Beating Sugar addiction and lifelong eating disorder.

[Dina82]

After 23 years of bulimia and binge eating I have concluded that I cannot stop emotional eating.

It's too ingrained in me and I say this having had many sessions with a psychologist but it has not helped. Yes, I recognise any negative emotion, regardless of how minute causes me to feel hungry and eat sweet foods which results in binging and occasionally purging.

I have for the last 20+ years tried, self help books ( I've lost count how many) , psychologists ( approx 2 times in this duration, ( several eating programmes that I can never stick too.

Last year I gargled with bleach just to physically make myself unable to eat or binge. It didn't do anything.

I only ever binge on sweet foods so is it unreasonable of me to make a decision never to eat cake/ sweets: desserts again as this is what is exasperating the emotional eating.

I have tried it in the past but only lasted 12 days. What other option do I have? I often think of how I will take this with my to the grave.

I come across as confident, articulate, and strong but I'm a complete train wreck. Sometimes I just wish to die as I literally have exhausted all options.

I tried Prozac last year and it helped briefly with the intensity of the binges but after 3 months I was binging again.

I don't mean to sound rude but the only thing that will ever work is willpower. I have the same issue, gone from size 8 to a 10-12 (I know, not the end of the world and not a real weight problem). But you need to say STOP and actually do it. I am in my day 16 now and I already feel much better, less tired, less headaches

I've had a quick browse at the whole30 eating plan. It seems a bit restrictive with no grains and no peas amongst other things

I definitely agree you need to do it at the right time but just to say it isn't supposed to be a long term diet. It's just 30 days. Some do do it for longer and then stick to the paleo diet but not everyone. But definitely not one to consider yet if you think it would trigger more binging.

A few thought after skim reading your thread which I haven't already seen mentioned:

Do you have PCOS?( Irregular/long menstral cycles, acne, excess hair, gain weight easily/on tummy)That is well know for making you crave sugary foods. I struggle with this myself. Always worth a check if those symptoms ring any bells.

Have you tried Paul McKenna I can make you thin book? I used it and lost weight successfully using this. I am struggling to lose baby weight (baby now a walking/talking toddler!) And am just about to start it again. He talks about reading your bodies hunger signals and has a relaxing hypnosis CD I used to listen to before bed.

Also if you really can't cut out the sweet snacks, try making some low carb/paleo stuff. It will be lower in sugar/ better for you than standard stuff so hopefully not have the blood sugar swings. Some of the cakes and treats are really nice and you get used to lower sugar. Then if you eat something sugary after doing this a while it suddenly tastes supersweete!

Other things that have worked for me is believing that my body is a temple (cheesy but stick with me!) Once you have that mindset it makes you want to eat well, exercise, protect sleep and avoid stuff that is not healthy.

My other point is lose the chiropractor, sounds like they are stringing you along. Ask for NHS physio referral and in the mean time try yoga and Pilates to build up your core strength and you WILL get back to running once you are sorted. Good luck!! X

I came back to say that No-S is a great diet that's actually not a diet, more of a change in lifestyle that helps curb disordered eating and allows you yo eat anything without restticting food groups (i'm a vegetarian and low carb is not for me, so this worked). When i was not eating sugar i was also on No-S (there a No-S thread here in Mumsnet).

I'm pre-diabetic so i KNOW i have to stop eating sugar again. Can I join you on your journey towards being sugar free? I could use some company! It's a proper adiction for me. I feel like an alcoholic or a drug user when it comes to sugar; i have to avoid the first bite because i feel unable to eat only a small portion and usually a little bit of sugar makes me want to eat tons of it.

I used to be a smoker in the past and i usually say to my friends that it was much easier to stop smoking than to eat in a healthy way.... you can't just avoid food for the rest of your life... but you can stop eating sugar. It may not be a magic solution to binge eating but in my experience it made healthy eating much easier.

I was thriving without sugar and feel sad that i fell of the wagon... i had a relapse that went on to become a full blown binge when after 6 months of not eating sugar i had some very bad news. I have been eating sugar again ever since. It feels like the times when i'd try to stop smoking in the past and then relapse after some bad news or a very bad day. Some people argue it's not possible to be addicted to sugar but the way i see it it is possible to be addicted/compulsive to anything.

Fluffy mullet- yes I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome!!! How did u guess.... was formally diagnosed as an early teen when blood tests and an Ulster sound scan confirmed it.

Hirsuitsm was awful but thankfully controlled after a decade of hair laser treatments and electrolysis.

Ironically come to think of it, this is when the binging started for me. When the PCIS symptoms appeared. After ovulation is when binging is at its peak. I've used tracker charts and there is an evident pattern.

I gave the NO S book and have tried since 2016 to follow the guidelines and go vanilla no S. I'm also on there message boards and posted regularly until earlier this year.

