week and not throughout the day.

It wasn't pre- planned but something I craved for no apparent reason.

Having had a lifetime addiction to sugar I wonder if going 6 days a week NO sweet treats and just have one portion of it will be manageable.

I have tried this on many occasions and have failed. I've always sneakily started having treats here and there through out the week.
I have a slightly different mindset this time, that I can manage to. Control my eating for several days. I managed to go 6 days without.

I'm not sure if it's reasonable to say I won't ever eat sugar again.

This easy I won't so overwhelmingly deprived.
For what it's worth the cake tasted amazing but the chocolate was completely blaaaah.

Apologies for typos.
Its meant to say this way I'm not feeling deprived.

Sorry not read all the posts so don't know if anyone already mentioned but I would really recommend you try the Thrive Programme (Google 'Thrive Rob Kelly'). It will give you a totally different perspective on what you're going through, and give you the skills to turn it around and start feeling good about yourself.

Dina it's a new way of life, it has to be sustainable.

I had two four bits of flapjack last night with chocolate on the top . I'd made the flapjack. So, my rule is, do I REALLY want it? If I do, and I am only having a portion, then, that is ok. Otherwise, I'd eat the whole thing.

As it was, I had one burned bit, then decided I was doing myself a disservice and that I deserved a nice bit. So I ate that. Mysteriously, two more vanished without me noticing...now, normally I'd finish the lot after that, but, I didn't. I recognised that I'd enjoyed the one, nice one that I ate, and I'd slipped up with two habitual ones ignored the horrible one that I bravely managed to chew through. It's ok to slip up.

I went to bed, because I knew that if I stayed up watching tv then I'd eat the rest. And, I feel fine today.

We are changing habits for life, I think that you eating a bit of cake that you actually enjoyed, and recognising the chocolate was a bit crap is a good thing. Previously, would you have reflected on the chocolate, or just wolfed it down mindlessly?

My view and the view from the Harcombe diet is that such binges on sugary items will continue, because you are still eating carbohydrates in general. The body doesn't recognise the difference between sugar/chocolate and something savoury like potatoes, pasta, rice or bread. It acts exactly the same; releases insulin to deal with the spike, and then your blood sugar drops right down.

Given what you have said, if you trace back what you ate the night before this happened, or a few hours before, I would bet it was a meal that had significant potatoes, rice, bread, or pasta, and probably white versions/highly processed ones which spike your blood sugar up and drop it right down. So it is inevitable that your body is physiologically then craving something sugar to spike it up again. And the cycle continues, on and on.

I say again that your issue is not that you are addicted to sugar. It is that you are addicted to carbs. You said that potatoes aren't the devil, but in your case and many many people in this situation, actually they and other carbs are the cause of all of this. You are eating them and then suffering the physical reaction but blaming it on your willpower failing. It's not your willpower, it's a physiological craving that is nigh on impossible to overcome for more than a few days.

They do say that the definition of crazy is to do the same thing over and over again and to expect different results. This is in essence what you are doing and the cake and chocolate slip ups will continue over and over.

I urge you to read a book about a low carb diet. I do the Harcombe Diet but there are others listed by other pp on this thread.

I suspect you will dismiss this advice again, so let me leave you with this; in February this year I couldn't shop in normal clothes shops. I was a UK size 26 or XXL or XXXL. It dictated my life. I had spent 20 years with bulimia, overeating, and starving/anorexia cycles. Nothing ever worked to stop it.

Now I can go weeks without eating chocolate or biscuits. I eat high protein, low carb. I love the food I eat. I drink the odd glass of wine. My fat levels are lowering and my cholestrol is normal.

After nine months on the Harcombe diet, today I bought two jumpers in Next and Dorothy Perkins. Both were size 12.

Sympathies OP . Not sure if already tried or mentioned, there is AA like support network for eating disorders in the UK. Maybe they have resources that could help: www.oagb.org.uk

Viv. Yes I wouldn't have reflected on how chocolate tastes previously.
Was out with DH and ended up eating some cake although wasn't hungry. My mindset didn't allow me to rationalise and think my portion of the the week was complete. I wolved it down quickly so wouldn't need to contemplate. I wasn't even hungry as I had just had a filling lunch.

When will I learn. It's almost easier t have a complete disciplined barrier
not to have any, than to allow a small amount.

Fluff- I hear you and I read ur posts. However I can't got a second contemplate having a minimal carb diet for the rest of my life. I'm really glad you have worked for u but for me it has to be sustainable.

Also as I don't particularly enjoy meat I would be screwed.

My therapist has said for me not to restrict as it will lead to binges.

Surprisingly on reflection, in the last 6 days there has been NO binge eating.

Hope you are getting ok Dina.

I have just read Never binge again on Kindle it's strangely helping me. I am on day 6.

I am having some endless marital disharmony. So, at the weekend I went out with him for dinner, for a curry, so I ate rice and drank wine. Felt ok about it, we need to make an effort for each other and that was his choice of meal...

...however, yesterday, I went quite mad. I was back to spooning nutella out the jar, hoovering up as much sugar as I could find. Weird.

Am trying really hard today to rationalise it as "just a blip" and not chuck it all again. As usual.

I think my neck is a bit thinner. Am trying to resist weighing myself for a month.

Will buy a giant swimming costume this week. I love swimming, I'm good at it and it's good for my mood. I'm dead unfit and don't want to be seen in a cossie. Needs must, though.

Have a good week everyone.

