to think breastfeeding is SO hard?

[MamIAMoon]

Sat here with my nearly 4 week old. He's looking at my boob, head butting it, whining, but not sucking. I take him away from my boob and he roots and pulls himself toward my nipple. He will then eventually feed for a grand total of 2 minutes when I put him to my boob and starts whining or ends up falling asleep. I then put him on my chest and the cycle starts again.

I'm finding it so hard. He is having dirty nappies so I know he's eating enough, it's just never for more than a couple of minutes at a time.

I'm exhausted.

AIBU to think that breastfeeding is so hard, and that nobody tells you before you're in the thick of it? (Also, WIBU to ask you for BF advice, seeing as I'm here already!)

Sighs...

Also, I've had him checked for tongue tie and all looks normal...

Yes it’s solid! But it didn’t work out for me so sadly I can’t give advice.

Keep at it if you are keen to breastfeed and I’m sure there’ll be some great advice on this thread, but don’t be nervous to call it a day and say it’s not working for you if it gets too much.

Hello - I agree it is pretty hard. Feeding my first was the hardest thing I have ever done I think!

What kind of support do you have? Have you had someone actually look at you feeding to check all is ok?

My experience of tongue tie is that people often miss a posterior tie. My third baby had an anterior tie snipped on day 2 and I was assured that was it. Five months later we had his massive posterior tie cold lasered off by a paediatric dentist.

It is so hard!!! Don’t give yourself a hard time! It’s a real commitment- it will get better but it isn’t easy for everyone!!!

Plus I hated the “it’s natural” so’s walking but they take ages to get that too! It new for both of you!

Very hard.

By 8 weeks it gets better. Keep going if you can/want to, because then it gets a hell of a lot easier.

I've had HV watch me and been to a BF support group. Sods law he fed for (slightly) longer both times (he occasionally feeds for 5/6 minutes). They both said latch was perfect and I was doing great but I am exhausted by it.

Can I suggest that you call the NCT feeding helpline on 0300 330 0700? It is staffed by experienced breast feeding counsellors who will be able to help you.

With my first I thought it was the hardest thing in the world (worse than labour), but...one day a few weeks in I suddenly realised that it had become a doddle, a piece of piss, a walk in the park and it is one of the things I am most relieved about in life, that I didn’t quit. You’ll turn a corner I promise and everything falls into place. Truly. I swear.

It is crap and it's also ok to formula feed.

I won't quit. He was FF for the first few days of his life. I'm so grateful for that formula as he wouldn't have done well without it. I am extremely proud of myself for getting him off bottles and EBF. Just feel like I'm not doing it right/missing a trick...

Does the inside of his mouth look ok? When my dd did this she had thrush and although she was hungry it was too painful to suckle.

Totally exhausting.
It took twelve weeks of hard work with my first and many paniced moments of thinking I wasn’t getting it. But we fed till she was just over two.
Just feeding my one year old to sleep now.

It gets better. If you want too push on through. You can do it.

@Ohsolomio of course, we FF right at the start. It means a lot to me to BF though and am desperate to make it work if I can!

It is really really tough at this stage OP, but it gets better and then it is so so worth it, I ended up feeding DD for 21 months. My DD was like your DS and fed little and often, someone (can't remember if it was a HV or midwife) got me to stroke her cheek along her jawline repeatedly while latched and feeding and that seemed to get her to carry on sucking rhythmically and feed for a bit longer. Also tickling feet if they are falling asleep can work to keep them awake and feeding a little longer. How much support have you got at home for having breaks/time to yourself etc? That makes a world of difference.

Was also going to suggest the NCT line. I think I rang them daily for about a week!

YANBU. It is very difficult in the beginning but it does also get a lot easier. Well done on getting four weeks under your belt though, sounds like you're a tough cookie keeping going when you have a snacker baby.

Also. I remember thinking recently.
It’s not all on my. Baby needs time to learn this new skill too.

@Stormwhale yep HV said his mouth is 'lovely and clean'

@silkpyjamasallday oh sadly I have... none. At home on my own all day every day!

Thanks those who have suggested NCT I will absolutely call'

@Watchingthetelly 'snacker baby' - love it!

Yes, it is really hard. For the first month I inwardly screamed in pain whenever DD latched on. I was so unbelievably tired. I felt wretched and dreaded her cry when she wanted feeding.

Went to support groups, told latch fine, made to feel that something was wrong because it bloody hurt.

It became quite easy by around 2-3 months and the pain ceased.

DD had previously taken the odd bottle then absolutely refused to entertain the idea at 4 months.

Still feeding now at nearly 11 months- didn’t really have a choice due to bottle refusing baby. I enjoy it but it is a tie, especially now I’m back at work a couple of days- she’s been very sick and had a period of refusing all food/drink except breast milk. So I’ve had to work around that (fortunately work are flexible).

That said I’ve been able to have evenings out and I’ve been glad not to have the extra hassle of prepping bottles. Also the weight just dropped off, in spite of cake.

IMO there’s no “easy” way to feed a baby. My advice would be once you’ve introduced the bottle keep giving it, don’t leave it weeks hoping it’ll be ok.

Good luck with whatever you do, hope you can find some support.

Struggled at the start due to engorgement and very forceful let down, once we worked around this it got much easier and I'm still breastfeeding him 12 months later.. so hang in there if it's important to you, once they get the hang of it and become more efficient at getting the milk it gets easier.

We are able to go longer than a couple of hours between feeds now, but only after I started weaning him and he was eating other things.. now he only drinks about 3 times a day. Quite a difference from every couple of hours! Therefore isn't as all consuming now and I feel I have my body back a bit.

It is crazy difficult and you’re right there’s no warning!! My second was the same as yours and isn’t much better now and she’s just turned a year old! What are your sleeping arrangements and what’s he like through the night? It does get easier and is so worth it, I found focussing on the good moments( the little smiles when they look up at you and how peaceful they look asleep) helped when I was struggling!! Also when it’s too much IT IS OK to step away and collect yourself!!! Also I’d try and lay down to feed aswell or what ever positition you feel more comfortable in for the times you know he can be fussy xx

Sometimes skin-to-skin and daddy cuddles are actually better, if he’s fed but still seems ‘interested’ having skin-to-skin with dad may sooth him because he can have the skin contact/hear heart beating but there’s no amazing smell of milk that is oh so tempting.