To wish SIL would butt out and accept I am happy on my own.

[bluekitten7]

NC for this as I don't want it linked to my other posts...

For the first time in my adult life, this Christmas, I will have nothing to do and no-one to cook for. Both (adult) daughters who have left home and live with their boyfriends are going away from 20th Dec to 28thth Dec on holiday, all together, and DH is working 23rd to 26th… 9am to 5pm each day. It’s his turn to do Christmas (emergency services.)

So I am, for the first time in my adult life, on my own for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day, (til about half five anyway.) Then DH is off til the 3rd of Jan … We are off out to a party with our daughters and their B/Fs on NY Eve, which I am looking forward to! Both sets of our parents have passed, and I have a brother who lives in Oz who I only see every 2 or 3 years (and not this year.) DH’s Brother however, lives 30 miles away, with his wife – 1 adult son (23 still lives at home with them.)

I am really looking forward to not having to get out of bed til 10 or 11am if I don’t want to, (On Crimbo morn!) snacking on mince pies, nuts and crackers, and not having to make dinner for a bunch of people, and just chilling and relaxing and watching cheesy TV, and doing what I WANT.. I haven’t minded ‘doing Christmas’ over the years, but the past 3-4 years it’s got me down a bit, as I seemed to spend half of Christmas day in the kitchen!

I am also looking forward to being able to go to midnight mass at my Church (on Christmas eve,) and stay out til 1am, coz I don’t have to be up at 8am to prepare for Christmas day and all the food prep and visitors! Also looking forward to a peaceful and carefree Boxing day, all by myself, til DH comes home at 5.15pm ish, and we have a small Christmas dinner and a bottle of wine each, and he can have some drinks too as he won’t be in work til the 3rd of Jan. And I am looking forward to Christmas Eve alone all day (til DH comes home at half five-ish,) and plan on going for a nice long walk, a tootle around the Christmas Eve market in our market town, and watching a few Christmas films.

Here’s the problem. My well-meaning but very annoying and pushy sister-in-law, (DH’s brother’s wife!) who has got wind of me being on my own, on the 24th, 25th, and 26th, assumes I will be terribly lonely and sad. (I WON’T! I can’t WAIT!) So she is insisting I go to theirs to spend Christmas day, and they will come to ours on Boxing day! :( I said I will be fine, and I ‘have plans.’

‘What plans?’ she asked. I went blank. ‘SEEEEE…’ she said to DH’s brother. ‘She IS alone, that’s not right. You HAVE to come to ours...’ ‘But I don’t mind being on my own’ I said. She insisted no-one should be alone, on Christmas day OR Boxing day, and I must go to theirs Christmas day, and they will come to ours Boxing day.

HELP!!! Help me think of an excuse or a reason to not go! (And for them to not come to ours!) It’s really pissing me off, because I am sooooooo looking forward to it. And I DON’T want to spend both days with BIL and SIL! In fact I don’t want to spend ANY of the days with them, or even SEE them! BIL said ‘there is no point in arguing with her! Just go with it! LOL!’ I NEED this time alone, Why won’t she take no for a pissing answer?

Help!

I have to agree that my Christmas DOES sound blissful, and it will be (hopefully) if SIL will buggar off It's gonna have to be a blunt 'NO I want to be alone!' Or a lie, and say I am spending it with a friend who is also on their own.

I have loved the Christmasses with my girls growing up, and loved it when they were kids, loved their faces when they saw their presents and toys etc, and loved going to my folks and DH's folks. (Before they died a few years ago...) And seeing my brother and his family before they moved to Oz. I haven't had 25 years of stressful Christmasses. (Although some have been a bit hectic, I have enjoyed them.)

However, this past 3 to 4 years, I have felt like I would just LOVE to have a Christmas where I do not have to do anything. The past 3 or 4 years, I have still hosted DDs and their B/Fs, and also BIL and SIL. So this Christmas where I will have to do nothing virtually is like Heaven on earth.

