Beating Sugar addiction and lifelong eating disorder.

[Dina82]

After 23 years of bulimia and binge eating I have concluded that I cannot stop emotional eating.

It's too ingrained in me and I say this having had many sessions with a psychologist but it has not helped. Yes, I recognise any negative emotion, regardless of how minute causes me to feel hungry and eat sweet foods which results in binging and occasionally purging.

I have for the last 20+ years tried, self help books ( I've lost count how many) , psychologists ( approx 2 times in this duration, ( several eating programmes that I can never stick too.

Last year I gargled with bleach just to physically make myself unable to eat or binge. It didn't do anything.

I only ever binge on sweet foods so is it unreasonable of me to make a decision never to eat cake/ sweets: desserts again as this is what is exasperating the emotional eating.

I have tried it in the past but only lasted 12 days. What other option do I have? I often think of how I will take this with my to the grave.

I come across as confident, articulate, and strong but I'm a complete train wreck. Sometimes I just wish to die as I literally have exhausted all options.

I tried Prozac last year and it helped briefly with the intensity of the binges but after 3 months I was binging again.

It’s hard to see the behaviour as the same, I think, because the stigma is not the same, but if you sit back and look at the behaviour and ignore the fact it’s food and not booze then the patterns are clear. If you are using sugar to deal with emotions then you are abusing a drug like an addict, and the fact that your drug is b1g1f in Tesco doesn’t change that fact. I have a mantra that I follow- ‘if you can’t have one, don’t have any.’ Meaning, if I look at a food and I can’t imagine only eating 1, but I want the whole bag, then I know I don’t have a healthy relationship with it. It involves a lot of honesty with yourself.

I know what you mean about wanting to appear normal to others- but in the example you provide, you can just have the tea and skip the cake or biscuit. If you were out with someone and they turned down a drink saying ‘I’m not a big drinker’ you wouldn’t think anything of it. It’s the same thing. Here is the phrase that has saved me countless awkward conversations and weird looks- ‘I don’t have much of a sweet tooth.’

Well done on quitting vomiting- I used to do it too, it’s a horrible feeling, and really made me feel like I was spiralling out of control. If you closed the door on that you can close the door on this.

I suggest you download a sobriety app, then if you feel weak or like you are slipping, check the app, remember that you are however many days sober and you don’t want to break it. If you feel an urge, don’t think ‘one bite won’t hurt, it’s only choclate’. Don’t minimise it. Instead, think ‘stay sober. Do not fall off the wagon. Do not give in to your addiction.’ Take it seriously and it gets easier.

In my experience the first few days were easy because I was jubilent and ecstatic, and felt so free. The next couple of days were hard, and I was sad at the idea I would NEVER have these foods again. I kept saying to myself ‘a drug addict is sad he can never have cocaine again. It’s the same thing.’ It really helped, and by day 5 the taste for it had gone. A flat no really helped- I felt so strong and present.

Good luck OP. Happy to PM if you need help. Remember- control the thing that controls you.

Slytherdor you are a fucking genius. That makes total sense.

Dina me too. I have been trying to fix my eating for 30 years and am very nearly the fattest I've ever been (again). Been bulimic, tried and failed to be anorexic (seriously, I envied the anorexics, WTF?) and seen 3 different counsellors who I lied to. Also been on prozac. I have an appointment in January with the NHS Fat Club, they are referring me to psych specialist in obesity. I am hopeful that this will work, it has to because, like you, I am modelling poor eating habits to my kids. It's been a long wait, four months to be assessed by a dietician and then 7 months for the appoonment. But, this is a long term problem, and so, I have time.

Slytherdor today is day 1 of being sober. I have a CIN bake sale this afternoon to go to and I don't even want to eat their bloody cake. I want to be well and healthy.

SLY- Your post makes more sense that any self help book or professional advice I've been given in the last 20 years. I'm being completely honest.

Wow. Just wow. I feel incredibly scared as I read ur words. All this time I have been trying to get to the root cause of the problem. I have never been able to give up eating sweet food for comfort. But I need to recognise that instead of trying to be 'normal' I will have to be a new type of normal. Which includes no sweet food as scary as it sounds.