I would to add about the low carbs comment, i have given up sugar like i said earlier, i have not limited my carbs and i have not been eating loads of carbs as a result. I am loosing weighy but im doing it to stop the binges on sugar which it is stopping. The person who keeps mentioning the harcombe diet and saying she is not addicted to sugar but carbs well i disagree i beleive u can be addicted to sugar and not automatically be addictied to carbs. Surely the OP knows her body and if it worked limiting carbs and ur addicted to carbs then great but everybody different.

Loved this thread and have taken a lot away from it. Except I have had the biggest binge ever today and feel like shit. Abstinence is key so I have taken some advice from a friend who gave up sweets and chocolate for 2 weeks. She said breaking it down like this instead of giving up 'forever' helped.
I suppose it's a bit like dry January.

When I was younger I gave up sweets and chocolate for a month as the desire to look good was stronger than the desire to eat. However, 25 years on and forty something I have given up. How are you getting on OP?

Thanks for showing your support. I've been super busy recently so not managed to reply.

I do hope posters follow this thread in the hope that something will resonate and help with binge eating. The web is full of books and tips but it doesn't always help day to day life battling this.

A little update, I'm doing better. Although ironically I recently had an uncontrollable urge to binge which was not down to stress, I had pmt symptoms( negative thought patterns emerging) and as my therapist put it, its bio- chemical factors in play.

I 100% crave sugar more the week before my menstrual cycle and end up binging.

I havent made myself sick in around 4 weeks and after giving in to the recent sugar laden binge I did.

On a positive note, I was purging much more until recently whereby I've made huge efforts with the support of the therapist to stop. She says it further contributes to binging by continuing the cycle.

Secondly in terms of eating sugary food I decided that a complete ban was too hard so I was to only consume it once a week.

I couldn't stick to that so although I'm craving sugar I don't know what structure to use. Do I go completely tee- total? Is it realistic to say I won't ever eat sugar again?? When it's something that soothes me like nothing else.... and distresses me like nothing else too.
I need to figure out some practical solution. .

I can't recall if I mentioned the NO S diet which I try and follow.

3 meals a day no snacking, no seconds, no sweets. It's helps when I have emotional hunger I can rule out eating any food as I've either just eaten, or a meal is around the corner. Apart from that I don't know how realistically sugar will fit into this.

Any ideas pls do let me and other posters know.

I have tried the 1 small treat a day, this never works. 1 treat a week doesn't work either. How do I eat sugar without feeling deprived but without it affecting me like it has done my whole lifetime.

I don't think it's realistic for me just to give up.

I can relate to the thoughts of never eating sugar again, i have given up sugar for good, in the book sweet posion it tells u about the craving and how when u stop the physical urges stop as ur body no longer craves it. This is working for me, i understand everyone is different and may not be same for u. I was very preachy when first read book in January and tried to get everyone reading it and giving up sugar! I was also very anti sugar like it was the devil! I am now more understanding now like alcohol some and take or leave, the fact that its working for me and im seeing it as i am an alcoholic giving up drink, but my alcohol is sugar. So im sure the feelings of how can i ever not drink again is there but its the process of wanting to get better verses the wanting to stay in same postition with same issues.
Also i guess there is question of can an alcoholic ever drink just 1 drink occasionally and leave it. Me and my husband disagrees, i dont believe u can which is why im now abstaining.

Chicken that's brilliant you are doing so well. The longest I've ever managed to go sugar free is 12 days. I have the book. I need to read it.

I've decided that I'm allowed to eat sweets and desserts at special events like Christmas - in the company of others. That has made me relax. Binges happen when I'm alone, so I now have strict no sugar when alone rule.

For me, it's been 10 days now of not using food as comfort. It has lead to eating much better and actually looking forward to ordinary meals. I try to avoid refined grains (binge inducing) but haven't banned it.

Can you replace the sugary treats with different treats? Eg. Strawberries and cream or a handful of nuts.

I'm ah yes I have been eating dates and fruit

Right enough is enough. Had chocolate today and felt out of control like I couldn't stop. Will need to quit sugar/ sweets indefinitely.

Can't seem to cope eating even a tiny portions and if I'm being honest with myself, it doesn't even taste that good. Tomorrow will be day 1 if sugar free. No treats at all. I don't need it .

Hi Dina 82

I know you have tried so many things but I would like to recommend
HEALED,

heal-ed.com/

They
" specialise in coaching people to end their struggle with binge eating, overeating and bulimia. We help them get off the roller-coaster of guilt, shame and food obsession. We help them make peace with food and end body weight fluctuations."

Their coaches are all professionals who themselves have recovered from an eating disorder.

You have to pay for coaching and its not that cheap but its an investment.
Im not affiliated with them but I count myself recovered from binge eating disorder with their help.

They approach it from two points of view that they have seperate strategies for , that there is a "Body" binge which is a strong physical drive that comes from previous episodes of restriction which have triggered a faulty survival response because the body is either malnourished or has been in the past. (you can be malnourished even though you are binging on 1000s of calories)
and that there is also a "Mind" binge urge where you have developed a survival method using binging as a way to numb painful or difficult feelings.

If you do not want to do coaching they have some good videos on their youtube page and have also written a couple of books ,

The Bulimia Help Method

(Binge eating Disorder is Bulimia without purging so most of principles are same)

www.amazon.co.uk/Bulimia-Help-Method-Revolutionary-Approach/dp/1503151921?tag=mumsnetforum-21

And the Binge Code
www.amazon.co.uk/Binge-Code-Unconventional-Eating-Excess/dp/1999786408/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_1?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforum-21&refRID=N2TJZCCWFZ9A2ATDNQGP