to think breastfeeding is SO hard?

[MamIAMoon]

Sat here with my nearly 4 week old. He's looking at my boob, head butting it, whining, but not sucking. I take him away from my boob and he roots and pulls himself toward my nipple. He will then eventually feed for a grand total of 2 minutes when I put him to my boob and starts whining or ends up falling asleep. I then put him on my chest and the cycle starts again.

I'm finding it so hard. He is having dirty nappies so I know he's eating enough, it's just never for more than a couple of minutes at a time.

I'm exhausted.

AIBU to think that breastfeeding is so hard, and that nobody tells you before you're in the thick of it? (Also, WIBU to ask you for BF advice, seeing as I'm here already!)

Sighs...

Oh it was so difficult and it didn’t work out for us unfortunately. In hindsight we’ve found that he had lip tie which may have affected feeding, but even if you don’t have medical reasons it’s difficult and it completely took me by surprise. I imagined it would be more like “put nipple in baby’s mouth - job done” kind of thing but it’s not! Our health visitors and midwives gave us lots of conflicting advice so we were so clueless and my milk dried up as a result of stress. Luckily my son was absolutely fine on formula and he’s a happy, healthy toddler now but I sometimes wish breastfeeding would have worked out for us as it would have been so much easier.

You have my sympathies! I’d recommend getting a specialist to check the latch or maybe check out your local breastfeeding cafe or other support groups. If it doesn’t work out you always have formula to fall back on, and combination feeding is an option too! Good luck!

So bloody hard op

@babycatcher411 DS has lots of daddy cuddles but still knows to reach for daddy's nipple! It's entertaining (until he gets promptly handed back to me!)

Just seeing your other posts OP. I genuinely had a breastfeeding nightmare with a critically ill child, messed up supply, forced feeding by pumping only, food allergies and more. I was determined to keep feeding, and It was awful, but I got there and am still feeding my 9mo. I nearly broke myself with the stress though so just don't do that to yourself. Like if you need to sleep for three hours, let someone give him a bottle of formula.

The first 8/10 weeks are really awful - DS2 was the same with very short but very frequent feeds which didn't feel right but the HV assured me that was just his way. I was exhausted, doubted myself and as for the toe curling nipple pain..... But because DS1 was very easy to BF, we went up to 20 months in the end, I knew I could do it and knew how to do it... if I'd had the boys the other way round then maybe I'd have given up. So what I'm saying is it gets a lot easier - just believe in yourself. Good luck!

Double check tongue tie because feeding for 5 minutes and falling asleep (almost constantly!) is a sign of tongue tie.

Even without the TT, breastfeeding is so hard but so worth it. It does get better from 6 weeks but it is still hard work.

If that's the way he always feeds, there's definitely something off. Babies should be able to fill their tummies enough to settle for at least part of the day.

Tongue tie is the most likely underlying reason given what you've described, and going by my own experiences its extremely hard to get diagnosed. Or they say its a 'minor' problem that doesn't affect feeding. The problem is that the latch can look fine from the outside and baby can appear to be feeding well so the other symptoms get dismissed. Even apparently minor problems can result in an unhappy baby and unhappy mum.

Another possibility is oral thrush. This can also be very hard to detect - doesn't always have visible symptoms - but can be very uncomfortable for baby. The best thing for it is Dr Newmans all purpose nipple ointment (APNO). Google it and ask your gp for a prescription, then go to a pharmacy that mixes medicines. It's absolute magic.

Hope you get to the root cause

Long term is is really easy so it’s worth persevering! DD a 5 min feeder and wouldn’t feed to sleep. She breastfed then needed a dummy. DS1 and DS2 both attached to breast whenever they had the opportunity! Both had very difficult starts but I was very determined. DD must have been very efficient because she fed much less than the boys but was much bigger!

Breastfeeding IS hard!!

My eldest was a hopeless breastfeeder, yet I foolishly perceived because I thought I'd be a failure if I didn't. She generally only fed for about 5 minutes a feed, on one side, and just fed every 60-90minutes for the first 5 months. She also didn't learn to latch until she was a week old. Her latch was appalling, never looked like the pictures, was noisy, and my nipples looked like a war zone.

Luckily she was very cute and a easy baby otherwise (and an easy almost 5 year old 😊).

My youngest was a model breastfeeder. Never a difficult moment in the 20mths I fed her for. That said, she's now nuts 😂

No advice, other than a fellow-mum-high-five. It's hard; it's okay to push through and it's okay to call it quits. It does get better though...