Thinking of never eating it again I feel I won't get a buzz or a high from anything in life. Why exactly do I need to get an Adrenalin kick... to cope with my emotions. So taking sweet food out of the equation I feel genuinely scared but I need to do this.

All these years I have lived another within my own head... and I continue to do so if that makes sense. This eating disorder messes with every emotion and is completely exhausting and draining. Day in, day out I'm constantly battling not to binge. I've even craved death many times to just get rid of this monster within me.

I feel like a complete hypocrite. To the outside world I look so together and have so many blessings which I'm truly grateful for. But I don't think anyone would look at me and see the daily turmoil I've going through.

I will download a sobriety app and take this addiction seriously.

I'm extremely fortunate that I don't binge or crave regular food in response to emotions so hopefully giving up all sweet will help me.

I'm so scared

I wonder if this is how alcoholics feel when they know they can never drink alcohol again. It's not socially acceptable to refrain from desserts or alcohol. It's a part of regular life but I will just have to see this as part of the new me if i want to heal

Have you read this book?

The little book of Big change by Amy Johnson?

This book has saved my sanity (and most probably my life)

It's not a miracle cure but so much better than any counselling or any other self help book I read.

I was going to write a post extremely similar until I saw yours. I've just had another binge and hate myself. I'm a very addictive person and am either all of nothing so I too am thinking of giving up junk foods until I at least get this three stone off that I've gained due to binge eating. I must average 21000 calories a week due to this and it's making me miserable.

Hello i have been addicted to sugar and i am overweight (size 20) i read sweet poison by David Gillespie, about how sugar effects body what it does to us, the different types etc, i gave up fructose in jan for 5 months it gets easier and u stop wanting to eat it after a while, i started again due to becoming pregnant and giving in to cravings also being very sick so was loosing weight while eating sugar, i lost 18 lbs in the 5 months and now on nov 1st i stopped fuctose again im not doing it to loose weight per say more because it stops me binging as stop craving it, im not saying this is nessacessy the right path for u but its helped me, also 2nd time around ive found it much easier, just fell back into it, also decided to not eat it over christmas.

Another book you might like is Russell Brand's "Recovery".

Amiciss
This is how i was feeling when went cold turkey in jan, i just didnt feel like have pudding even if it was fruit on offer like strawberries and cream for example as no sugar on it, it was such an alien feeling to me as , id never felt that before. To not want the sugar , David Gillespie also takes about our hunger sensors and how sugar can mask it, so if we have high sugar foods we may appear still hungry. I was no longer feeling hungry all time to i noticed, it was such a revelation. I guess its similar to how an alcoholic would feel eventually around alcoholic, that was my thoughy maybe.

How i got over the feel of missing out mindset, if alcohol was my addiction i would have to stop drinking it and i see it the same as sugar is mine then i need to stop obviously easlier said than done as its all around, but thats how i live with it.

Placemarking to read later, some really helpful advice on this thread

I don’t have anything helpful to add as I’ve never been able to ditch my eating disorder and atm am totally out of control but just wanted to be here for you. It sucks!

Have a look at Gillian Riley’s books. It was a few years ago but I went to a seminar she did one weekend about binge eating and overeating. I found it really helpful. I went through a phase of binge eating in a really unhappy stage of my life. It was horrible and when I was in that trance I couldn’t stop myself. I would feel disgusted with myself after.

I found if I tried to restrict certain foods or not eat enough it made it worse.

Have a look if she still does her seminars as they are really worth going to and speak to likeminded people.

I am generally in a better place now and just don’t feel the need anymore but at the time it was miserable and I think food was definitely a comfort.

Can you limit what you have in the house? Also if you can stop yourself before the you get the food out and say am I really hungry ? Or just bored/ tired/ stressed? How will I feel afterwards? How much better will I feel if I don’t eat this. It feels much nicer to eat with true hunger. You may find that helps.

So sorry to hear this OP I second Tidy’s suggestion of Overeaters Anonymous. I’ve been a member for two years and it is really helping my problems with food. Sugar is incredibly addictive but it is possible to sort this out. I found lots of support in OA and have managed not to eat refined sugar for two years.

