to say no to school run?

[Nanaletti]

I'm 4 weeks PP. Usually do the school run once a week to pick up DSS, but my DD is currently quite demanding, I'm knackered, had zero sleep, she's attached to my boob 24/7 and the school run is 20 miles there and 20 miles back.

I'm really stressing about it but know that if I don't do it, DH will be stuck because he's at work.

I'm completely exhausted. WIBU to say no to doing it for the foreseeable future until DD is in a routine?

You've posted about this before haven't you? The details sound very familiar with the ex-moving 20 miles away and you being expected to drive because your DH won't arrange to pick up his own son. You have tried to address you but your DH just ignores you

You need to be firm here. If your DH has turned the phone off you need to call the ex and say you cannot collect today because you are unwell. Your DH will have to deal with the consequences of turning his phone off - at the moment he is relying on guilting you into doing what he wants

Maybe he could take every Friday off for the next 5 weeks on annual leave? He could collect his son and then spend the day with you and your new child.

Romany it’s her DSS, she has no choice the mother moved

Baby has been feeding all morning. Very cranky. I've not showered or had breakfast. Are showers just a thing of the past now? DH has no idea how hard this is.

I was going to come on to say the same as Pig - maybe a half day working at home for a few weeks.

This is why we have maternity leave - so that you can concentrate on yourself and your new baby. Please don't feel guilty about doing so.
I agree with stopping all of this now, and not agreeing to ever start it up again. The contact schedule needs to be facilitated by the boy's mum and dad. You can't guarantee that you'll ever be available for these school drop offs. If the schedule needs to change, or if an after school club or another option needs to be found, stay out of it and let your husband deal with this. It's really not your responsibility and you're husband needs to step up.
Best wishes.

Are showers just a thing of the past now?

Showers are not a thing of the past. You doing the school run is a thing of the past.

Your husband

Reading your updates OP, your DH sounds like a pig.

Why are you carrying his mental load?

His child, his logistics. I'd tell him tonight that's the last time.

I'm all for stepmums being involved, but he's taking the piss.

Sorry, did read the thread, but totally not with it today.

OP, do as others have suggested, call the school.
Then leave messages at dh work, and child's mother.
It's not your responsibility, sc has parents to care.

You shouldn't be driving when you are so exhausted. Is DSS's mum approachable? Would you be able to contact her and get her to pick him up, then your partner could collect him from there once he has finished work? I'm sure she wouldn't want her child in a car with a sleep deprived driver either.

Yes - you might not be his parent - but you are being made responsible for him by his (pathetic) father. Call the school - explain the situation - they will have heard it before. Ask if there is an emergency after school club place for this evening - if there is book him in. Then text your 'D'H and tell him he will need to collect his son when he finishes work. Check the timings, ensure that his father will have finished work by the time he needs collecting.

I would then refuse to do any further school collections at least until after christmas. Make it clear tonight that that is the case and you will not be changing your mind.

DO NOT DRIVE ON NO SLEEP WITH A 4 WEEK OLD BABY. That is not responsible as a driver bearing in mind the saftey of yourselves and other road users. If you are not able to arrange after school club tonight then you will have to ask grandad this evening but I would make sure that he knows that his son switched his phone off rather than deal with the safey of his wife and children.

RomanyRoots - You need to get your children in a closer school.
When you go back to work you could be called out often as kids pick up everything when they start school. we chose one we could walk to in 10 mins, made for a much easier life than a 40 mile round trip

errr - have you actually understood this thread? Obviously OP is not in a position to change where her step-child goes to school

We are talking about OP's step-son whose mother moved him 20 miles away and who obviously goes to school near his mother's home as she is RP. OP's DH has visitation that covers 2 school days each week. At the moment he refuses to take responsibility for any of the school runs for his own son

I feel your pain OP. I am currently doing all collections, drop offs, and school runs for DPs son who stays mid week for 2 weeks and then every third weekend in a town 18 miles away. I also have 2 young children. I posted about it too, and the consensus was that DP learns to drive which he is doing, albeit slowly due to work commitments. It's stressful, especially midweek mornings. But you've just had a baby, are no doubt having minimal rest and are recovering from childbirth and so for you and your babies sake you need to put your foot down here. You could have a serious accident if you are really so tired. I don't know in your situation what the solution could be, but I hope you find one.

DO NOT DO THE PICK UP TODAT AS THE SITUATION WILL NOT CHANGE!

(Sorry for "shouting"!)

Newborns are incredibly hard work. Chances are the baby will sleep for the journey however hasn't the guidance on the time spent by newborns changed? I'd say this might impact your decision.

I agree with pp who suggest that you should call the school to say you won’t be collecting DSS so that they can contact the parents to sort this out. You need to start getting a bit tougher to protect your family’s safety.

I think this is and emergency situation in which a parent would be allowed to leave work at 2pm.

The childcare arrangement for his son has broken down at short notice.

Now he needs to sort it.

Here are a few questions :

Does it feel irresponsible to drive this long journey today?
Would you want an equally sleep - deprived person to drive your child on this journey?
Is your husband being reasonable?
Will your husband voluntarily offer to do anything about it unless you force the situation?

I would either suggest after school club and dad picks him up or your dh taking parental leave/Holiday/unpaid leave/change his hours on Fridays to do the school runs.
Has he even spoken to his employer? It might be possibility for him to reduce his hours on a Friday and work a longer day on another day.

I think you need to put your foot down your dh is taking the piss!

ive also read this exact thing before

Please don't drive if you're that exhausted - you might kill yourself, your baby DD and your DSS, not to mention other people.

Your H needs to step the fuck up and arrange after school club so he can collect his DS, or his Ex needs to collect and you don't get DSS on a Friday evening for a while. Better that than risking an accident.

It's also not recommended for a new born to be in a car seat for more than 30 minutes. 2 hours is not safe at all.

I'm in a similar logistic position to you OP. My DSS is at school the other side of the city to us and where I work. I do the school drop offs/pick-ups when we have him in the week which can mean doing the drive up to 4 times a week, it's usually an hour and half round trip due to traffic. My DH doesn't drive.

After having my DS, and indeed just before when pregnant. I used to take someone with me on the drive. My MIL doesn't like to drive through bad traffic, but she used to come with me and could sit in the back and calm DS if he got grumpy. Also just knowing that I had someone there who could drive if I really needed it made me feel loads better. The adult company helped with tiredness too.

We also pay for after school club on the days we have DSS (I can't get there at the end of the school day anyway). This gives a lot more freedom in terms of getting there, so I could in theory leave a little later if I get a hold up at work. This would give you time to stop off if needed, or mean you DH could do the pick-up.

We have done some swaps of days, like picking up early Sat morning rather than Fri evening. We sometimes have to swap due to my work commitments.

Though in saying all this my DH has always been very supportive and has and would use public transport to collect DSS if I was unable. It does not sound like you DH has been understanding at all today.

That would be a no from me.
Too dangerous to drive that far in a sleep-deprived state when it's not strictly necessary for YOU to do it.

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/warning-over-babies-sleeping-in-car-seats/

As HavelockVetinari says, no longer than 30 minutes in a car seat, and even 30 minutes isn't good, if you can avoid it. They found that while sat at this angle for 30 minutes – either stationary or when in motion – the babies' heart and breathing rate increased, and their blood oxygen levels were lower compared with lying flat in a cot