My daughters were moderately concerned (about me spending the 3 Christmas period days on my own,) when they realised their dad was working over Christmas. But I said 'it's cool, I am happy to have to do naff-all....' with a big and they knew I was being honest, and booked their holiday with their 2 boyfriends... Yet SIL is refusing to believe I am OK alone for the 3 days!

As has been said, Dh will be home by 5 to half 5-ish anyway, and i have my cats! 🐈🐈

That is my ideal Christmas. I'm green with envy. For us on this thread who have no hope of a Christmas like that for at least the next decade YOU HAVE TO FIGHT HER. To the death if necessary. If you let this go ahead you will never forgive her or yourself for not standing up to her.

No, I told you I have plans. Thank you for thinking of me, so sweet and Christmas spirity! But no need! I am completely sorted. Can't change plans now.

Swiftly change subject when she tries to delve. You never have acknowledged that you don't have plans. Keep on with that.

@CoughLaughFart
"You have to kill her"
This response made me laugh so much lol!
I second others saying, text SIL that you're spending those days volunteering at the local church/salvation armys soup kitchen or that youre now spending it with x because she's on her own too! But don't answer the door if it rings!!

Say no clearly then leave her to think / plan what she wants; just don't go and don't answer the door. Enjoy your Xmas off

Thanks so much for all the lovely responses! So glad to have support. I did expect a few 'don't be selfish and entitled and ungrateful OP!'

(May still get them yet!)

As someone who loves big family christmases and cooking the dinner and now lookong foward to my 7mo DDs first christmas, i must say your christmas actually sounds like bliss!
I think its lovely to have a few days to yourself to chill in some cosy clothes with some wine and xmas snacks and watching xmas tv without having to check on food or worry about anything.
As long as you're happy, itll be a nice break.

Tell SIL you will see her after boxing day. Please please please dont let her ruin your plans!
Just say if by boxing day youve had enough of being on your own, you will let her know and will pop by theirs instead. That way hopefully she will assume if anything you'll go to hers if needed.

Maybe next year ill ship off DD and DH somewhere and do a solo xmas day too!

Your SIL will realise you're serious about staying home when you don't show up at her house. Stop worrying about what she thinks, and bollocks to her being "bossy." Tell her no and this discussion is over. End of.

I'm very passive and find it easier to express myself in writing. Send her a letter or email spelling it all out.

‘Listen, SIL, thanks for the invite but after spending X number of years entertaining DC and cooking up a fucking storm in the kitchen this year is all about me. And whilst your intentions are kind, I really do want to be alone during the days. now fuck off or I will be taking Mumsnet tips of killing you merry Christmas’

I'd go with that. If she still doesn't listen, I'd be evil and start digging around in her head, like people who've done therapy courses and think they're Freud, with added mind-reading gifts. "do you not want to be alone with your family, is that why you want me along too? Can you not stand the thought of being alone? Do you not realise that some people like their own company or do you hate yourself so much you cannot stand to be alone for a minute?"

After that she probably won't want to see you at all, ever, let alone at Christmas.

If they keep insisting then reluctantly agree but then phone them Christmas morning to say you have V&D so can’t possibly come to them and they better stay away Boxing Day too as you wouldn’t want to pass on the germs and that way you can happily stay in your pj’s eating quality street
Your Christmas sounds wonderful. I hope you get to spend it how you have planned.

Urgh I can’t stand people who can’t fathom that someone else might have a different idea about what is enjoyable.
I’d make sure you’re being totally clear, if it were me I’d probably have ended up saying things like “oh no, don’t feel like you have to do that” and “I really don’t mind” which could come across as you not wanting to be a bother rather than you actively wanting to spend Christmas relaxing alone (particularly when talking to someone who clearly doesn’t think a Christmas alone could ever be enjoyable). If you’ve been saying those sorts of things, time to adjust and say bluntly “thank you for the invite, but I am looking forward to the Christmas I have planned, and I will not be coming. And I will not be hosting on Boxing Day” and then if she brings it up again just say “I don’t know why you’re asking me about this, as I’ve said I’m not coming” and repeat. It sounds rude but imo she is being really rude and pushy and is putting you in a position when you have to be a bit harsher with her.

