For being furious with DH because DD hurt herself whilst he was on his bloody blackberry

[Yabbadabbadooo]

Today DH and I were out at a school event. Whilst we were there DD1 needed the loo and so I took her leaving DH with DD2. Whilst DD1 was being a typical toddler and mucking around in the loos I caught sight of him on the other side of the playground totally engrossed with this blackberry, despite the fact he'd taken the morning off work. DD2 was in the pram, straps not on and she was standing up in it. I couldn't yell to DH to get her to sit down because a) I was inside and b) there were 50 small children country dancing in the playground between us and he wouldn't have heard me unless I shrieked.

Anyway, DD1 finally finishes farting around in the loo and I come out of the block I"m in to see him cradling a clearly very distraught DD2. Parents around him are giving him wet towels and he's tending to her head. So, it's clear to me that she's fallen headlong out of the pushchair, onto concrete.

I told him at the time I was angry but as I had hear to deal with I focused on her more than him and he played the incident down somewhat. He then went back to work and I spent the afternoon with a very grumpy baby. When he came back he was very concerned about her and told me that the fall was actually so bad that he heard her head hit the concrete. So, after playing it down it seems it was more of a heavy fall than he'd originally said.

So, I'm totally effing furious with him for this. This is the third time she's hurt herself on his watch (similar no. of injuries on my watch but I'ma SAHM so I'm there more often IYKWIM). She's a rough and tumble little kid and needs watching like a hawk and after a previous incident we had words about how he needs to be more vigilant. Now, I know accidents happen and blame is not appropriate but I can't help but be so frigging furious that he allowed her to hurt herself in that way when she was literally right next to him, just becuse he's so addicted to that sodding blackberry.

Also it turned out he didn't even know what were the signs of concussion - he kept telling me to let her sleep.

I am so fed up with him tonight that I said I thought he was negligent and that unless he was more vigilant of the kids then I couldn't feel happy with him looking after them on his own. I suspect that was below the belt. Was it? Did he deserve a lecture?

I don't think yabu
How is dd2 - did she wake up or is she still sleepy? Hope she's OK

Probably YANBU.I would be a bit unhappy about the minimising of the incident too,.

She fell asleep immediately on the way home which I couldn't do anything about and when I got back I managed to rouse her. It took some doing and she was very unahppy about it. The thing is she was totally knackered anyway so she needed a nap. SO I let her sleep for a few mins in my arms and then woke her up. She was fine and ate a good lunch. I put her down for a proper nap later but she never settled very well and in the afternoon she had the mother of all tantrums. She cheered up a bit later and was lovely and very happy when she went to bed.

DH spoke to his dad (a GP) about it this PM (omitting to say it was on his watch that it happened so my ILs are just going to assume I was in charge which has also p'd me off no end) and he seemed to think she'd be OK.

i think you should confiscate his blackberry!

men should know their limits,ie they can only do one thing at a time.

is your dd ok now?

x posts.glad your dd is alright.

Glad she's OK
at your DH for letting them think it was when you were in charge
I have to say, this sounds like something my DH would do (although DS currently too little for it to be an issue) as he gets totally focussed on what he's doing (usually technology related) and obsesses to the point of blanking out everything else. I think he'd only do it once though and then feel terrible and learn his lesson. Do you think this is likely in your DH's case?

If I could I'd put it in the oven and turn up the heat. I hate the thing. He can't walk by it without being seduced by the little red blink the the you-have-a-message LED. He says it makes his work easier but it means he's never off duty, and neither am I if he's going to disregard the kids once he's on it. He's even admitted that most of the emails he sends on it are "I'll get back to you" type responses.

Tell him to set up an "I'll get back to you" auto reply
Then turn the %%%% thing off
I agree, this kind of thing is extremely frustrating

ooh good idea
Make sure you're playing with your DD at the time and let it slip out of your pocket cos you weren't paying attention to it

I hope so. He's in a major sulk - told me to F off which he never ever says.

If he would just hold his hands up and say "Yes, I totally ballsed that up, I feel really shit about it and I've really learnt a lesson" then I'd be happy. But no. He's on the defensive and giving me every single example of whenever either of the DDs have hurt themselves.

So cross because I cocked up last week with DD1 (I didn't realise she needed antibiotics - I was too blase about her injury) and I held my hands up for that and gladly ate my humble pie.

Well I am obviously more volatile than you are, tbh. I would have got really very cross indeed.

Well I wish I was more volatile really. The thing is shouting doesn't work with him. Smashing the thing up wouldn't work - he'd have new one in 24 hours.

Katy- glad I'm not the only one who things his ommission to his parents was glaring.

sounds like he DOES feel guilty and the defensiveness is part of that
I know that's probably not helping now!

YANBU, but maybe he is trying to convince himself it was an accident that couldn't be avoided as he feels guilty. Hopefully it will have made him learn his lesson. Glad your dd is now ok.

No unreasonable at all Yabba imo. Hope your dd is OK. My dh drives me mad when he's supposed to be looking after dd and yet he's somehow 'disengaged'. Get so stressed I might as well do it myself.

Sodding blackberries. Have threatened to flush his down the loo on more than one occasion. Hate it even when he's not supposed to be looking after dd and he's supposed to be spending the evening with me!! Sorry if this sounds a bit crude but it's almost like someone is sitting on the sofa beside you having a w. They are in your presence but totally focused on something else !! Bloody rude I say. ... Posting in total solidarity. Thus ends rant from BOOHBB'S (burn our other-halves b*ing blackberries). Um, you may have gathered by now that your op has touched a bit of a raw nerve ....

Um, asterisk errors

that should read 3 asterisks after w

and 4 asterisks between b and ing !!!

Give the blackberry to your dd to play with. if she's anything like my ds, she'll find it very interesting to drop it into a glass of juice, or the toilet, or the bath....

The defensiveness, IMO is a very Mars/Venus thing.

whats a blackberry?

um. I totally agree with everything you have said.

But it does sound like the household is run a bit like a court of law atm?

I think the fact that your dd got hurt because your dh wasn't concentrating should be separate from the fact that he was working while he'd agreed to take time off.

Both things need discussing and I'd agree both are infuriating but I would really try to separate them - you seem extra furious that it was because of work - it could have been because he was reading a good book (that's when I get distracted) or watching the Olympics 200m final (that was when ds fell off the bed and had to go to hospital ).

Do you see what I mean? bit confused i know.

Hope your dd continues to seem fine.

Can I also join BOHBB's please? (Altho', still trying to work out what B then 4 then -ing actually means )

My hubby has one and it now means he NEVER takes any time off work and is perpetually checking his work emails.

Sadly, it 'broke' last week (I didn't have anything to do with it ) and he was without it for 48 hours. So he gets his laptop out and plays about on that instead