Beating Sugar addiction and lifelong eating disorder.

[Dina82]

After 23 years of bulimia and binge eating I have concluded that I cannot stop emotional eating.

It's too ingrained in me and I say this having had many sessions with a psychologist but it has not helped. Yes, I recognise any negative emotion, regardless of how minute causes me to feel hungry and eat sweet foods which results in binging and occasionally purging.

I have for the last 20+ years tried, self help books ( I've lost count how many) , psychologists ( approx 2 times in this duration, ( several eating programmes that I can never stick too.

Last year I gargled with bleach just to physically make myself unable to eat or binge. It didn't do anything.

I only ever binge on sweet foods so is it unreasonable of me to make a decision never to eat cake/ sweets: desserts again as this is what is exasperating the emotional eating.

I have tried it in the past but only lasted 12 days. What other option do I have? I often think of how I will take this with my to the grave.

I come across as confident, articulate, and strong but I'm a complete train wreck. Sometimes I just wish to die as I literally have exhausted all options.

I tried Prozac last year and it helped briefly with the intensity of the binges but after 3 months I was binging again.

You say you csnt exercise because of low back pain but how about low impact like swimming yoga Pilates. You've got to start somewhere and it could replace the sugar addiction

I am with you. Every day is s battle and I eat sugar coz I feel unhappy without it. My mum is an alcoholic and has an addictive personality. When I feel fed up I eat chocolate and sweets. When I am bored, when I have a coffee, when I tired, when I am happy. I have an excuse to eat it and see it as a reward.
Yet it is also my enemy as well as my friend.
I have never thought about it in the way of giving up but instead I always tried to cut down. I suppose it is like any other addiction! You can't have that one drink.
I know it does not help but just letting you know that I are not alone.
Ironically I could give up alcohol forever but feel anxious about giving up sweet stuff and chocolate! Yet they are both full of sugar!

I like the idea of an app!

Been bulimic 15 years with one year five years ago 'recovered'. What I've learnt is it's not only emotional but very physical.

Therapy doesn't help many because sugar is physiologically addictive. Withdrawal can induce vomiting even. Every time you binge there is a sugar rush that effects endorphins, cortisol levels and ghrelin levels. It alters your appetite and stretches your stomach. Your fat literally releases hormines telling you to feed it.

After I throw up the loss of electrolytes make me feel dizzy and I pass out.

Most drug addictions are treated with rehab but we get therapy only or force fed.

It is an addiction for life. Atm I have such poor health I've given up because life is shit anyway. But back when I had hope I did a year. It was going through withdrawal and then surrounding myself with the right people and getting my brain busy. you can do it. Swap one addiction for another addiction.

Marcie plz don't give up. Life is worth fighting for. Please seek help, if one process doesn't work try another. I'm 39 and sought help when I was in high school from the school nurse. I'm still seeking help. All these years later. How would u feel if someone close to you that you loved wanted to give up? Please be kind and compassionate to yourself. You deserve it.

To the poster who said to start running... well I could cry. Running helped my moods tremendously. I literally felt high and the endorphins lasted a good 2 days. I loved running. But I started getting treatment for lower back pain and was told to stop as it's high impact. This was about 3 months ago and it was a huge blow. ( when I say I was running it was more a jog but I was on my way to completing the 0-5 k).
I've been recommended Pilates by my physio but I don't get the same relief and my toddler is always around whereas before it was me outdoors amongst nature and just my thoughts.

I have a tilted pelvis with a twist in my spine. I'm slowly but gradually seeing an improvement but the excess weight doesn't help matters. Hence another motivating factor for me to try get my life back on track.

Although I've always binge ate and had bulimic tendencies it was much more controlled pre DS when I was running regularly. Exercise defiantly helps.

Before the cold weather I was taking DS for long walks after I stopped running due to the advice given. I cant even go for long walks now the weather is shit I just feel everything is against me. I am trying.

