to say no to school run?

[Nanaletti]

I'm 4 weeks PP. Usually do the school run once a week to pick up DSS, but my DD is currently quite demanding, I'm knackered, had zero sleep, she's attached to my boob 24/7 and the school run is 20 miles there and 20 miles back.

I'm really stressing about it but know that if I don't do it, DH will be stuck because he's at work.

I'm completely exhausted. WIBU to say no to doing it for the foreseeable future until DD is in a routine?

Your h is a fucking arsehole for turning his phone off when you said you were struggling. I would never be doing that pick up again after that and would be seriously reconsidering him.

You really need to survive the weekend at home if you want to maintain a positive relationship with DSS (obviously if your planning on leaving permanently it doesn't matter but a 7 year old will think its him you're avoiding).
You were also unfair to expect him to make alternative arrangements when he was already at work today. If you didn't want to do the school run you should have discussed it last night at the latest.

Well done OP.

DS is safe and will be fed.

You and baby are home and safe.

I think your plan to stay at your Mum's is perfect, and I hope this helps you get some sleep.

You've done NOTHING wrong.

BertramKibbler fuck off. She’s already said if it was her dc they would have been at a closer school.

I agree with Chicky. This issue proves that the current access arrangements are not working any more since you DH's ex moved. The parents haven't noticed because you are the one picking up the slack. But bringing DSS home to you house after school for his mum to take him back to he house near the school is madness. There must be a better way to sort this.

@user139328237 I've had a productive relationship with DSS for 6 years, it won't be harmed by me going away until Sunday. He won't think it's him. I go to my mums at the weekend all the time so it's fairly normal.

@BertramKibbler if he was my son he wouldn't be in a school 20 miles away

@Didiusfalco
If her DC lived with their dad Monday-Thursday they would not be at a closer school. OP is presumably thinking that she'd have custody of her child because she is a woman.

Oh woe is me, here I am being super mum BREAST feeding my precious little baby. I cannot possibly do a 40 mile round trip. Except you would’ve done if he was your own

What a very stupid thing to say.

If he was OP’s child he wouldn’t be at school 20 miles away would he? And if he were, I’m sure OP would arrange an after school club or childminder.

Bertram that is unkind

Blimey BertramKibbler - who pissed you off? The OP wouldn't have a child at school 20 miles away and a newborn baby, would she? Stupid thing to say. And the breastfeeding is neither here nor there.

Your new baby is a bit of a red herring here. The journey makes no sense on a day that you are not have DSS to actually stay over.

@Didiusfalco not even sure where the breastfeeding thing came from! Have I mentioned breast feeding other than in my op? I don't think I've said anything to make out I'm amazing because I BF? You were much blunter than me. Thank you!

@user139328237 what has Mon-Thurs got to do with anything? We just making up scenarios now? And I probably would have custody because let's face it, DH is unable to pick up the child he's already got who is in school!

Get what your saying user, but if it was her dc she would have more control than she has in this situation.

You were also unfair to expect him to make alternative arrangements when he was already at work today.
So having realised with several hours notice that she was unsafe to do it, it's just tough? She should put the kids in danger rather than DP having to do something?? She WASN'T SAFE TO DRIVE and he's bloody lucky both if happened. Because if it had it would have been Op's fault for not standing her ground / being better prepared / not making baby sleep more/choosing to have a baby when DSS exsists

Poor lad, just make him some toast or a sandwich.

Don't take it out on him because his dad turned his phone off.

What would your 'D'H do if you weren't around? Afterschool club perhaps? He's being very selfish in expecting everyone else (you, his Dad) to put themselves out so that he's not inconvenienced in the slightest. It's his son, he needs to take primary responsibility.

Of course as a partnership and as a step-mum you'll help where you can. At the moment you can't. Instead of seeing it as something you're taking away, he should see it as a very nice thing you've been doing to help whilst you had time, and now your arrangements need to go back to 'normal'.

I had a bad night.

DD has a bad belly. She cried all night. Some nights she's okay.

I let DH know this morning that I was too tired.

He could've TRIED to help out. But no. He switched his phone off.

Not seeing how this is my fault here.

I was able to see both sides of this up until your 'd'h turned his phone off. What an arse. That's utterly unacceptable.

What if you'd NOT made it to pick up DSS? (Like you pulled over to sleep/feed and it took longer than expected). Who would have stepped in at the last minute? Deliberately making himself unavailable to care for his own child is a shitty thing to do. It just proves that he's willing to inconvenience, even endanger, you, your DD, his son, his ex.

That's a really shitty way for him to behave.

@GreatDuckCookery I gave him a massive orange and milk. He's completely fine and holding his DD now. His dad is home and doing food. I'm having a much needed shower.

Once a week- i would so it. He’s your DH’s son so part of family.

Can your H take a couple of hours off at the end of the day for the next 4 weeks. He'd only loose 2 days holiday. He could pick son up and then in a few weeks you'll be more in a routine and settled.

User OPs dc would be at a school near her as she would be main carer of her dc as her H clearly isn’t, he’s at work most of the time and wouldn’t want shared care as he can’t do the school run when he does have contact with his dc.

And I wouldn’t spend the weekend taking care of DSS, he will not be scarred being patented by his father who appears to be an expert in avoiding parenting his own dc.

Op I hope you get the much needed rest at your mums.

@ApproachingATunnel that's why I've been doing it for the past few months. I even changed my working hours to do it. I didn't mind. Circumstances how now changed temporarily.

OP you have done NOTHING wrong here, absolutely nothing!!!! Has DH apologised or anything? I hope you have a relaxing weekend with your mum

Some ideas:
Your DH takes one day's holiday every Friday for the next 6 weeks or so. Better still if he can take a half day each week. Then he does the school run.
You/DH explain to ex W that you nodded off briefly while driving and are cutting out longer journeys for a few weeks. You are really worried about school run and putting DSC at risk.
Suggest a combination of things for the next few 8-10 weeks. DH taking leave. DSC goes to after school or back to mums until DH picks him up after work. Or even going to a school friend's house for a couple of hours sometimes until he can be picked up.
We use all these methods to manage our childcare (and reciprocate lots). We are in London, no extended family and have longish commutes to work so it has to be this way.

Flexible arrangements is about to become the name of the game. It won't hurt DH to get used to it now ...

However if none of this is possible could you sacrifice much of the day and make the journey in shorter chunks, stopping to feed/get a coffee en route. Taking baby out of the car seat so it's not a solid 2 hours in the seat. A PITA, I know. But if it was the only alternative? Or is there public transport you could use? (I suspect not if you are not in a big city...)

Best of luck. I remember calling this period of hourly nighttime feeding 'my own private hell' with the best of intentions you can't understand it if you haven't been through it. 10 years on I now value that time alone with baby, but less so then !!!