to say no to school run?

[Nanaletti]

I'm 4 weeks PP. Usually do the school run once a week to pick up DSS, but my DD is currently quite demanding, I'm knackered, had zero sleep, she's attached to my boob 24/7 and the school run is 20 miles there and 20 miles back.

I'm really stressing about it but know that if I don't do it, DH will be stuck because he's at work.

I'm completely exhausted. WIBU to say no to doing it for the foreseeable future until DD is in a routine?

FanFan no it’s is 4 hours a day, two for round trip

Op:
I understand that life goes on but the vast majority of people will be looking at a 30-40 min round trip journey for school run, not 2 hours of driving. Guess I'll just have to suck it up and crack on.

No way would I do this - 2 hour RT with a new baby. Fuck that shit.

DSS parents will have to make different arrangements.

I hope OP is asleep and not preparing for the school run

This is surely what annual leave is for?
Your DH needs to pick his son up for a few weeks.

Your problem here is your dh. I feel so sorry for you.

Hi OP, my advice is to not do the school run, you have enough on your plate at present. Speak to your DH, he needs to speak to his DS's mother, let them sort it out between them.
Nothing is set in stone, you have just had a baby, the child's mother decided to move miles away, as is her right, and it is your right to stay home. Don't leave this to fester, speak calmly, state your case, and let it be known, that unfortunately it isn't a debateable issue.

Ask DSS mum to do it or arrange half way agreement, or DH should find away to arrange it.

Ivehit - are you still actually married to the knobweasel? I'm AMAZED. Fucking bastard!

Surely DH would be entitled to some paternity leave?

The amount of danger you put people in is ridiculous when you drive on zero sleep. People die. It shouldn't even be something that's being considered so it's very obviously up to your DH and his ex to sort out until you're up to it again.

As you can't do it for a few weeks (say until the end of term, and hope everything is more cope-able with for January) then yes you have to ask DH to deal with it.

You could suggest that he uses annual leave or a formal or informal TOIL arrangement to l work early on Fridays for the next month or so, then he can do it himself. Or find out who DSS's friends are and arrange a series of play dates so DH can go later,, or hire someone to do the pick up.

Arrange a cab to pick him up this time. Serious talk before next week

Imagine if they were your own child, you'd have to do it. Lots of mums do the school run with newborns. I understand where your coming from but it is only once a week. X

Nope, yanbu
Ffs you’ve not long had his baby and your expected to drive two hrs to pick up his child, just no.

Ignoring the effects on you, for a start it is not healthy or advisable for a newborn to Be sat in a car seat for 2 hrs, it can comprise their breathing.
I’ve done a 90min school run, twice a day with a newborn, it was not fun or pleasant, I had to stop often there and back to feed dc and sometimes dc would scream when there ask nowhere suitable to pull over, not conductive to safe driving. I lived on red bull and pro plus during those months as I was so sleep deprived I was terrified of falling asleep at the wheel.

I would ask you dp to change his working so he can do the pickup on the Friday or he asks ex to be able to pick up dc on the sat morning instead.

And for those saying do it, it’s only once a week....I seriously doubt they’ve ever had to do such a long school run and until you have you can’t understand how bad it is, especially with a newborn.

Absolutely no way should you be doing this, your DH needs to step up and do some parenting! Can you get in touch with him any other way? I suppose you might be on route now though. Make this the last time.

Ivehit - are you still actually married to the knobweasel? I'm AMAZED. Fucking bastard!

Yes I am. Now that we're through the baby stage and all the kids are a bit older everything's a bit easier, that grim year feels like a whole other life.

Things are good with DH and me now. In every other way, he's a lovely man and a great guy. I think he was so fixated on keeping DSS's routine exactly the same so that he wouldn't feel pushed out by the baby, he just couldn't think of it any other way. Every time I said to him, "I don't want to do the school run any more," he could only hear, "I don't want DSS here any more." Because to him, the logical end point of me not doing the school run was DSS not being here, because he wouldn't physically be able to get here.

Of course, he could have asked DSS's mum to drop him off or something but apparently it was sacrilegious of me to even suggest it

Honestly, if I'd have had the mental and physical strength to leave him back then, I think I would have done. But now we're out the other side, I'm glad I didn't.

I won't lie though, that whole time being so difficult has torpedoed any good relationship I had with DSS's mum. We were amicable and worked fairly well together before. But she was such a massive dick during that time, as well as DH, that I can't stand to have anything to do with her now. Which is a shame and I wouldn't want DSS to ever know that. But that's how far reaching and damaging these kind of pisstakes can be. Which is exactly why OP needs to say no. It's so unfair that she's being put in that position.

Don't pick him up. Your husband is a prick. You have to STOP! contact his mum or the school and explain you can't do the pick up.
You do it once your selfish husband will think twice about putting you in this position again.

Back when mine were born (in the '80s) we were told not to drive until our 6 weeks check. And this was for a 'routine' vaginal birth.

You have a choice. Either you carry on, or you don't. And that decision needs to be made with the welfare of BOTH children. It is not safe for a knackered, emotionally upset, distracted new mother to be on the road. It just isn't. Personally, I'm surprised the ex hasn't thought of this herself.

It's probably too late to do anything today, but I'd be messaging DH and his Ex that today was the last time I was doing the run. It's the weekend. They have a couple of days to figure out what to do. If DH has turned his phone off (shitty thing to do, what if there was an emergency?) I'd email his work email.

Question, and I apologize if I'm out of line. Are you afraid to put your foot down with your DH? If so, why?

can't believe he turned his phone off, cheeky fucker

OP - this is bonkers. The parents need to sort this out, not you.

Absolutely shit situation op. No way should this be your responsibility.

Your dh sounds like a dick tbh. Does he always check out of family life? He needs to pull his finger out.

You are authorised to collect DSS and therefore you are authorised to call the school and say there’s a problem with you collecting and he will have to go to After School club. As his Step Parent you have that right anyway under the Education Act. Do this.

Your DSS’s Mum decided to move away and move his school despite your DH having him 2 school days a week and alternate weekends. Well, she needs to now help with school runs or accept that the original Court Order cannot stand and will need anmending. Can she collect him and drive him to ours Thurs and Fri evenings? Given she moved away that’s not unfair? Or she pays the childcare bill for whikst DH hasn’t to travel there.

I wouldn't do this school run now. Turning his phone off was a really prick move - your h needs to be sent a message and if you let him pull this sort of stunt, you might as well have doormat tattoed on your forehead!

She's not his Mum Kidssendingmenuts. As everyone's always so keen to remind stepparents, he already has a Mum, and a Dad.

And if you bothered to RTFT you'll see if he was her child he wouldn't be in school 20 miles away