Hi op,
Thank you so much for writing this. And to all those others who have posted with their own experiences and also with such amazing tips.
Op, I'm the same as you. I binge daily. I get really freaked out if I don't have any chocolate or sweets in the house. I can usually do ok in the day (and by ok I mean maybe 1 sweet treat) but as soon as I'm hone from work at 6, I can eat so much crap before bed it's unreal. I really need to stop it. I always wanted to be the sort that can just cut it down to a sensible amount but I think quitting it what I'll have to do.

It's just so hard especially with Christmas coming up. Also my birthday too!

Anyway I've just got up and read the entire thread. I've decided I'm going to get changed and go for a run shortly. I think start as I mean to go on!

Op did you make it through the whole day yesterday? I'm going to try today to just have 3 meals and an orange in betweennif hungry.

Yes I managed day one of sugar free. Very anxious towards evening when my toddler plays up but had yoghurt( no added sugar). Probably could have done without it but baby steps.

Dina who advised you to not run because of your back pain? And diagnosed a tilt and twist? Because, that directly contradicts current thinking about chronic pain and back pain management. I work in this field - there's a big push to dump scary language and get people moving.

If you can't walk in the cold, wrap the both of you up -"there is no bad weather, only inappropriate clothing"

If you find exercise helps then you have to find exercise that works in all weathers.

I will if you will.

I agree with you there viva
Today looks like a lovely day where I am, you could wrap ds up and pop him in the buggy and go for a long power walk. Go to a park but one that's a bit further away. Get yourself moving.

Vivarium- glad you found it useful! How was your first day sober, did you manage to avoid the cakes?

Dina82- I’m glad that my words made something click. In my experience, once that switch flips and you see everything clearly, everything is easier- but sometimes it can feel impossible to find something to make that switch flip!

It can be scary to think that you’ll never eat anything to give you that high again- that thought stopped me being honest with myself about needing to quit for the longest time. Think about other things you enjoy that aren’t binge foods and stock up on those. I always keep a healthy stock of raspberries and macadamia nuts in the house so I can treat without triggering.

I am absolutely the same as you- no worries at all from the outside, but fighting a strange battle within. I can reassure you it’s worth the fight- once I got over that initial hump, it was very weird having nothing to worry about. I stepped up my exercise game and now run 5k every day, and have lost over 20 pounds- still repairing the damage of 30 years of overeating but getting there and feeling stronger every day.

Don’t be scared, be empowered! Your subsequent post shows you made it through your first sober day- huge congratulations! This time in 7 days it will be your first sober week, and from there it’s genuinely pretty easy. Just knuckle down and prepare yourself to fight for the next week, and then your life will be waiting on the other side. I promise you it’s better than anything you’ve ever eaten!

Sky you are amazing.

Dina I am with you and feel exactly the same. Thank you all for the helpful advice on this thread. There are so many of us when it feels like I am the only one in real life.

Sly - I did! There were some AMAZING cakes, and I had three coffees instead. Barely slept a wink.

Didn't want them particularly.

Today's a busy day of organising in the house. There are biscuits and whatnot - but, I don't do biscuits and whatnot any more.

Loads of really helpful and interesting posts on here & well done OP & others for taking the first steps towards positive changes (genuinely - I know how hard it is).

Just a thought - there is a medication called Elvanse (or Vyvanse) which is primarily given as a long term ADHD med, also used for BED in smaller doses. In no way a magical solution- but in the same way that anti-depressants can help in conjunction with CBT or similar this medication can help support someone who is determined to overcome BED by removing the physical urge to binge (allowing you to concentrate on understanding & overcoming psychological reasons etc). I have no idea how available it is with current NHS constraints either - however worth researching maybe?

www.vyvanse.com/what-is-binge-eating-disorder

It sounds like you are looking for a magic solution but the reality is that if you have been doing this for many years it's not going to change overnight.

