to say no to school run?

[Nanaletti]

I'm 4 weeks PP. Usually do the school run once a week to pick up DSS, but my DD is currently quite demanding, I'm knackered, had zero sleep, she's attached to my boob 24/7 and the school run is 20 miles there and 20 miles back.

I'm really stressing about it but know that if I don't do it, DH will be stuck because he's at work.

I'm completely exhausted. WIBU to say no to doing it for the foreseeable future until DD is in a routine?

@PrivateDoor he's acting all chirpy like nothing is wrong. He knows I'm pissed off. He's doing what he does when he knows he's wrong and wants to avoid an argument. I'm not arguing with him in front of his son. I'm going to my mums at 6 when she's home.

Nanaletti, ignore any bitter ex wives on here. They love to have a go at a struggling stepmother.

I think you were very kind to do the school run. You need to make sure that DH understands that you won’t be doing it even if his ex refuses to help out. It may mean that DSS gets picked up later on Fridays or waits until Saturday morning.

I hope you get some rest at your mum’s house.

YANBU but your bloody husband is!

What if God Forbid you'd had an accident because your so bloody exhausted?Does he help with the baby at all?Does he have any idea how little proper sleep you are getting?

I know it's harder when you breastfeed(because unless you express which can take sodding ages your DH can't feed the baby)I've breastfed all 5 of my DC but my DH was amazing,he was still working full time and doing shift work but every time our DD woke up I would feed her and then my DH would take her and wind her,change her,wrap her up and put her back to bed so every time that she woke up I got an extra 20 minutes sleep whilst he did the burping and nappy changes,but I'm guessing that your DH isn't chipping in as much as he should be.

I think you need to tell him that today was the last day that you'd risk yours and your DC's lifes by driving whilst your so exhausted,it's not safe and him sorting out a safer option is the only choice!

I hope he listens and without kicking off and that you get to have a nice rest at your mum's.

OP just wanted to ask if you are eating enough yourself? You mentioned earlier having no breakfast. You MUST feed yourself regularly when you are breastfeeding.

Have a good break with your mum and eat, drink and rest. Give DSS a kiss on your way out and give your DH some food for thought.

OP,
You’ve done the right thing in my opinion. It’s so hard with a newborn and you have to put yourself and your baby first. Your DSS will need time to adjust as things will be slightly different now but he has a Mum and Dad and they just need to sort future arrangements between them.
When my DD was born I was still expected to do school runs for 2 teenage DSD. It proved so stressful after a couple of weeks that I said no and refused until my daughter was in more of a routine and I was feeling more like myself.
Unacceptable that your DH switched his phone off.
I hope you manage to get some rest when you’re at your mums. It does get easier.

Oh woe is me, here I am being super mum BREAST feeding my precious little baby. I cannot possibly do a 40 mile round trip. Except you would’ve done if he was your own.
Projecting much?? A 40 mile round trip with only a very short stop in the middle IS ridiculous with a new born irrespective of how she feeds. Op needs to stop to feed regardless the baby needs taking out of its car seat ideally once each way. OP is EXHAISTED, told DP and his attitude was tough, my job is more important

OP I think you’re a hero. Well done for keeping it together for a two hour drive with a four week old baby in tow, I wouldn’t have managed it at this early stage. I have a step son that I adore and it’s clear that you do yours as you are so committed to him, but my DSS understands that now we have DS some arrangements have had to change and that doesn’t mean I love him any less. I definitely think this school run should be one of them!

Wait.... you changed your working hours to collect DSS? Why didn't DH?

Can't his mother do it?

If he can't change his working hours then DSS comes for the weekend.

What else can you do if you don't feel up to this pick up?

Beginning to see why his first marriage didn't work out. He doesn't really understand the baby stage does he?

Suit yourself, everyone else does.

His mother can’t do it as it’s not her contact day
Also changing it is not just his decision, the mother will be settled with this arrangement

This isnt your problem to solve, you are not his parent . Let one of them resolve it. Your husband can ask for flexible workin, TOIL or take leave. Plenty mums manage to do this.

