to call this neglect...

[snetters]

My 2 year old won't go to sleep.
He's in a toddler bed now as can climb out of his cot.

He's always been a fab sleeper, from being 12wo.

Now he cries and screams and does everything to not sleep

We've sat in his room and lay beside him for the past 7 nights to get him to sleep which has worked lovely but can't go on like that forever.

Tonight have tried the good old supernanny trick to put him back into bed once he climbs out. Spend two hours doing that for dh to intervene and tell me to come out of his room and close the baby gate

As in... leave him to cry and fall asleep on the floor

AIBU to call this neglect?

No that's normal isn't it

We've been sitting with dd1 for 5.5 years, I feel a mere 7 nights is lack of effort on your part

I would try gradual retreat or coming in and out putting washing away so you're constantly confirming that you will always come back.

I couldn’t do it

Well what you've tried hasn't worked so 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn’t and couldn’t do it.
I did exactly what you did with Dc2 p, stayed with him until he fell asleep. It took a max of 15mins.
He was happy, I was happy.
And yes it took much much longer than 7 days for him to go to sleep on his own (but then he was never a good sleeper either!).

You need to do what’s right for you. Clearly the supernanny trick didn’t work. The let him cry is breaking your heart.
Just go back to lying next to his bed and him falling asleep.

I wouldn't call it neglect, no. But it's not something I could do. I had two terrible sleepers, maybe they'd have slept better if I'd left them to scream (and they really did scream, not just cry or moan for a short time like some children do) but I was never comfortable doing it.

I couldn’t do the “crying it out” at bedtime. After two nights we gave up and sat with them till they fell asleep. Reading in the most boring voice you can imagine put them to sleep quite quickly.

Not neglectful but not something I would do. I would continue to sit and soothe for the next Year if it meant my Child dropped off more peacefully than Crying themselves into exhaustion. Sorry OP but you can't put a public thread up then complain about the comments that don't suit you.

Not rtft only the op.... has anything happened recently to make him scared or upset? Seems a big change from him being a great sleeper to suddenly refusing to sleep/crying etc.

Is he scared? Having nightmares? Is he in childcare of any kind? Any chance that something may have happened??

Also yes I think leaving babies and very young children to cry it out is neglectful...I think it’s a form of emotional abuse

Gina ford does something where you sit with them and then leave to go to the toilet, or make a cup of tea and come back and then go do something and come back and it’s a little longer each time. And then at some stage they fall asleep and you tell them in the morning that when you came back they were asleep. I think. I’ve tried this a few times- it’s like a softer sleep training.
I’m 34 weeks and the bigger the bump is getting the bigger a deal I’m becoming- it’s nice to be top dog for once. But does make some things way more difficult

We did the gradual retreat thing but at our own pace. Sometimes moving closer again, then back. Two steps forward kind of thing. Eventually after quite a few weeks we cracked it and DS has been an angel at bedtime ever since.

If you have drawers in the room make sure they are bolted to the wall. Then he is safe in his room.

My little boy was a nightmare sleeper up until 20 months and since then we have it perfect but I'm so scared to do anything to jinx it! Tonight I had to do the super nanny thing to get him to stay in bed and I did hear him crying for maybe a minute but he was dry, full, hydrated and cuddled plenty so I didn't run straight up and he drifted off no problem. (For reference, have never sleep trained)

I did this, 20 years ago, and worried that it was neglectful. It wasn't. it wasn't cruel, either. It kept me sort of sane when I had three babies/toddlers. My DC are absolutely fine, and nobody has been damaged by it. I could always tell if their crying meant they were ill. It's a different kind of cry, and always got an immediate response.

When my DD was younger she used to like me to lay next to her until she dropped off, which wasn’t sustainable. I gradually mo Ed so I was sitting next to the bed then further away. At the same time I introduced some story CDs for her to listen to (so the light didn’t need to be on). Eventually I could get up and go half way through the story without her waking or getting stressed (if she wasn’t quite asleep). There were many times though that the story would send me off to sleep .