I really would look at keeping no sweet foods in the house. The kids won't suffer and it will make it much harder for you to binge. I'd start by identifying the trigger foods and just ensure that you don't have them around.

I'm normal weight with no eating issues but a sweet tooth, and if there are biscuits around I will eat them - I work mainly from home so it's too easy to just grab a biscuit every time I make myself coffee. So about a few years ago mainly for dental health reasons I completely stopped buying sweet snacks in my weekly shop and now we don't even miss them.

Just wanted to third the suggestion of reading Brain over Binge Recovery Guide.

Reading that book helped me quit binging/purging almost overnight.

For what it's worth I'm not convinced about the cold turkey method as I know for me that would have led me ultimately back into the cycle as I wouldn't be able to resist forever - it would have been avoiding the issue than dealing with the root cause which is not emotional but a neurological path you've trained your lower brain into. But if you find it works for you then great!

I really really would recommend the book though.

I could have written your post pretty much word for word. Eight years ago i was at my wits end about my health and relationship with food. I did a Whole30, it was really bloody hard but i committed to it cause it was “only 30 days” and i wad desparate. Best thing ive done it totally changed my attitude to food and broke my binging/sugar addiction.

This book helped me enormously The Psychology of Overeating: Food and the Culture of Consumerism g.co/kgs/qVi1CL

Viva. Basically I gained almost 2 stone since the start of the year when I was put on Prozac which is an AD. Not for depression but specifically for binge eating. It helped to numb binge urges for several weeks but they returned.

I was completely sedentary during this time and have gained all the weight on my hips.

I began having mobility issues around as in I couldn't stand upright after sitting or sleeping after I had been resting. Got referred to physio who said it was because I was inactive but I had begun running. She told me to continue.

I then saw a chiropractor which I've been seeing for 3 months. He diagnosed anterior pelvic tilt along with my pelvis twisted back on my right hip. ( I always carried clingy DS on my right him and he is huge).

He told me to stop running due to it being high impact. I really was upset as from August I've been more active and was feeling better.

Il never forget the day I first took DS out in the buggy after months of being inactive. It was soooo hard and I just wanted to turn back. Slowly I built up stamina/ pace/ distance and started running.

I'm hoping that once my back improves I will restart training. It's getting better slowly but there has been a difference.

Chiropractor is frustrating as he is not forthcoming with advice on exercise or stretches and keeps saying I'm trying to rush things. Its costing me a bloody fortune!!

Can you walk instead of running? Walking has huge benefits too. It won't damage your back either. It will help it.

I'm sorry Brain Over Binge didn't help you because it has so transformed my life. Are you restricting food at all? I think the bedfellow of restricting is binging and a really important aspect of recovery is eating well and enough. (Healthy, tasty food that is). The fuller you are the less appealing stuffing yourself becomes.

Do you do anything like crochet or knitting to keep your hands busy? That helped me too. Are you rewarding yourself every day that you don't binge? (with masses of internal praise rather than anything material I guess I mean)

Molly I also did a Whole 30 and it is brilliant isn't it? I can't recommend it more highly although I know it isn't for everyone. It was the first time in my life that I'd eaten to nourish my body, that I'd only eaten healthy foods and that I'd trusted my own body and appetite. It transformed my taste buds and just generally set me on the right track. It's amazing.

Gendercritter. Exactly. It was hard but actually liberating. I did my first one 8 years ago and never looked back. I now eat for fuel and enjoyment rather than an emotional crutch. It was like the door I’d been banging on for years was finally open.

I've had a quick browse at the whole30 eating plan. It seems a bit restrictive with no grains and no peas amongst other things. Not sure if I can commit to something so restrictive whilst in recovery. However will bear it in mind once hopefully ina better place.