Also tried Paul McKenna but can't do intuitive eating as my head is so messed up as I can't yet always. differentiate between real and emotional hunger. I often recognise after a binge on sugar I was irritated/ stressed/ annoyed which is why I picked up the first bar of chocolate.... which consequently lead to another and another..all of a sudden a full on binge as I couldn't stop. That's the pattern.

With Paul McKenna I did like the advice to slow right down and be more conscious of hunger levels.

I think intuitive eating works much better for people with things like anorexia. With binging your brain can be so clever in convincing you it wants food when you're thirsty or bored or sad. It is genuinely hard to identify hunger if you have consistently eaten far too much for a long time.

Alreadyin..... plz. I have no words. It's NOT just about willpower. My DP of 15 years thinks like this.

I WANT to be healthy physically and mentally.

I WANT to only eat when hungry and STOP when full.

I WANT to have normal thought processes rather than a constant fight battle in my head as I have binged/ overate.

I have NO major stressor in my life as DH reminds me. So technically I shouldn't have any issue.

Why is it then that the likes of Princess Di, Elton John amongst other well know faces battled eating disorders if it was just regarding will power.

I had the shittiest upbringing, not something I would want for my worst enemy. It still haunts me. My childhood brain must have used food as a coping mechanism to cope with trauma. I understand that now. It served a purpose.

As my psychologist says eating disorders have contributing factors that are psychologically, physiological and environmental.

I'm so glad I posted on MN as it's given me different angles of the ED to examine. I had exhausted many options and I haven't lost hope.

I'm grateful for the compassionate words of others and really hope this helps others in a similar situation who may be reading.

Gender

100% this. With binging your brain can be so clever in convincing you it wants food when you're thirsty or bored or sad. It is genuinely hard to identify.

Inthetropics of course u can join me in the quest for no sugar. It's day 2 for me and I had a couple sips of fizzy juice. That's all. I will have to determine what counts as sugar intake at a later date.

It's fantastic I kept to no sugar for such a longtime. It's incredibly scary when having been dependant for so long to be told u CANNOT under any circumstance eat sugar again. Liberating but scary.

Thanks for posting this op

Read how to have your cake and skinny jeans by josie spinardi!! Brilliant!!

I would definitely look into the PCOS side of things as there is a strong link between binge eating and also metabolic factors. Insulin resistance means sugar is processed differently on a cellular level. I'm not a fan of popping pills but I do now take a supplement called ionsitol (from a skin point of view) which has worked for skin, reduced cravings and also changed my periods. The insulin resistance causes the symptoms of PCOS. It might be worth getting a diabeties screen too. Good luck, I wish i knew this information 10 years ago. I still struggle with binge eating at times when stressed but understand myself more. X

I feel bad for my DS's when they can't have anything sweet because I'm so messed up and it's not exactly normal not being able to have Nutella or a packet of biscuits in the house. I've throw these items out many a time but end up debuting as I feel like a shit mum and so guilty.

Normal is whatever you grow up with. If your kids grow up without sugary snacks that will be their normal. My DS(6) knows we have no sweets/chocolate/cakes/biscuits in the house so never asks for them. They are something he has at his grandparents/friends/occasional treat when out, and he just accepts that reality. We make exceptions for Easter, Halloween and Christmas as we don't want to miss out completely or feel deprived. If I am tempted to buy him a chocolate or biscuit or cake as a 'treat' I remind myself that it isn't a kindness really (rotten teeth/weight gain/diabetes/sugar addiction) and most of the time that stops me.

Thanks for posting OP - some good advice here. I'm also struggling with an obsession with sugar and binging, whenever I relapse it seems worse than before. And when I'm in the grip of it, I don't even care that much. I feel resentful if DH tries to enforce healthy eating.

I thought I might start my own thread, but I rarely get any replies. I feel like my issues have their own different nuances which are a million miles away from feeling hungry or deprived or unhappy, and more related to needing sweet food as my "upper", something that cheers me and gives me a rush of endorphins (even if I'm not unhappy to begin with). And I get totally hooked on it and use it to procrastinate - I'll start this next report once I've been to buy todays supplies of chocolate/cake/sweets/bread etc. Not having it in the house is like not having heroin or vodka in the house, if I want some I'll just go and get some.

I'm 46, have a happy fulfilling life, but I can't beat my addiction. I've lost and regained 3-4 stone about 3 times in my life. Currently 4 stone overweight.

Dina82 I really feel for you as I have suffered with BED for most of my life. I joined Overeaters Anon 2 years ago after trying so many things and I have been making some progress.

I do not think we are allowed to link to other threads in here but I mentioned my story on a thread earlier today "AIBU to be concerned about my sister's weight gain?." where the OP had a sister who was showing signs of BED. I do not know if you have tried OA before but it has been the only thing to have helped me- dieting did not help and made me worse.

I am also in therapy at the moment (for CPTSD and Borderline PD partly but also for the eating), I am seeing a trauma based therapist privately. There is an emptiness inside me which makes me eat compulsivley and am trying to work through it. OA on the other hand gives me the tools to help day to day.

