to think breastfeeding is SO hard?

[MamIAMoon]

Sat here with my nearly 4 week old. He's looking at my boob, head butting it, whining, but not sucking. I take him away from my boob and he roots and pulls himself toward my nipple. He will then eventually feed for a grand total of 2 minutes when I put him to my boob and starts whining or ends up falling asleep. I then put him on my chest and the cycle starts again.

I'm finding it so hard. He is having dirty nappies so I know he's eating enough, it's just never for more than a couple of minutes at a time.

I'm exhausted.

AIBU to think that breastfeeding is so hard, and that nobody tells you before you're in the thick of it? (Also, WIBU to ask you for BF advice, seeing as I'm here already!)

Sighs...

Oh you have my sympathies... I had problems for the first 8 weeks by which point my nipples were practically hanging off and I would cry every time my DD was due a feed because it was so painful. I went to lots of different places for support and all the comments seemed to be about the position I was holding her in despite me constantly raising the issue that she didn’t seem to open her mouth very wide or for very long. After 8 weeks a lovely lady from the leche league ( god sorry can’t spell that) who agreed with me and suggested osteopathy. I had no idea what osteopathy was or what they would do but we went off to the osteopathic children’s centre in Wandsworth who are a charity and training facility. They examined her and discovered that she was unable to properly turn her head and her suck was impaired ( up and down not drawing back if that makes sense) which was caused by my traumatic delivery. They treated her and she improved probably 75% after the first treatment and then 100% after the second. They also resolved a little problem with her bowel. I continued to see them as she had a slightly misshapen head from lying on the same side all the time. So, all those people consulted and no one had really suggested that there might be a physical impairment with my DD - there are possible reasons beyond tongue tie. Obviously osteopathy might not work for you but maybe a little MOT might help you eliminate the type of problems we had.

Its so hard at that stage. The age old sleep when baby sleeps applies. Also eat and drink lots for energy- chocolate and milkshakes were my go to.
Have you tried feeding lying down. Good when you are too exhausted to even sit up-basically face each other in bed with baby at boob level and they latch on. Also some people seem to find using the sling and baby sort of lying upright and feeding worked for them- again may help if exhausted. Also a feeding cushion amd lots of cushions behind you helps a bit with pressure on your back and arms. Good luck.

Bless you, dont be too hard on yourself. Give it time, i know its painful but do try to persist if it what you want to do, first few months are difficult but once your both relaxed and comfortable with each other it will all seem like nothing. Just give it time...and if you still find it difficult try mix feeding. I was very against it with mine however when i did reluctantly ff it really did ease the pressure off myself. I still bf baby at 11 months. I enjoy that time we both have together cuddling just being mummy and baby.

It gets easier I promise :)

It’s always hard at the start, after the first few months, it feels almost effortless and it’s lovely not having to think about having enough formula and bottles with you. As long as your their baby is ok.

Your doing a great job!
It does take a lot of time, but it’s worth it in the long run :)

exhausting but easy for me if that makes sense? You just have to get on with it I'm afraid

Yeah it's dead hard, that meme although intended to be supportive made me laugh though. It should include 'by 9 months you wish you had formula fed because you have go go back to work and baby won't take a bottle at nursery and still wakes every 2 hours during the night'

Anyway good luck OP and I hope all gets easier for you.

It truly gets easier!!!

People told me two weeks, then 4 weeks... it was still so painful for me and I just thought I would continue through the pain regardless and actually gave up hope of it getting better and had adjusted my pain tolerance to cope. Then one boob got better, then two weeks later the other boob did. It was week 9 I think and now it's a breeze and I'm so so glad I carried on!

The best advice I had from a lactation consultant when ds3 was 5 weeks "you may have done it before, but he hasn't"

In your case neither of you have. You both need to learn and it takes time. If he's getting wet and dirty nappies and gaining weight then he's doing fine.

I had over supply, forceful let down and ds2 and 3 both has rubbish latches for the first 8 weeks or so.
It all seemed to resolve slowly after 6 week growth spurt. Bf ds2 until 13months. Ds3 is 6 months and it's easy now, except for when he's slapping me or pinching me or pulling on and off to be nosy..

You're doing great. It's a process and a learning curve for you both. Keep going.

You are doing it right. It can be relentless but I’ve found it gets massively easier after 8-12 weeks, 12 with 1st baby 8 with 2nd. Cluster feeding all evening never bothered me as I just got comfy in front of the telly, it’s when they’re doing it at night that it’s hard going but it really pays off as it’s sooooo much easier than bottle faffing in the long run. You sound like you've done amazingly so far.

It’s SO hard. We mix feed DD because she falls asleep within two minutes of being on the breast. Like proper asleep. Then wakes up fifteen minutes later and we do the same again. We then top up with a bottle of either expressed milk or formula. I would’ve gone mad by now without introducing the bottle. Oh and we also use nipple shields every time.

