Am I BU or my DH? Really need objective opinions!

[Thisoneisnottaken]

DH and I met at university and were both in equally good professional jobs until I had my DD. At this point, we both felt uncomfortable leaving her with a nanny/nursery and we're lucky enough to be able to live on a single income, so I (happily) became a SAHM. She is now six and we also now have a DD2 who is 1. I have been a full time parent for the past 6 years and DH has worked hard in a stressful job that provides very well for our family. I have felt over the last couple of years that I'd really like to return to work but with DD2 arriving I decided to wait.

My husband is now changing jobs and will get a couple of months off as gardening leave. I have suggested that I could do short term project work during this time (if I can find any at short notice and after a 6 year career break!) whilst he cares for the kids and he has replied 'no, get a nanny'. I am almost sure he has said this thinking I won't actually get a nanny and so he's off the hook.

I have decided that I will indeed get a nanny and return to work (and can't wait to call his bluff on that). However, regardless of what happens, I'm incensed by his unwillingness to support me in taking a step back into work without having to leave the kids with someone new/sorting out a nanny. Also feel like he doesn't care for what would make me happy or my wish to have a family and career just like he does. AIBU?

He’s getting two months of paid leave, that’s a pretty good break already!

Not when you've got kids to look after!!!

When is the OP going to have her nice two months to do whatever SHE wants?

She can do it whenever she wants to. She doesn't have to martyr herself to the cause of SAHParenting. They can afford a nanny, so should get a nanny - so her husband can take some much needed down time AND spend time with the children instead of being run ragged with kids at home, and OP can do a course that will enable her to return to a full time position when the youngest starts school.

Why is this even an issue??? He doesn't want to be a SAHP, you did, but he doesn't, and you can afford childcare that mean you all get what you want.

And there's nothing wrong with him not wanting to be. Doesn't mean he doesn't want to parent his children for fucks sake....

Ok, apologies I didn't realise it was an old thread.

But thanks for updating OP, glad you sorted it out in the end!!

Well done on getting yourself a project...I remember this thread from earlier so glad for your update and that his gardening leave went to everyone's satisfaction!

I just don't see why he wouldn't take on that role even for a few weeks when he wanted me to do it full time

Because HE doesn't want to

YOU did want to

Now you want change

And he's given you a way to create that change for yourself ( a nanny)

But you want to force him to do something he doesn't want to do

YABVU

Thank you ID81241. It is quite nerve wracking ATM going in every morning after such a long career break...I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that it will all go ok!