When I first joined OA I was wary it would be a religious cult but it is not that way at all- people come from any faith or no faith- it is emotional, not religious. It has helped me a lot.

I see another poster has mentioned Vit D- interestingly enough I was told I had low levels of Vit D 4 years ago which was making my moods worse and I struggled to motivate myself to eat properly. I am on vit D tabs now. I tried Prozac for my eating but no success. Topirimate gave me some success but caused me eye issues so had to give up.

You are not alone- so many people have this problem yet it is underdiagnosed and widely misunderstood.

I don't mean to sound rude but the only thing that will ever work is willpower.

That's not very helpful. Even for someone who's in good shape mentally and health-wise, exercising willpower 24/7 forever is usually pretty much impossible. For someone who's depressed or anxious and in the throes of a long-standing addiction "just have some willpower" is a pretty ridiculous and insensitive thing to say.

I've just read a book called Atomic Habits by James Clear. It's not specifically about eating, but it is about how to successfully take up good habits and quit bad ones, even if you've failed umpteen times before. Job 1 is to make your environment make your bad habit harder to give in to (don't have sweet stuff in the house). Make your habit unrewarding (picture the damage that food will do to you). Reward yourself for resisting (with a non-food treat). It's never going to be easy, so make it as easy as you possibly can. Track your achievements- tick off each sugar free day on your calendar and try not to break your run of successful days.

I think others have mentioned but do try overeaters anonymous (OA). A friend of mine has told me about her journey - she sounds very similar to you and now is totallly abstinent from all sugar (including sone fruit but there is some that doesn’t induce binging for her). She talked about grieving for the foods she can’t eat. She is 1000% happier and her entire life has changed from accepting that it is an addiction and having the support from others in OA. She has previously tried everything just like you. She has found that saying she doesn’t eat sugar is enough in social situations (she says it doesn’t agree with her or is down to a sport if challenged). Good luck and I hope you find sone recovery 💐

And I honestly wouldn’t worry about the kids suffering from not having Nutella in the house. They will benefit so much more from having a healthy happy mum. Maybe initially their dad can take them for any sugary treats? In time you may find youcan maintain abstinence despite being around sugar. My friend stays with me in my house (with sugary snacks) and is ok with it but if a food is “speaking to her” she will just say “do you mind if I put that away?”.

I am sorry if this is a poor suggestion but if you are struggling with weight would they give you a gastric band? That way you simply can't eat?

Is OA online somewhere? Is it a website?

It's NOT just about willpower.

There is a desire for many to directly correlate self-control with sucess and lack of self-control with failure.

Let's ask the opposite. In periods of NOT b/p does this, by definition, mean you are self-controled?'

I think it is an important point to make that when I have b/p less, it can be just a case I'm busier or more stressed. Many times it's due to EXTERNAL circumstances like exam pressures, socialising with friends and these changing my mindset.

Self-control seems to be an abstract concept to describe the mentality, in association with a wanted outcome, rather than the person's willing.

I also had family problems. It's funny about normal. Growing up I asked for no choc/cake/biscuits/take away to be in the house every day. I was told I needed to be normal and I was contrary.

I wonder how op your family was?

I remember telling my mum I was like a heroin addict and couldn't do moderation and she said even alcoholics go to the pub.

When I lived with friends who were into healthy living I saw a new way of living and it helped so much.

I too got diagnosed with illness which means no running. It's a greiving process. I loved it. I finally sold my trainers. But I do walk whatever the weather though my muscle mass is unrecognisable. :(

Thanks for all the feedback and suggestions. So grateful I'm not alone. I hope this helps others too

Re- gastric band... being overweight is a secondary issue. Once I get my head sorted the weight loss will follow I'm pretty sure on that as my 3 daily meals are relatively healthy.

Nojunkmail I'm glad you touched on the subject of vitamin b6. I was given pyrodoxine the medical term for vit b6 in a 50 gram daily dose when DS was 3 months.
I had gone to the doctor as was having awful pmt. It helped in a big way
BUT during the last 2 years my binges have been worse than they have ever been. It was a constant urge every hour of every day. Cut a long story short I came off them a few months back and the intensity of the urges reduced a lot.

Having done some research I found that vitamin b6 increases progesterone levels during the ovulation stage. Increased progesterone can lead to binge eating.
I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and something must have happened chemically to make the urges and therefore binge eating worse.

I am better than I was as the intensity has lessened significantly. But the emotional issues of binge eating remains.

Through carrying out my research I couldn't find anything online making a link with Pyrodoxine (vitamin b6) and binge eating.

It was DH that told me to quit. They did initially help with PMT but my gp continued prescribing them in a high dose for 2+ years without reviewing them.

Also I should quickly mention in my desperation I tracked the binges and there was a noticeable pattern that the binges happened and still do when I ovulate.They are at their worse and most intense. There is a huge craving for sugar during this time

I have managed being sugar free in day 2 but the real test will come before my next menstrual cycle.