I've had a BED for 15 years. Touch wood it has been cured this year by an amazing book I heard about on here abd the way you're talking about your binging I'm going to guess you have read it.

It's called Brain Over Binge. It's completely life-changing. I have been ticking off every day that I don't binge so I know i've gone months wuthout doing so and I feel so fantastically liberated. I'd got my binging down from being huge to pretty small over the years but this has been the thing that has helped more than anything. I wish every binge eater knew about it. Buy a copy, read it twice and I hope it helps. Definitely tick off the days you don't binge because the more you tick off, the more you want to keep ticking them off and you a get such a boost seeing them build up. I also focus on eating really nice food because the more satisfied and full you are at your meals the easier it is to not binge, once you've digested all the info in the book.

Sorry guess you *haven't read it

I am addicted to sugar/carbs. Food controls my life. I think the only way I can see to move forward is in treating it as an addiction, as you would for alcohol or drugs.
Somehow we need to face the reality of life without sugar, grieve it, withdraw and build a new life. Like a previous poster said - control the thing that controls you.

Look up Bitten Jonsson on YouTube. She’s a nurse who specialises in this area.

Amici I really appreciate ur perspective on the other side. It's not something I've thought of before. We grew up always having access to sweets and I assumed this was normal for other children, so for my kids to go without I thought I was depriving them hence always ensuring the are available.

I have family members who don't have a sweet tooth and so abstain when offered desert. It's a non issue.
Maybe I've completely overthought it.

I'm so incredibly glad I've posted on Mumsnet. I'm seeing a completely different side to my narrow mindless/ ignorance.

Like I said previously this issue has been growing inside my head for what seems like an eternity. All rationale and common sense goes out of the window and I'm grateful posters are giving me a different perspective. It's helping me.

To the poster who suggested the book Brain over Binge. I have purchased it twice in the last 10 years. All that animal brain vs humans brain concept didn't work with me although it's had excellent reviews.

Have you read Brain Over Binge? I found them very helpful, particularly the work book.

No experience in this area but I just wanted to say don't give up on trying to treat the root psychological causes. Have you exhausted all avenues eg addiction type support groups /hypnotherapy /meditation/cbt. I have a close riend who suffered years of severedepression (I know a slightly different issue) but after years of medication and counseling, running group has been the best thing she's done. I cannot tell you how out of character running was for her but it turned out to be a major key in controlling her depression. I guess I'm saying keep trying - maybe something out there will help.

Another vote for OA - it's the only thing that has ever been able to stop me bingeing. LCHF does help, as long as I am rigid with it (no berries or chocolate). Like you, I struggle with meat, and I am very dairy sensitive, so, in all honesty, I find LCHF a constant grind, even though I know it helps.

I have BED also - and am a former bulimic - so I feel your (and others on this thread) pain. You are not alone

So my first day has gone a little like this. Ate 3 regular meals but come evening time I've had urges to eat sweet. Normally I would try fight the urge, fail and give in. One would lead to more and end in binging.

Today when I've had the sudden urge to eat something sweet I've told myself I can't, then focused harder on what I've been feeling. Every time I've been mildly stressed at my toddler/ yeh state he leaves my house in / his constant nagging etc.

It's been much easier to recognise these negative emotions and not act on them.

I am undergoing CBT with a psychologist and I'm aware of having negative emotions which make me wanted to instantly feed the urge. But I've always found it hard to distinguish real hunger from an emotional hunger. It feels so real like I'm genuinely hungry but abstaining from cake/ chocolate/ my kids smarties today has made me realise that it's extremely difficult to put it into practise.

Not sure if that makes sense.

Also my DS is extremely challenging. He has been since he was born and I know I've used food( sugary food) to cope.

Chicken I will order Sweet Posion ASAP.

Another thought - both a former alcoholic friend, running depression friend and myself with anxiety have found it's not just about recognising when you start to feel a bit rubbish/like having a drink in alcoholic's case. It's forcing yourself to be open and tell another/other supportive adults when it hits. Running group friend's group know that she runs partly to help depression and drag her out to run if she is feeling down.