It's not neglect - it's kind to give him firm boundaries and let him know that when it's bedtime, he needs to settle down and sleep.

It would be much, much more cruel if you allow this to continue and then in a few weeks' time you leave him to cry because you cannot physically lie with him till he falls asleep as you have a newborn baby. Doing it now will make him temporarily cross with you. Doing it in a few weeks' time will mean that he resents the new baby. And you will have to do it - because as much as you probably hate the idea, the older one has to take a bit of a backseat for a while.

My son slept through 12 - 6am from 6 weeks. When I put him into a bed he started getting up. I think it was just because he could. I know it sounds awful now but I used to hang on to the door handle in the end so he couldn't get out. He fell asleep on the floor. After 2 nights he stayed in bed. He is 35 now so didn't do him any harm.

Our daughter did this for a little while when she was slightly older as she was still in the cot at 2 but we just kept taking her back over and over without talking to her and after a few nights she finally got it.

lol, sometimes it felt like I would have to stand outside her bedroom all night to get her to sleep.

She was also a great sleeper and still is, it was just a phase and it passed reasonably quickly.

We found kiss and return technique worked very well and was advised by a sen specialist when our son went though this faze ( its basically super nannys way , may the rapid return I'm not sure)

1. Same bed time routine / time every night
2. Kiss good night and say back in a mo

3 come back in a minute or so. ( 3 seconds) put back into bed kiss love you eat it's time for sleep After that keep coming back putting back into bed say nothing but pat stroke hair eat quickly and say back in a minute

1. Keep doing it for a little while after they are asleep as apparently comfort is subliminal

Pain in the arse for first two nights but it's the kindest method I feel They are reassured by your constant presence but firm boundaries are maintained. Awesome feeling on day three when they are asleep in 5 mins

I would never leave my small child alone and crying on the floor. Never. Regardless of what a husband says. And regardless of all the Internet nutters on here who think that leaving children to cry is 'called being a parent' it isn't.
Trust your instincts OP. If you don't want to leave him then don't. Stay with him and cuddle him for as long as it takes. They are only little for such a short time. And I don't want my child not to feel totally secure and loved for a moment. That's what I call parenting.

You poor, poor thing.
It's horrible, having a toddler with sleep issues is so awful.
I wish you peaceful nights soon
My first baby (nearly 20 yrs ago) was during peak "Gina Ford" and "controlled crying'.
All advice was to leave him for increasing intervals before going in (silently) to reassure him.
I think I wept as much as he did. It was an absolute nightmare and I wanted to die.We won short-term 'victories' that reverted to poor sleep patterns within weeks.
I gave up on babies 2 and 3 because I couldn't face the trauma. They both slept through far more easily in the long term. The baby and the mum (me) was so much less distressed.
Whatever you decide, good luck. I support you.
I am no expert, but opting out of that kind of sleep training was the best option for all 3 of mine.
Be kind to yourself

We had this - great sleeper and then suddenly wouldn’t stay and it was taking ages to sit with her that we lost our evenings and it was impacting us really negatively. We ended up putting her down to sleep in her pjs on the sofa downstairs with us - she’d fall asleep quickly and then we would move her after a while when she was hard asleep and she’s sleep all night in her bed. It’s not ideal, and it’s not for everyone but it worked for us. This was about a year long phase. She now goes down in her own bed relatively easily. It was a comfort/ closeness thing for her.

Does he still nap in the day? He may need to drop it or have it earlier in the day.

A good trick that worked with mine was to say "I'll be back in a minute" and just make myself busy outside the room so they could hear I was there doing things. They usually fell asleep before I got back to them.

It's easy for parents of good sleepers to say they wouldn't sleep train and it's neglect/abandonment/cruel. You might think differently after a few months.

I did gradual retreat and it is the least stressful way. ITs just time consuming. You need a good book for when you are at the sitting at the top of the stairs stage. It did take 2 weeks (and you have to start again if they go back to not sleeping) but there is less crying involved