Have managed no sweet so far. Making myself a cuppa and would usually have biccies just now. I guess it's an unwinding thing too as well. Feel incredibly odd concert yesterday at the thought of not being able to eat any sweet again.
Although I've lost a safety and confit net. Feeling a bit lost but nothing unbearable or too difficult so far

Hi, I have been a failed yo-yo dieter with a mainly sweet tooth for 20+ years. I have spent those 20 years constantly either on a diet and losing weight or falling off the wagon and putting it back on. I'm now 5 stone heavier than I was when I went on my first diet.

Anyway I made an appointment to see a hypnotherapist to see if it could be of any help and if not my next step was going to be a gastric band.

I know from reading up on it that it doesn't work for everyone so this is just my experience.

When she asked me what I wanted to get out of hypnotherapy, I said I wanted to get back into a normal eating pattern as I didn't have a clue what one was, and for food to stop being the be all and end all for me (either eating all the time, or thinking about eating). I said I was perfectly happy to be fat as long as my weight was stable. I was just sick of the constant yo-yo, the euphoria of dropping a dress size only to put it back on when I fell off the wagon.

We did one session of 60 minutes and I can't even begin to tell you what she said to me but it changed my unconscious thoughts almost instantly (no exaggeration).

She also said for me not to make a conscious effort to lose weight for the next few months and just to get into the habit of eating normally - she told me to eat three meals and two snacks but they could be anything I wanted just so long as I had 3 + 2 through the day.

I can give you loads of examples how my unconscious thinking has changed.

So, I would go to the supermarket in the day to get something in for that night's tea, but i would ALWAYS find myself buying something "for a treat for myself" such as a 4-pack of muffins. Now I can go to the supermarket and it never even occurs to me to buy something extra "for myself".

The last time I went into my office, the lady I sat next to shoved a 4-pack of toffee muffins at me and said "here, do you want one?" and I had said "no thanks" without even thinking - I was quite shocked about this as it was unprecedented. I had a reputation for being the office dustbin. She asked me if I was dieting and I honestly said "No I'm not, I'm just not hungry" and I was actually shocked.

The last time I was in the supermarket I bought a 4-pack of muffins and previously I'd have eaten four in a day (yes I am embarrassed to admit it) but this time they lasted three days (I gave one to DS1 and stuck to one per day)

I'm not completely cured. I still like chocolate and snacks. Today my two snacks have been a packet of crisps (pom bears, so not mega cals) and a double decker. I still prefer them to fruit because I don't like fruit but I feel more relaxed about my eating habits.

I had what I used to call "the pull" and "the pang" so the pull would be a voice in my head telling me to go and raid the snacks box and if I was having a strong willpower day I would sometimes manage to deny myself but I would then have the pang of regret that I was denying myself. I tend not to have 'the pull' anymore.

I haven't lost any weight (well I'm not going to as I am not actively trying) but I do feel less bloated which makes me feel slimmer which makes me feel a bit more confident.

Like I said, I know it doesn't work for everyone but I feel so much more relaxed around food now. I genuinely cant understand how one session can make me feel so much better BUT I am not going to question it.

Just want to clarify this as I have contridicted myself

The last time I was in the supermarket I bought a 4-pack of muffins and previously I'd have eaten four in a day (yes I am embarrassed to admit it) but this time they lasted three days (I gave one to DS1 and stuck to one per day)

I had bought these as a bit of an experiment about 2 weeks after my session, and about 2 weeks ago to see if I would cave in and eat all four on the same day (as they were my absolute faves) which I didn't, and DS1 had one on the same day I brought them home. I ate one on day 1, and had the others the next day, and the day. I haven't bought any since though.

I've been sugar free for almost 6 months in the past and this was the only time in my adult life in whixh i was able to stop my disordered eating. I highly recomend it for people who binge on sugar. At the beggining it was awfull and i felt empty, sad and stressed, but as time went on i startes to feel so much better... it was like i had a lot of energy and a desire to take long walks, go out, see people... so diferent from what i usually feel when i'm binging on sugar!