I'd trade my two beloved children and my left tit for your Christmas, why can't your pesky SIL see how fantastic it will be??
I'm with the first posters, tell her to cock off and when that fails kill her dead.

@bringbackthestripes

If they keep insisting then reluctantly agree but then phone them Christmas morning to say you have V&D so can’t possibly come to them and they better stay away Boxing Day too as you wouldn’t want to pass on the germs and that way you can happily stay in your pj’s eating quality street.

Your Christmas sounds wonderful. I hope you get to spend it how you have planned.

This sounds like a good idea too. Say I will be there Christmas day but then suddenly develop a tummy bug, and text them saying I have the trots and am being sick....I 'don't come tomorrow either as I am very ill.'

You need to sort this out or you will have her face pressed up against your sitting room window on boxing day expecting to be let in and entertained. As far as I can see you can (a) say "LOOK , I have tried being nice because I know you mean well but I will be seeing none of you over the three days and you are not to call, it might not be for you but I am really looking forward to this and frankly you are starting to annoy me"
(b) Oh thanks for the offer but Joan and Barry from church have insisted on having me round for Christmas lunch and on Boxing day we are all going for a walk and pub lunch, there is a big group of us, I'm looking forward to it

B sounds easier in fairness. Your Christmas sounds like bliss!

Just say "no, thank you" and repeat. Do not justify or try to defend

It always surprises me that so many people do not understand how really good it can be to be on your own.

Your Christmas sounds wonderful! You can please yourself.

Your sister in law is being kind but please do tell her that you actually relish the idea of being alone for a lot of Christmas period. Far better to be truthful.

^ what HolgerLowCarbingLoser said. Play the worn record trick. I spent last Christmas on my own and it was WONDERFUL

Is there a chance you could arrange to 'camp' upstairs on Boxing Day with whatever you need around you, then when they try to knock the door down you are far enough away to just feel smug and ignore?

Until DH comes home of course, when you will both have some well deserved time together - and a tale or two to tell, perhaps?

Don’t lie about having a bug , just tell them the truth a few million times

You want to be alone , you have plans , you’re looking forward to bit of a rest , DH will be back in the early evening .. and repeat again and again until she gets the message , and get DH to tell them the same too

OP, I'm so jealous of your Christmas! Beam and tell her you're all sorted if/when SIL starts pushing again.

Don't lie about volunteering or make up stories. You are fine on your own, you want to get some things done (just don't tell her that's sleeping) and you won't be coming but thanks for thinking of you. End of.

Tell her that while family Christmas is fun and all you have dreamed of this day for years. You have fantasised about how you will wake up alone, put your dressing gown on, and spend half an hour staring out the window enjoying an Irish coffee, with a Christmassy throw. How at some point in the day you will play song x at full volume, this moment will just strike you at a random minute. How lunch will be solo cocktails. Tell her you have splashed out on cashmere loungewear to wear on your perfect solo Christmas at home. Warn her the only fly in the perfect ointment is dh comes home barely after 5, and you will probably have to do it again in a few years with getting rid of dh properly.

Sounds lovely, don't let her ruin your day

I know how you feel , some people won't take no for an answer and just don't get it that Christmas can be good alone through choice . Stick to your guns and get your DH to have a word if need be

Send a text. "Hi SIL. Thanks for your offer but I won't be coming to you on Christmas Day. I haven't invited anyone to mine on Boxing Day so won't be answering the door. No further discussion to be had on this matter."

Tell her what you have said here...

Then on Christmas day don't go to her house, and in boxing day don't answer your door to them😂