to think breastfeeding is SO hard?

[MamIAMoon]

Sat here with my nearly 4 week old. He's looking at my boob, head butting it, whining, but not sucking. I take him away from my boob and he roots and pulls himself toward my nipple. He will then eventually feed for a grand total of 2 minutes when I put him to my boob and starts whining or ends up falling asleep. I then put him on my chest and the cycle starts again.

I'm finding it so hard. He is having dirty nappies so I know he's eating enough, it's just never for more than a couple of minutes at a time.

I'm exhausted.

AIBU to think that breastfeeding is so hard, and that nobody tells you before you're in the thick of it? (Also, WIBU to ask you for BF advice, seeing as I'm here already!)

Sighs...

head bashing your tit

we've all been there

YADNBU. It's so hard I gave up the first time, it was just a non starter.

I was successful the second time. After intense effort and tears, and an 'easier' baby, I got the knack. I think the mouth just gets larger. But I had a love/hate attitude to it. Hated the enormous boobs, having to ALWAYS wear a (unsupportive, ill-fitting) nursing bra, breast pads, being the only one able to feed and not give my first child as much attention. On the other hand it's lovely to be able to feed at your own breast, and you're loathe to stop after investing so much effort. I still stopped voluntarily even when I'd 'cracked it', and was relived to do so.

It really is a minefield! With hindsight my advice would be not to get hung up on it, just enjoy your baby however you end up feeding. Congratulations.

I feel your pain - my son was exactly the same!

They’re so tiny at 4 weeks and not very strong yet. Just working their jaw muscles to extract the milk is exhausting, so they stop for breaks and then start again. Nobody tells you this!

Think of it like a new runner on a treadmill. Yes in theory you “should” do it for 20-30 mins without stopping, but it’s so exhausting that a beginner might stop for breaks!

When your babe is a strapping eight month old, he or she will be much stronger and feeds will be much quicker. Believe it or not, you might actually miss these never-ending feeds with your tiny newborn!

Also - About 20 midwives and two doctors missed my son’s posterior tongue tie and his lip tie. I got them diagnosed and snipped at three months by a paediatric dentist. That also helped us a lot - it doesn’t sound like this is an issue for you though.

OP Does feeding still hurt a lot? Or it just takes forever? Hang in there xx

Yanbu. But you’re doing a wonderful job and it WILL get easier. I loved the fact that every single milk feed my child had was from me and being held in my arms. I was proud of myself for doing it because it is NOT easy and it is all down to you. So and decaf

It’s v hard. Mine had tongue tie and couldn’t latch so we tried breast shields and he latches perfectly am aiming to start breast feeding without them but for now whilst it works I’m sticking with it x

If you are happy with nappies/weight gain and not in pain from the latch it could just be how your baby feeds for just now. In two weeks time there will be a growth spurt which for me made a big difference. My son was always a frequent feeder (everytime he was awake he was on me) and although it is so so hard at the beginning (especially when people ask if you have enough milk...you do.) a baby who gets a lot of comfort from breastfeeding can be quite easy to comfort as they get older. No matter what the problem is (teething, immunisations, fever, boredom) feeding is always the solution. My son was the most delightful little boy....as long as there was a nipple within 1cm of his face.

Some tips that I wish I had:

• forget tummy time/laundry/any other tasks that you are too tired to do. Get a good box set and feed your baby on the couch all day long. Get some snacks and a massive flask of water or juice
• the 3/4 hourly feeds thing is a heap of crap for many babies. Sometimes they go 5 hours, sometimes 20 minutes.
• if you have any help during the day (dm/mil/friends) see if they can take the baby a walk for you. If they stay home you hear baby and go down at first noise but if they take baby a walk close by, you know they are safe and looked after and if they need you they can come back quickly.
• try to get used to public feeding. Wearing a vest top under your jumper really helps (lift jumper up and lower vest and you dont have to flash your tummy at all). The benefits of breastfeeding if that you can shove 2 nappies and a babygrow in your bag and go out for the whole day when you feel ready.
• if you want to try a dummy, try a dummy. Your baby will spit it out when they want a nipple.
• try a wrap or carrier if you want some mobility rather than being stuck on the couch. My goal for next baby is to master feeding in the wrap.

Be kind to yourself! You are both just learning and getting to know each other. My velcro baby is now the most delightful almost 2 year old who is still as cuddly and likes to be close as he was in the early days. It gets SO much better.

I saw ‘BF is so hard’ on another thread the other day and kind of thought, but didn’t say, no it’s really not. BUT, I had forgotten about the stage you’re at OP where it is unbelievably HARD. My baby (now 14mo and still BF) did exactly what yours is doing when she was a newborn. It was frustrating, tiring and just plain difficult. I thought at the time I will just take it one day at a time and that’s how I managed to get through. As PPs have pointed out it gets easier at about 8-12 weeks or so. Good luck

Those early days are bloody hard!

I'm currently led with DS feeding and it's not been s fun night. Think we saw every hour! He is one

Has the baby been assessed by a tongue tie practitioner? I am one and I'm telling you this baby definitely has one that has been missed (probably posterior) health visitors and midwives are notoriously bad for picking up the posterior ones. Please ask for a referral to a tt practitioner. If you need any advice send me a message x