I'm a few weeks ahead of you and know how you feel. It's getting easier though but some days were pretty terrible!
A big thing earlier on is that I found that my baby used to fall asleep really quickly, not feed properly and then the cycle would begin like you. What I did was I reversed my order of doing things- changed his nappy first, this woke him, sometimes left his babygro off if it was warm, after this I would feed him. That way he was awake and stimulated at the start of the feed and if he fell asleep afterwards I would not change his nappy again until he woke.
Another tip is to feed, wind after a few minutes, feed, wind again etc. At this age they have tiny tiny bowels so even the tiniest bubble of gas causes pain which they can mistake for hunger.
Also be prepared for lots of feeding in the night- Google cluster feeding.
We also started cosleeping which I swore I would never do, until I had 5 nights in a row with one hours sleep. We do it now and life is so much better. Google the position you need to be in to make this safe.
Join a breastfeeding group. I'm not really a "group" type but doing it with others who can give you tips helps your confidence. Also see what support the maternity/community have in relation in lactation consultants.
A big part of breastfeeding is psychological and a woman needs a lot of practical and emotional support to breastfeed, no one tells you that so it is best to get all you can.
I'm two weeks ahead of you and was were you are, hugs to you!

It is so tough but you sound as though you are doing brilliantly! It is perfectly normal for babies to graze and not take a "full" feed - particularly when they are so little. He may want to comfort suck and therefore not really want to take in any milk (my baby was a pro at sucking just enough to trigger my let down before unlatching, allowing me get totally soaked!). I found it useful to hand him to DH if he was messing around for ages so I had a break or if I was by myself I'd pop him in his bounce chair with the vibrate setting which would settle him for a bit. Also experiment with different holds - he may be uncomfy and latch better in a different position. DS preferred rugby hold and when he got too long for that then side-lying; he never really liked the traditional cradle hold at all. It does improve- I found 12 weeks a real turning point personally. Good luck!

Hi OP yes it is bloody hard at first. And then suddenly they can lift up your top and do it all themselves and you think you're glad you persevered as bottles seem a faff in comparison.

We had an awful time with my second. Two midwives missed a posterior tongue tie and she was feeding every 2 hours at least including at night - it was tiring her out so much. She wasn't very sick compared to other babies and was just because she wasn't getting enough. Unless your baby has been checked by a tongue tie practitioner it may be worth getting re-checked

Secondly I had heard of cranial osteopathy and thought it was all a bit woo. But I booked an appointment when I was at the end of my tether. They pointed out the baby was always bending to one side and long story short she had a problem with her neck. She was stuck in the birth canal for ages (they could 'see the head' for hours and hours) which is probably why. It was hurting her to feed especially on one side (as she had to kind of hold her head uo a bit) which was another reason she was so fussy. They gave us exercises to do at home as well and after a few sessions she managed to lie a lot straighter and fed a lot better. It was weird I couldn't see it at the time but looking at old photos she couldn't turn her head to one side and her body was always bent and it took someone else to show me. In the meantime a feeding group showed me other positions like rugby ball and lying down that helped.

Just wanted to share my experience as shows issues can be caused by things you've not even considered but can sometimes be overcome with a lot of help and effort

It’s so hard but so brilliant t if you can manage to stick it out and get support.
If any consolation my first was so hard to feed but second came out knowing what to do!

DD has major issues latching and was a sleepy newborn & I saw every lactation consultant my area had to offer in the weeks leading up to both of us getting it right. I pumped every 3/4 hours for 4 weeks and was dropper and then bottle feeding her expressed milk as she wasn’t able to get enough at all through my efforts!

The last (and loveliest) of the group of LCs just thought dd had a little growing to do before she’d do it as it was intended. Assured me I was doing everything right and encouraged me to show her the breast before bottle feeding her the expressed milk every time. No issues with tongue tie or anything else. I did follow her advice.

The LC lady was right. One day she just got it. And then everything was so much easier. She just did need to grow & get used to it.

For me anyway, after doing both, BF’ing when it works is so much easier than faffing with bottles, believe you me! I went on to EBF without pumping and then fed till she was about 1 year and self weaned.

Don’t despair, you’re doing a great job, and once your baby gets the hang of it, you’ll feel really proud of making it through the haze and exhaustion - it isn’t meant to be that hard, and though these days are absolutely exhausting and frustrating you can absolutely get there and it’ll be so worth it !