Mums on the Mn are always saying how they hate the step mum interfering and doing any parenting. How its not her place to do anything for their child.

Listen to them.

Oh woe is me, here I am being super mum BREAST feeding my precious little baby. I cannot possibly do a 40 mile round trip. Except you would’ve done if he was your own

What kind of bullshittery is this comment about?

I know of ZERO new mums (or second or third time mums) who would undertake a 2 hour commute on a weekly basis. They’d make sure they didn’t need to do it for their own. Breastfeeding does make it tougher not least due to the lack of being able to pass over the care of your baby for any decent amount of time to either get a break or undertake something like a 2 hour commute.

I rtft, but this whole situation just needs a big fat no.

Newborns don’t need that kind of journey every week. New mums shouldn’t be driving that journey every week if they’re exhausted. It’s that simple. You can’t do it. That’s the end of your involvement for now.

Glad you’re off for a rest at your mum’s OP. Don’t let your husband take you out of it I’d give you any crap. The very idea that your DSS will be traumatised by one on one weekend time with his own father, ffs... You’ve shown a lot of grace in the face of some ridiculous and unkind comments and I hope this marks a change in the dynamic now. Look after yourself. Enjoy your baby.

Well done OP! Do go to your Mums, even if you tell your DSS that you need to catch up on sleep so you and baby are going to your Mums for the weekend. Tell him he can have the chance to have a special boys weekend just with his Dad and you can do something nice together next weekend.

I wouldn’t say anything whilst your DSS is there, maybe message him when you get to your Mums and tell him he was bloody out of order and that you won’t be controlled by him again!

To the poster who said that OP was unreasonable for contacting her DH at work, that’s complete crap! If OP’s DSS took ill during the day the school would contact her DH at work! He is a parent, if for one reason or the other arrangements need to be changed, he needs to put his big boy pants on and bloody change them. What if the baby took unwell or if OP had an accident? Is she still meant to pick her DSS up? No of course not! There is a reason why schools ask for multiple contact details for precisely this sort of thing!

I mean to message your DH not DSS! Badly worded there OP, sorry xx

Have a lovely week away at your mum's, hopefully you'll be able to get some rest

I wouldn't talk about stopping the pickups "until after Christmas" or any other date in the future. I'd stop it altogether, tell DH to find a ornament solution that doesn't involve you. I know January seems ages away but you have the possibility of sleep regressions and then there's teething... Honestly I really advise against agreeing to do this at any point in the future.

Ornament = permanent 😂

I really feel for you. It's hard enough with a newborn when you're stuck at home all day and they've been cluster feeding and you can't get a shower or something to eat with a cup of tea or to go to the toilet. Adding a lengthy school run into the mix is absolute nightmare. I've often felt like DH has it easy going off to work whilst I deal with the babies.

It's just a phase and it will get better. All couples are tested at this time. He's been inconsiderate and things need to change. Feel sorry for poor DSS stuck in the middle. It's a bit different when your own child gets the flak for being stressed about your youngest. It's actually a bit harder with a step son.

Don't know about your financial situation but could doing it in a taxi for a few weeks help?

Then you could have a nap in the back 😂

OP you really need to get your husband to understand that as a parent of multiple children it is completely unacceptable to switch his phone off and be uncontactable for the whole day. What if there was an accident or an emergency?

Unforgivable behaviour. I’m glad you are going to your mums.

Let him sort the school run out in the future.

Hopefully, you're on your way to Mum's now.

FWIW, you did nothing wrong. Shoot, I'd probably have given DSS a handful of biscuits instead of an orange with his milk.

Let your mum give you a cuddle or two and a 'soft place to land'. I'd probably tell DH to leave me be for the weekend. You have a lot to think about. If my DH had done that to me when I was feeling upset, I think it might be the last straw. But for tonight, just let go and try to relax and let your mum take over.