See if your local osteopath has breastfeeding drop-in, they have lactation consultants at a few near here who were double checking babies for ringgit the when I went for other reasons. At £8, it's worth not needing to wait for referrals to get another opinion.
My baby was lazy in the boob, feeding for ages, still does though not so bad. It was really tiring at 4, 6, 8, 12 and 16 weeks from memory; mostly I love it, so i hope it can work out for you like that too. The initial weeks I needed to strip him off to keep him awake enough to feed, you could try stripping tonight.

Oh I have been there! My DS would only feed for a couple of minute at a time and I was so anxious about it. Right on about six weeks we both got the hang of it and then it was the most convenient thing in the world, but I remember how tough those early weeks were. Hang in there. Ask for help. Get your HV to come back if you need them too. You're doing a great job

Ringgit the = tongue tie...

Also wind the baby firmly; when mine got windy he'd stop feeding and give up until we got him to burp, I think wind became more of an issue at about 4 weeks.

Both of my children were incredibly hard to feed and get to gain any weight. Both of them were checked for tongue tie, both of their tongue ties were missed by professionals. I urge you to find someone who is trained in them to check for you

I knew by reading your title that your baby must only be a few weeks old. And boy is that one hellish time for breastfeeding. I assure you though, It WILL get easier. I would feel like tearing my own hair out at times with DD as she just wouldnt stop feeding and would cry within 30 mins of her last feed and would only sleep if she was on the breast.

I agree with another poster get checked for posterior TT.
My DD was checked at birth by a midwife, checked by my midwife on the day 5 check, then by my GP and also a senior health visitor. All said tongue was fine. Because they just looked at it.
At 9 weeks she was checked by an infant feeding consultant who put her finger in DDs mouth and told me she had such a tight posterior tie that she was actually unable to suckle...all she had been drinking this whole time was let down and then struggled to get the rest.

Hoping it isnt the case with you but as well as a Breastfeeding group, definitely try to get seen by an infant feeding team. They will be able to help with all aspects of breastfeeding. It isnt just about latch either, they told me my latch was perfect but my positioning was off. I hadnt a clue about this before.

You WILL get there. And when you do itll be the easiest thing in the world. And bloody rewarding too!

It's crazy how hard you forget how hard those early days are.

I'm just feeding my 10 mo DS to sleep in our bed (singing Silent Night and Little Donkey).

Funny how before I was pregnant I presumed babies slept in cots and stopped breastfeeding once weaned.

Haha how naive I was!!!

It’s brutal
Hang on in there

They learn how to do it better I promise you x

Another one to say it does get easier. I had engorgement about 2 weeks in. I would sit with no top on and cold flannels on my boobs. Horrific. But I persevered and after about 6 weeks i settled into it.

My dd would feed for 10/15 mins max. Friends and family were worried that she wasn't eating enough because they would have sat for hours feeding.... there was nothing wrong with her eating she was just quick!

Cluster feeding is also hell. Just make sure you have a bottle or water and the tv remote and settle down for a few hours on the sofa.

Also lanolin cream... get alot of it and rub it on your nipples after each feed really helps with soreness.

When I got very sore I put nipple shields on inside my bra, the milk would collect in the tip and soothe my nipples. Sounds odd but it got me through the first weeks.

yes it is bloody hard at first. And then suddenly they can lift up your top and do it all themselves and you think you're glad you persevered as bottles seem a faff in comparison

This! Well done OP, you're doing a brilliant job!

Oh god it is hands down the hardest thing I have ever learnt to do. It is infuriating and painful and so incredibly worrying at the start because you constantly worry about whether they’re getting enough, have they fed in the last X hours.... etc etc. BUT it is also, hands down, the best thing I’ve ever done now. My daughter is 9mo and we find it so easy it’s ridiculous. I remember one day about 14 weeks in when I realised I couldn’t remember the last cluster feed or fussy latch or crying in hunger screaming that used to happen. Or when I last got flustered trying to get her to latch and it was BRILLIANT. A lot like how you don’t really remember labour pains with any clarity (or maybe I just went in too hard on the gas and air?!) you’ll eventually realise you don’t really remember the really tough early days and you actually think it’s pretty amazing.

However, it is ok to not enjoy it. It can be really shit and it is absolutely relentless. And thinking/feeling that is absolutely ok. Do not beat yourself up about it if you have a day when you really hate it. We all have those days (unless you’re super lucky)!!!

I used a dummy when at this age baby was rooting but not hungry, despite what mw said baby did not get nipple confusion

For us it was a nightmare to start with. Horrible. Latch was fine but I dreaded every feed, I had the most horrible painful letdown, like knives every time, baby was fussy at the breast, just awful.

Different things work for different people but nipple shields were a game changer for us. Like it went from total shit to instantly better. I got a lot of shit for using them, the midwife and health visitor were both really disapproving but they were the best thing I ever got.

It was like hell on earth for me for the first 6 weeks! Constantly had to strip her of to even try, then after that it's like she just clicked and got on with it!

Absolutely golden tip I was given:

When baby is sort of head bashing your tit and won't latch, stand up with your boob out and try and latch. The act of standing up makes them calm and latch about 90% of the time.

BF is super hard. It's also very rewarding. It does get easier I promise.