to call this neglect...

[snetters]

My 2 year old won't go to sleep.
He's in a toddler bed now as can climb out of his cot.

He's always been a fab sleeper, from being 12wo.

Now he cries and screams and does everything to not sleep

We've sat in his room and lay beside him for the past 7 nights to get him to sleep which has worked lovely but can't go on like that forever.

Tonight have tried the good old supernanny trick to put him back into bed once he climbs out. Spend two hours doing that for dh to intervene and tell me to come out of his room and close the baby gate

As in... leave him to cry and fall asleep on the floor

AIBU to call this neglect?

We did this. It only took 2 nights of crying by the gate and then sleeping there (us lifting him into bed). The 3rd night and subsequent nights he knew he wasn't getting attention he just didn't bother.

I assume you are already doing a wind down before bed ef. Bath, quiet time, story now sleep.

It really tugs your heartstrings but forge on through the pain barrier. Hope yours settles quickly.

I wouldn't say neglect, abandonment maybe. Locking your child in a room and disappearing until they give up and are so exhausted from screaming they fall asleep, doesn't sit well with me. A lot of heartless parents on here tonight.

I hope you get some sleep soon glasshalf

I agree Mary, when I came back to him he was so bedside himself that it made me cry.
He's not bad or unruly which is why this is so out of the blue for him and I'm riddled with guilt for even leaving him to cry it out.

It works for some - but not for me.

It isn't neglect but I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. You've said yourself that he is going through a phase, so is it that much of a problem to lie with him while he falls asleep if that's what he needs at the moment?
My 21 month old is usually a good sleeper these days but we have odd weeks where he wants extra comfort. Sometimes he sleeps in our bed. Sooner or later he is back to sleeping through in his own bed, no tears no stress all round.

Have you got a bed rail on his bed? My DS went in to a single bed after his cot and I put a rail on it after the first night. He never got out the bed after that, I think it felt more secure for him. Your DS will also be feeling anxious about the new baby even if it doesn't seem like it to you, it'll be there mulling around his little head and probably contributing to his behaviour. Perseverance is key imo, you need to decide what to do when he keeps getting out of bed and stick to it. If no improvement after 3 or 4 nights then I'd try a different approach.

@snetters Christ you might be pregnant but cut with the spikiness, it's not neglect!

Don't ask if you don't want opinions and I can't see any twaty comments except for yours!

I'm sure OP will attack me with the I'm pregnant card now

Drogosnext maybe my choice of words was wrong. I agree, more like abandonment

@Drogosnextwife oh do bugger off being melodramatic. I'm sure the other parents that used the same method as me which was the ignore the whinging method knows the difference between a 'give me attention now' cry and a 'I'm really fucking distressed' cry.

It's not neglect. I did the supernanny thing - repeatedly putting DS2 back in bed when he climbed out. I didn't leave him to fall asleep on the floor. Mainly because knowing my luck he would have woken up if I tried to move him. It took four nights of being consistent for him to start to settle quickly without needing to be repeatedly put back to bed.

Drogo dramatic much?!!

If there’s nothing physically wrong, and it’s time to sleep, it is not abandonment to make it clear to them they need to sleep. What happens when there are other children to be disturbed by constant up and down/screams for attention? Not on.

It’s the hormones talking. Definitely not neglect. Don’t do it if you don’t want to but it’s definitely not as bad as it seems at that moment.

I wouldn't do it. I did gradual retreat with my son, he was 13 months old though but worked brilliantly. I'd try that or continue with rapid return.

If he’s always been brilliant at bedtime, it’s likely that something is really worrying/upsetting/unsettling him and this is his way of trying to communicate this to you,

If he’s been a fantastic sleeper for 2 years then you lying with him while he needs you won’t change that, he’ll go back to being a brilliant sleeper. I would lie with him, give him the reassurance he’s asking for and teach him that bedtime is still a relaxing stressfree place. When he seems reassured, he’ll go back to going to sleep without you. When you think he’s ready, you can start popping out the room, gradually increasing the time you are out for.

Try explaining to him that he has to go to sleep and what you expect of him. He’s two. Hell understand more than you think.

It might not help but worth a go. Either way you need to put in firm boundaries now or he’ll run you ragged for years. It’s doing him no favours if you don’t teach him that bedtime has rules and that you both are the boss. He’ll benefit from good sleep so persevere and don’t let this become his new sleep habit.

Lots of children become clingy and anxious when you’re pregnant with your second. This really is the time to be offering lots of extra comfort. He’s feeling worried about being replaced by the new baby and trying to work out where he fits in the family when he is no longer the baby. If he was previously a good sleeper then he should go back to sleeping well soon. You’ve had lots of harsh responses.

If it's only just started maybe he isn't feeling well or is anxious about the arrival of the new baby.
I wouldn't leave him, but perhaps see if he would let me sit by the door (with a book!) so he can fall asleep seeing you but you are not right next to him.

Nope not dramatic just a better word to describe what a child feels when they are left alone to scream.

@Queenofthestress, your choice your kids, I wouldn't because I think it's heartless and selfish of parents to leave a child to scream. Some children do become extremely distressed through sleep training, doesn't put parents off "powering through".
P.S my comment wasn't directed at you personally, not sure why you felt it was.

Check nothing medically wrong. This is a battle of wills, give him no attention, just put him back to bed. Children who are crying all night are not happy so don't let it be a habit. It's not harsh, sometimes they just don't know what they need and you have to enforce boundaries. Star chart may help. Talk to him away from bed time.

ugh i would never do this! i think its cruel tbh.

Also a child lying in bed whinging a little bit (not screaming or crying) is a bit different from a child falling asleep from exhaustion at a baby gate on the floor.... No?

Not neglectful just cruel

It's called parenting.

You've tried the Supernanny method, it didn't work, so try something else. Perhaps gradual retreat might work better for you. Don't leave your DC by themselves to scream though- it's not exactly neglect, but it's not very kind either. He's probably feeling a bit confused and insecure with the approaching arrival of his new sibling.

Rapid return takes longer than 2 hours. You need to speak to your DH and decide if you are doing it or not. It's exhausting and can take a few nights, but the worst thing you can do is start and then change it halfway through - that just teaches confusion imo,

You need to do what works for you
This is not neglect, but if it doesn't work for you - then come up with something that does.
Your son will not be doing this when he is 18! Try to remember that.

If a family bed works best for your family - then do that. If controlled crying works - do that. Whatever works.

Your son will be unsettled as changes are happening and he doesn't understand and can't express himself yet. But for you to cope you need to get enough sleep. So try to build in naps (for you) into your day. Let DH take more responsibility. Whatever you can do to just survive.