AIBU potty training nursery

[AriadneAnemone]

DD is 2.9 months and still in nappies. She is supposed to be moving up to the 'big' room at nursery nearer her 3rd birthday and her nursery have said they don't do nappies in the big room. They told me to bring in trousers and nickers to nursery next week so they can start getting her used to using the toilet and "of course she will have accidents but she is ready".

I expressed that I didn't think she was ready and manager was adamant she was.

Reasons I don't think she's ready - refuses/cries when put on the potty or toilet, has never yet done a wee in the potty when we have had a go at training in the past few months (she is at nursery 3 half days, so we have most of the week to ourselves to do this), and doesn't tell us when she has wet herself or her nappy.

She might say "oh, look, wee" if she hasn't got a nappy on and gets wet knickers and leggings, but it doesn't bother her, iyswin? She won't ask to be changed out of them. Similarly with a poo/wee nappy, she isn't bothered about sitting in it. She doesn't show any interest in potty training at all. Even when the potty is right in front of her and she only has knickers on (and we've practised pulling up and down and she can more or less do that herself), she will just wee herself, and then the next time the same, and the next, and when we ask her to use the potty next time she needs one she just says "no" and has even picked up her potty and thrown it before out of frustration.

Therefore I just don't think she's "there" yet but the nursery are telling me that she is, and the tone of voice they use with me and expressions makes it seem like they think I'm being neglectful or holding her back, but I don't think it's fair to send her in to nursery when she has never successfully used a potty, just for her to wee and poo herself. She doesn't seem to know when she will wee?

What do you think? Are they being unreasonable to tell me I need to do this right now? I was waiting for the signs of readiness that my family nurse told me to look for, and I don't see them yet.

As I said uothread my kid certainly showed signs of readiness.

Being potty trained without me having to do any training was great. Months of wet and dirty clothes and following the child round with a potty would have been horrible

When you said 2.9 months I thought you meant nearly 3 months ie an age where kids commonly wear nappies. But you actually meant 2.9 years! Sorry but you are BU if you don’t expect a nearly 3yo to use the toilet!

It’s always fun when the words of medical professionals and those of Mners disagree and yet the MNer are soooo sure they must be right

We started potty training when ds was 2 and a halfb more due to other people saying it must be time etc. He wasn't ready. Four months later we can have six days where he is perfect and then a couple where he just lets go. He picked his own potty etc. Hopefully he should be water tight before christmas but it has been a long hard process. Not helped by having the runs with chicken pox 😭😭
I would say keep encouraging and maybe leave the potty lying around but at same time don't force it.

My ds is also 2.9 and we did potty training at 2.4. He showed no particular signs of readiness, I just wanted to try as it was summer. He picked it up really well within a week. Was perfect for 2/3 months and then had a major regression for the last couple of months which he is just coming out of thankfully! Personally I much prefer him being out of nappies and having to cart around a giant changing bag, even when he was having accidents and we had to carry around spare clothes - his accidents were never major, so I never had to clean up puddles.

His room at nursery is 2.5-3.5, he’s one of the younger ones. I’d say only about half are toilet trained, there do seem to be quite a few in nappies still, even ones who are older than DS. I’m surprised parents don’t want to try earlier, I hate using skanky baby change units when out and about.

OP, I sent you a PM.

I would give it a go! What harm can it do?

Well this thread is an eye opener.

OP I’ve trained five children of mine your way, all trained between 2.5 to 3 except one with SEN at 3.5. None have any issues whatsoever now, all been dry day and night since.

We're just about to try and train our 2.11 year old even though she's showing no interest at all. It's daunting isn't it? I wouldn't like being dictated to as to when we had to do it.

My concern with my DD is that she's on a diuretic as she has a heart condition and this reduces her blood volume, reducing pressure on the heart, by making her wee a lot. I'm worried this is going to make it extra tricky for her. Maybe we'll just wait until next month when we see her consultant. There's talk of putting her on something to reduce her blood pressure instead.

Being potty trained without me having to do any training was great. Months of wet and dirty clothes and following the child round with a potty would have been horrible

This is how I feel when I read threads about people having to carry around portable potties, etc. Grim.

But I’m glad those folks have the comfort of their superiority.

ERIC, the children’s bowel and bladder charity, have some useful advice on potty training:

www.eric.org.uk/Pages/Category/potty-training

My nursery said exactly the same when my son was that age. I was a bit worried as started DD (DC1) too young (about 2) and it took ages. DS was actually ready (nursery were right) and he potty trained in about a week and was dry at night shortly after. I was glad they had given me a bit of a push to get on with it! As others have said peer pressure during nursery hour was v helpful.

My DD was 3 before she was potty trained, she didn't like the potty, we bought one of those seats you put on the toilet, she preferred that as it made her feel just like mummy and daddy.

My children are adults.nearly 30years ago most people couldn’t wait to get rid of smelly buckets of soaking nappies.children generally trained once they hit the magic 2 mark, you just stayed in for a few days and kept at it. Most got there apart from any SN issues. Disposables are so easy I think people don’t feel the need to train earlier and lets be honest, you had to stay in the house for a week which working mums would find hard and SAHMs seem to find unacceptable.

None of mine showed the slightest signs of being ready to train, but somehow they did!

You sound like you just can't be arsed OP.

What a load of Nonsrnse @StarUtopia my oldest son was 3 and a half when he was fully dry ds2 is 8 and instill nappies(disabillities) if you know a child in year 1still on nappies do you not think there is a reason for it?

According to some on here if your child doesn’t get changed into pants and start using the toilet themselves with absolutely no prompting then they aren’t ready!
My 2 had a few accidents but were reliable within about a week. Both trained when they were 2 and were trained at night before they were 3. Just because a child is a little resistant it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bother trying to encourage them. If they are resistant to tooth brushing, going to bed etc I’m sure you don’t just say ok let’s leave it then!
Yes there will be some cases where children genuinely aren’t ready - they don’t feel when they need to go and have no control over it. But that certainly doesn’t sound to be the case with the op. She says her dd dislikes the potty and actively holds her wee when she sits on it at times she normally wets. A lot of children ‘aren’t ready’ because the parents either haven’t tried or are whipping them in and out of nappies and giving up after a few accidents. Someone earlier on the thread said it was apparent their child wasn’t ready after a few hours of training! If you’re expecting to train with no accidents whatsoever that is rare in my experience of working in nurseries and my own family and peers. I’ve only ever heard it on here where it’s apparently quite common 😂 Even if the child trains when they’re older it is a long time they have been peeing in nappies and they need to undo that habit. I would consider anything going in the potty or toilet on day 1 as a success.
A child doesn’t need to tick every single sign on a checklist to be ready. I didn’t wean my children until 6 months and they still weren’t particularly showing an interest in or reaching for my food or waking at night which are apparently signs of readiness. They could sit and hold their heads up though and were definitely more than ready once we started!

YABU it’s called training for a reason.

Why not let the nursery try and train her? They will soon find out if you are right. Maybe, she will respond better to the nursery staff and peer pressure and will soon end up toilet trained.