The first 8 weeks are insanely hard...but then I think we have it was easier than FF mum's.

No sterilizing or preping bottles to go out...always at the right temperature.

It's definitely a lot of sacrifice and pain in the early days though.

Sounds like you're doing amazing to get get this far!

Not at all unreasonable, but it gets so much better. Really soon as well.

Make sure that you are taking advantage of all the help on offer so you're getting the best latch/experience.

In a hot minute, you'll be feeling soooo happy that you've got the hang of it and how easy it is.

I fed my youngest until he was 3 - but for the first few weeks? It was heinous. Hang in there x

Breastfeeding my first two DC was a breeze, no problems at all, fed both for over 6months. And now #3 has come along, my nipples are shredded, took 6 weeks for her to regain birth weight, it's painful and horrible and I'm not enjoying it at all. She's 8 weeks now, and I'm giving it until the new year, and if we still haven't cracked it, formula it is.

YANBU
I personally found it very very easy initially. Fed immediately with all my dc. No pain. No issues nothing. Easiest thing ever
BUT I really struggled a few months in when I wanted to reduce feeds and I felt very very ‘trapped’
Being pregnant and breastfeeding too caused nursing aversion which was horrible so although I had none of the ‘usual’ problems I did still have others and there were times I wish I’d ff instead

Really, really, really hard!!! But hang in there, because it pays off after 2 months! There’s so much conflicting advice that it’s so easy to feel like you’re doing it wrong, but if your baby is gaining weight and filling nappies and healthy, then you’re not doing it wrong.

Are you saying that baby doesn’t go long between feeds? I was told my first baby was ‘topping up’ feeding, so he was just having a bit of milk and never actually going hungry. My 2nd only fed for a few mins at a time. He was actually really efficient at getting milk, so didn’t need to feed for 45mins at a time (lucky me) but he did feed every 2 hours.

With my first I thought it was the hardest thing in the world (worse than labour), but...one day a few weeks in I suddenly realised that it had become a doddle, a piece of piss, a walk in the park and it is one of the things I am most relieved about in life, that I didn’t quit. You’ll turn a corner I promise and everything falls into place. Truly. I swear.

This^^

I'm 6 months in to breastfeeding and the pain and frustration of those first few weeks is still very raw. I thought about quitting every day but people kept saying it would get easier so I kept on even though I didn't believe them and it really did get easier. Like pp above, one night I just suddenly realised we were feeding with no effort. I'd not had to put the light on and faff around checking her latch, I'd had no pain; just put her to my boob and we were doing it!!

Formula is always a great back up but I promise it gets easier if you can just keep going through this hard bit

As long as this isn't how baby always feeds then it sounds like your baby is trying to increase your supply: typified by headbutting boobs, feeding one-off every couple of minutes, restless and whingy.

I think a lot of the really hard things about breastfeeding are because no one tells you it's normal and not to worry; eg the mental cluster feeding and growth spurts.

It's ffing horrible when they're doing it but so worth it in the long run.

I found big steps forward in terms of ease at 6ish weeks and 4 months with both of mine.

You're doing great

I had HV and BF support people tell me d's wasn't tongue tied. Had to go to a proper lactation consultant to find out that he was. When it was snipped it was an absolutely miracle. Always worth another opinion.

I found it so hard. Genuinely wonder a bit if I regret that because I felt adamant that it was the right thing to do that I stuck with it as it made feeding my baby so stressful for over 6 months. She had tongue tie and silent reflux and cried during every single feed for six and a half months. Every single one. I could never feed in public unless I knew there was a private feeding room. She self weaned and I was so relieved. She’s 11 months now and a brilliant eater but still hates milk (did the whole dairy allergy thing for me and her) . She’s my only and will be (8 ivfs) and part of me wishes I stopped sooner as I hated, hated feeding her but the pressure to do right by her was kept me doing it. So go easy and don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

What even is tongue tie? I have no idea.

I so hope he settles... thanks so much everyone for the encouragement. I do have a few bottles of formula left over and have kept them just in case I totally give up one day...

yep just wanted to add to the chorus of "it gets easier and what you are experiencing sounds normal" try and join some kind of baby group so you can share stories it really nakes a difference. Ask around and find out what there is in your area I think there is an app now for making mum friends which might sound a bit odd but it exists because it's such a difficult and sometimes lonely time.

i have breastfed three for over a year and once those early few weeks are over it's easy and well worth the effort