to say no to school run?

[Nanaletti]

I'm 4 weeks PP. Usually do the school run once a week to pick up DSS, but my DD is currently quite demanding, I'm knackered, had zero sleep, she's attached to my boob 24/7 and the school run is 20 miles there and 20 miles back.

I'm really stressing about it but know that if I don't do it, DH will be stuck because he's at work.

I'm completely exhausted. WIBU to say no to doing it for the foreseeable future until DD is in a routine?

Did you go OP?

I guess the option if you wanted to keep doing it would be to leave earlier, find somewhere for a coffee mid way then get to school early and nurse at the school then do the return trip with a stop off for tea / a hot choc etc but that'll make it from 2 hours into all afternoon

Yes I did it today but won't be doing it again. I had a big coffee and left very early. I wasn't as tired as I thought I was but not entirely sure what else I was to do. At the end of the day there would've been a 7 year old boy waiting at the school gates with nobody to pick up. His mum is not home, DH phone turned off. I had to do it.

I ended up snapping at DSS when he got home as he was pestering me to hold DD who has cried since we got home because she's hungry.

Guaranteed he will settle and DH will stroll in nonethewiser.

I've messaged him telling him no more school runs until after Christmas at least.

Well done on both accounts
You deserve a medal

DSS is hungry and I've told him his dad will make him dinner when he gets back and to have an orange. I've text my lovely neighbour to pop over to say hi (she always makes me tea 😜 and LOVES seeing DD - it's a running joke that she makes tea in return for snuggles). I've reached the end of my tether and genuinely don't care about his grumpiness anymore. That car journey was more stressful than any sulking husband!!

Well done, Nanaletti.

Please focus with your DP on how utterly unacceptable it is for him to be completely uncontactable during the day. He simply cannot switch his phone off. If there was an emergency with either child, or you, it would be awful.

He needs to work out how to either adjust his working hours on a Friday to accommodate the new contact difficulties, or change the contact schedule to accommodate.

You shouldn't be part of the long-term solution to this.

Your not so dear h is an absolute bastard!

I honestly am appalled at his behaviour! Do feel free to read my comment to him should you feel the need because the coward needs a massive kick up the backside!

He risked the lives of his wife and both of his children today! I honestly would leave if my husband pulled a stunt like that! He is a controlling bully and he knew that doing what he did you would have to do what he wanted! I would be packing a bag and taking your baby dd to either your Mums/ a friends/ or even a hotel.

I'm going to my mums until Tuesday. Can't leave until he gets back as his DS is here. I'm fed up. Bag is packed. Can't believe I'm actually going! Never felt this numb towards our relationship before.

I know you're tired but don't snap at dss or refuse to make him food - he is the innocent party in all this. It's your shit head of a h you need to be snapping at.

The person I feel sorry for is your step son. It's not his fault, he is innocent in all this drama yet he was shouted at for wanting to cuddle his sister and then when he's hungry, he's told to have an orange. Fruit doesn't satisfy hunger. The poor boy, having to wait to eat until his Dad arrives home.

@IWannaSeeHowItEnds I likely would've snapped anyway as he wasn't listening to me. DH is home in 5 so I'm not starving him, just making him wait a tiny bit longer. I would of course make him food if it was late!

I know you're tired love, but it isn't your DSS's fault he's only a wee boy, he's 7. Can you make him a bit of toast or something and let him sit up beside you and his sister?

The DSS has access snacks. His father can get him a full meal when he gets in. He won’t suffer waiting a bit.

I’m glad you’re standing up for yourself. Please do try to be kind to your dss. He’s already been through a lot by the sound of it. I hope your husband is usually a better father than the one he’s displaying right here.

@68Anon it wasn't exactly like that. I was trying to feed my screaming DD and he was literally trying to take her out of my arms and not listening to me when I told him he needed to stop, so I snapped. I didn't shout, I just firmly told him to stop. He's not going to starve waiting an extra 30 mins until his dad gets home. If it was late I would absolutely make him his dinner.

because of 5he distance it doesn't make sense to have dss during the week, weekends and holidays ate much more practical n, and it doesn't matter of that was the agreement, since they moved away, it doesn't work now, no way should you be travelling that distance for the school run

What a shit situation for you and for your DSS.
Neither of you

Deserve this.

I gave him an orange and a glass of milk and he's waiting for his dad to come home for dinner. He didn't listen to me so I told him off for it. I haven't done anything awful have I?

Oh I’ve said stop to Ds when dd wants to be fed, don’t worry
5.00 isn’t late
He is little but I’m sure you’re doing well with him
Your dh on the other hand
He put you all at risk

he was shouted at for wanting to cuddle his sister

No he wasn't. He was shouted at for pestering. At 7 he is old enough to understand baby is crying because she's hungry and only Dsm can feed her.

having to wait to eat until his Dad arrives home
Yes OP put down the tiny baby and let her s ream whilst you feed the older child. Doesn't matter if as a baby she can't help herself to a snack. You chose to have a baby when you already had a step son, you must NEVER make your child's needs more important even if hers is a need and his is a want.

Don't stress - you are human, and all older siblings get snapped at when they are being annoying around a cranky baby and its crankier sleep-deprived mother!

My DC would only get an orange and a glass of milk too if I knew another responsible adult would be home to take over and make tea on a Friday night.

Step-relationship doesn't come into it. It's exactly how I'd treat my DC.

@MarshaBradyo @SleepingStandingUp thank you! I swear, sometime I can do nothing right. I just want to sleep...

@NoSquirrels you'd think I had done something awful by the reactions on here :( thanks for your perspective!

Enjoy the rest at our Mums. Maybe some proper sleep (will Granny hog baby in between feeds so you can sleep when you aren't being used for lunch?) will put things in perspective. I think the numbness is sleep depand hormones. And the fact that DH was an utter dick today. What if you'd had an accident with his kids in the car and the medics had to call him?