Mil threatening to not come to wedding

[YellowMellow15]

Dp and I have been together 6 years and planning on getting married next year. Its a small thing and we have invited the people we want only instead of inviting every single person out of obligation amd this includes extended family members.
My dp has not invited one of his uncles (his mums brother) for several reason: he hasnt seen or spoke to him in over 10 years and he doesnt like him, any memory of him has been extremely negative and my dp's dad also really dislikes the uncle.
My dp has been told if the uncle isnt invited then mil is not going (theres also the possibilty dp will be cut out of the will if he doesnt)
For comparison i havnt invited one of my uncles for the same reasons and my family have respected my choice with no fall outs.
We do not have a good relationship in the first place with mil (could write a book about that) and we arent bothered if she doesnt come. Obviously dp would like his mum to be there but his dad has said hes going and thats enough. We understand the loyalty she has to her brother and that extends to missing her sons wedding.
Are we being unreasonable for not inviting him?

Not at all. I didn’t invite my uncle and his wife because they’re grabby shit stirrers. Created no drama at all.

Not at all. Weddings are expensive so why should you pay for someone who you don't know or like when you could have a genuine friend there?

I had similar at my very small wedding. I was mulling the idea of inviting only one of my father's sisters. My dad said it would cause a row and my mum said if I was inviting dad's siblings, I should invite her siblings. It was very easy to say no to all aunts and uncles. Luckily everyone was a grown-up and we had a lovely wedding.

We had to invite people we didn't want to and they acted up and caused problems for us. It can spoil the entire day if you've got to spend it with a difficult person.

How many siblings does his mum have? Is the uncle the only one of those not invited?

Regardless though, her behaviour is ridiculous and should not be pandered to.

Are MIL and FIL together?

How do they deal with the uncle issue?

Ha that’s funny ex mil kicked off because her brother was not invited.There was only 8 at the wedding including bride and groom.
Of course on this occasion she did not get her own way.
Down to her if she comes or not,don’t back down

I don't think you are.

It's your wedding, invite who you want.

I don’t like the idea of only inviting some aunts / uncles. Personally I’d say all or none.

Not at all unreasonable. Her loss if she chooses to be so petty and miss her son’s wedding.

It’s your wedding. You have who you want. No one else’s opinions matters. Who says things like taking u out of the will if they don’t come to your wedding ???????? That’s barmy. I had a very small wedding in Gretna green. I invited who I wanted to. If people had an opinion about this no one said it to my face. Again. It was my wedding. And I wouldn’t have had anyone else tell me who could come.

I invited all my aunts and uncles to keep my mum and nan happy and regret it. Weddings should be about celebrating with loved ones, people who care about you as a couple and are an important part of your life - not having to spend time talking to people you barely know or like. Your wedding only lasts one day and (hopefully) you only have one so make sure it's the day you want, with the people you want there

Unless she's paying for the whole thing, YANBU.
My FIL pulled a similar stunt. He wasn't missed.
He pulled it and it worked when SIL got married, he did it again over her DS's name, 40th party etc.

Tell her it is a shame she won't be there and you hadn't realised that a brother meant more to her than her own child but if that's how it has to be then heyho

We had a very similar situation. MIL and her sister said they wouldn’t come if we didn’t invite the person we’d not had any contact with for over a decade. We said ‘oh dear, that’s a shame but if that’s how you feel well either use your space for a friend or it’ll keep the cost down which would be nice!.’

Of course they changed their mind

Threatening to take him out of the will if he doesn't comply to her demands is insane. YANBU. You know that. Enjoy your wedding (and marriage ) without her dramaz.

The good thing is you don't have to do anything, the invites have gone out. If Mil is threatening not to come, that's her problem. She will look silly if she doesn't especially if FIL is present. I think also if you invite the Uncle, it sends out the wrong message that Mil is in control. Your wedding, your choice.

do what you both want, bet MIL still comes regardless.

Don’t back down. You’re not the ones who made a big deal out of it, she is.

Your wedding = your decisions. We made a mistake of allowing MIL and SIL to invite all relatives they wanted at our wedding plus their friends. It was a complete chaos and I hated having to go around talking to all these people I had no clue about and, in many cases, had never even seen before the wedding.

If you and DP aren't bothered if she comes or not, all the better.

Its your wedding, if you haven't seen someone for a long time and you don't have a good relationship with them why would you want them at your wedding. If mil doesn't want to come then that's her choice, don't worry about being left out of her Will, its a threat and if she doesn't want to leave your dp anything with good grace then I wouldn't want it anyway.

My husband wrote a list of the people he wanted to invite. He's Mr Popularity so we had to do a bit of culling to meet venue capacity anyway.

Then I went through it and crossed off anyone I hadn't met in the 10 years we had been together. This included some of his older brothers who he had invited out of principle, over some of his very good friends who we see regularly (they're there for every birthday, every Christmas etc.) He was glad I did in the end.

completely agree with ShalomJackie, make the MIL feel ashamed that she would rather miss a massive moment in her sons life because of her brother who she knows doesn't get along with her son.
As for not being in the will; that's shallow and would just make me not want the MIL at any occasion, what a bitter woman.

Threatening to take him out of the will if he doesn't comply to her demands is insane.

Agree - and I would add NEVER give in to threats like his, or it will be held over your heads every time your MIL wants something her own way.

"We respect your decision but we will miss you. Do let us know in plenty of time if you change your mind, you would be most welcome." Either completely ignore the whole will thing or tell her that you hope that she lives to a ripe old age so are not expecting to inherit anything anyway.

You simply reply, "Sorry, you you won't be there, you'll be missed." and move right along. Don't engage with the drama/blackmail refuse to discuss it. Your guestlist is decided and not up for debate. As for the will, well, you won't miss what you never had, it's pie in the sky. If you're going to allow her to use her will as a sword hanging over you for this choice she'll have it hanging over you for every choice you ever make.