To wish SIL would butt out and accept I am happy on my own.

[bluekitten7]

NC for this as I don't want it linked to my other posts...

For the first time in my adult life, this Christmas, I will have nothing to do and no-one to cook for. Both (adult) daughters who have left home and live with their boyfriends are going away from 20th Dec to 28thth Dec on holiday, all together, and DH is working 23rd to 26th… 9am to 5pm each day. It’s his turn to do Christmas (emergency services.)

So I am, for the first time in my adult life, on my own for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day, (til about half five anyway.) Then DH is off til the 3rd of Jan … We are off out to a party with our daughters and their B/Fs on NY Eve, which I am looking forward to! Both sets of our parents have passed, and I have a brother who lives in Oz who I only see every 2 or 3 years (and not this year.) DH’s Brother however, lives 30 miles away, with his wife – 1 adult son (23 still lives at home with them.)

I am really looking forward to not having to get out of bed til 10 or 11am if I don’t want to, (On Crimbo morn!) snacking on mince pies, nuts and crackers, and not having to make dinner for a bunch of people, and just chilling and relaxing and watching cheesy TV, and doing what I WANT.. I haven’t minded ‘doing Christmas’ over the years, but the past 3-4 years it’s got me down a bit, as I seemed to spend half of Christmas day in the kitchen!

I am also looking forward to being able to go to midnight mass at my Church (on Christmas eve,) and stay out til 1am, coz I don’t have to be up at 8am to prepare for Christmas day and all the food prep and visitors! Also looking forward to a peaceful and carefree Boxing day, all by myself, til DH comes home at 5.15pm ish, and we have a small Christmas dinner and a bottle of wine each, and he can have some drinks too as he won’t be in work til the 3rd of Jan. And I am looking forward to Christmas Eve alone all day (til DH comes home at half five-ish,) and plan on going for a nice long walk, a tootle around the Christmas Eve market in our market town, and watching a few Christmas films.

Here’s the problem. My well-meaning but very annoying and pushy sister-in-law, (DH’s brother’s wife!) who has got wind of me being on my own, on the 24th, 25th, and 26th, assumes I will be terribly lonely and sad. (I WON’T! I can’t WAIT!) So she is insisting I go to theirs to spend Christmas day, and they will come to ours on Boxing day! :( I said I will be fine, and I ‘have plans.’

‘What plans?’ she asked. I went blank. ‘SEEEEE…’ she said to DH’s brother. ‘She IS alone, that’s not right. You HAVE to come to ours...’ ‘But I don’t mind being on my own’ I said. She insisted no-one should be alone, on Christmas day OR Boxing day, and I must go to theirs Christmas day, and they will come to ours Boxing day.

HELP!!! Help me think of an excuse or a reason to not go! (And for them to not come to ours!) It’s really pissing me off, because I am sooooooo looking forward to it. And I DON’T want to spend both days with BIL and SIL! In fact I don’t want to spend ANY of the days with them, or even SEE them! BIL said ‘there is no point in arguing with her! Just go with it! LOL!’ I NEED this time alone, Why won’t she take no for a pissing answer?

Help!

I think you already know what you have to do deep down, don’t you?

You have to kill her.

Get your DH to ring his brother and tell them both to cock off. He can reassure them that you’re not being brave and are happy alone.

Give them repeated warnings you’re not coming to Christmas Day and won’t answer the door on Boxing Day.

Your break sounds lovely!

Just thank her for being kind but tell her what you've told us. That you are actually looking forward to the alone time and a lie in and not having to do anything and DH will be home 5.15 anyway so you'll have the whole evening with him.

Just tell her what you've said here. That you're actually really looking forward to the time alone. You thank them for thinking of you, but you won't be coming to theirs and they won't be coming to you because you WANT to have a stress free relaxing time on your own.

If she argues with that I'd be more blunt and say something along the lines of 'Look SIL, just because you wouldn't want to be on your own doesn't mean that's the case for everyone. Please listen to me and respect the fact that I want to be on my own. I don't want to discuss this again.'

LOL at the first 2 responses COCK OFF!

And you have to kill her!

She is really stubborn though and bossy and won't listen grrrr!

I am quiet and placid (Curse my passiveness!)

Tell them that you've found out another of your friends is going to be alone on Christmas Day so you've decided to spend the day together.

Tell her that your volunteering at a Church serving Christmas Dinner. Or similar.

Tell her that you won't be able to answer your phone because it needs locking away in the Vicker's private room.

I'd tell her straight, but I don't mind upsetting people.

Tell her it’s always been your plan to do this and to stop spoiling your fun

Put your big girl pants on and tell her you’ll put her head down the toilet and flush it on Boxing Day if she ruins your plan

If she is stubborn, bossy and won't listen you will just have to be very direct. Unleash your inner Greta Garbo on her at full force.

Your Christmas sounds like bliss!

I would just be really honest and blunt.

‘Listen, SIL, thanks for the invite but after spending X number of years entertaining DC and cooking up a fucking storm in the kitchen this year is all about me. And whilst your intentions are kind, I really do want to be alone during the days. now fuck off or I will be taking Mumsnet tips of killing you merry Christmas’

And then ignore. Don’t get into anymore conversations about it.

She probably isn't looking forward to her and her H being on their own over Christmas, and looks on it as a blessing in disguise that you're on your own and available...

You need to stop saying "I don't mind being on my own" to at least "I am looking forward to being on my own". And maybe add in "SCREW YOU LADY"

Oooooh, I like the idea of saying I am volunteering somewhere, or spending with another person who is on their own. I just need to get DH to tell the lie with me too!

And PRAY they don't turn up! They do live 45 to 50 mins drive away - so it would be a long way to come to get no answer!

Your Christmas sounds heavenly. You might just have to tell your SIL the truth. You want to be on your own. If she starts, say "can I stop you there", and just walk away.

I wouldn't lie - too much potential in getting caught out. She'll either want to turn up wherever you're volunteering or invite you and your lonesome friend to theirs. And it will take the shine off your planned day worrying if you're going to get tumbled either at the time, or some time in the future. There is nothing wrong with turning them down.

I agree with a pp who said to tell them no Christmas day and not answering the door boxing day. People like her need to be told!

Blimey, on your own at Christmas, sounds blissful!!

Church is a good alibi, or make up a friend who's just been left in the lurch so you're going to spend Christmas day and Boxing day together. Sounds like you have to have plans to be doing something with someone or she'll project her own feelings about how she'd feel being alone at Christmas onto you and just turn up and bang on your door till you let her in!

Good luck and hope you enjoy your quiet Christmas!

You need to be clear "I want to be on my own", rather than "I don't mind being on my own".

"Hi SIL, I am not free on Christmas day or boxing day as I want to relax on my own. No I want to be at home on my own. No thank you, I don't want to come round, I am looking forward to being alone."

She won't believe you, so you need to be very blunt.

Oh bliss! I'd love your Christmas. Just once. But no-one would ever understand. You must STAY STRONG.

That sounds like the best Christmas ever for 90% of the people on here - incl me.

If she won't listen, I would go with saying you are spending it with a lonely neighbour or mate.

Just saying 'no I want to be alone thanks!' may still result in her turning up Christmas morning. shudder

I actually wouldn’t forgive them if they turned up uninvited.

You shouldn’t try to make excuses. Just say, I am looking forward to the time on my own. I don’t want to leave the house, and I don’t want visitors. And keep repeating that.

You have got plans - those boxsets aren't going to watch themselves.