For being furious with DH because DD hurt herself whilst he was on his bloody blackberry

[Yabbadabbadooo]

Today DH and I were out at a school event. Whilst we were there DD1 needed the loo and so I took her leaving DH with DD2. Whilst DD1 was being a typical toddler and mucking around in the loos I caught sight of him on the other side of the playground totally engrossed with this blackberry, despite the fact he'd taken the morning off work. DD2 was in the pram, straps not on and she was standing up in it. I couldn't yell to DH to get her to sit down because a) I was inside and b) there were 50 small children country dancing in the playground between us and he wouldn't have heard me unless I shrieked.

Anyway, DD1 finally finishes farting around in the loo and I come out of the block I"m in to see him cradling a clearly very distraught DD2. Parents around him are giving him wet towels and he's tending to her head. So, it's clear to me that she's fallen headlong out of the pushchair, onto concrete.

I told him at the time I was angry but as I had hear to deal with I focused on her more than him and he played the incident down somewhat. He then went back to work and I spent the afternoon with a very grumpy baby. When he came back he was very concerned about her and told me that the fall was actually so bad that he heard her head hit the concrete. So, after playing it down it seems it was more of a heavy fall than he'd originally said.

So, I'm totally effing furious with him for this. This is the third time she's hurt herself on his watch (similar no. of injuries on my watch but I'ma SAHM so I'm there more often IYKWIM). She's a rough and tumble little kid and needs watching like a hawk and after a previous incident we had words about how he needs to be more vigilant. Now, I know accidents happen and blame is not appropriate but I can't help but be so frigging furious that he allowed her to hurt herself in that way when she was literally right next to him, just becuse he's so addicted to that sodding blackberry.

Also it turned out he didn't even know what were the signs of concussion - he kept telling me to let her sleep.

I am so fed up with him tonight that I said I thought he was negligent and that unless he was more vigilant of the kids then I couldn't feel happy with him looking after them on his own. I suspect that was below the belt. Was it? Did he deserve a lecture?

I don't want you to think I'm getting at you, because I'm not and I do sympathise but I can see things from his perspective.

Tbh, what it sounds like to me is that he has got totally used to you doing everything and you keeping an eye on them. You've clocked that he's not good at perceiving the dangers, therefore you've stepped in, he's realised you are going to step in and he's, therefore, taken his eye off the ball even more. Do you see what I mean?

Maybe, but I'm not sure how he thinks I can step in if I"m not physically there, so he has to learn to step up to the mark and make their safety paramount doesn't he. Now, despite being told repeatedly this is the case then why hasn't he?

It may be that this may have finally taught him that lesson but I'm very sad and angry that little dd had to be the one to get hurt in the process (again)

Got to go and do something useful around the house.

I don't think you're getting at me. 'Tis the stuff of healthy debate and helps me see his posible viewpoint. I'm made of sterner stuff!

yes, I'd be sad about dd too. Sounds like it was very nasty and always worse when you know it could have been prevented.

I'm just trying to think how you both can move on from here so that you feel he can take charge of the children.

Do you think he doesn't realise what a live wire dd2 can be?

leaving the stair gate open might not be the crime of the century but it did see DD and me spending a night on the children's ward. But it was 4yo DS that left it open so we were more forgiving.

Yabba - can I join your band of crackberry hating mothers? ALL THE TIME, and if its not the crackberry its the blardy imacbook thing.

Grr. Glad your dd is better tho'

My Dh crosses his fingers and mutters countercurses when he is forced to approach anything electronic. Perhaps I'm lucky then.....

Does he take his blackberry on holiday. Is the man married to his job more than to his family ?
Aren't these the real issues here ?

we did without stairgates in the end. Both of us would forget to close them, we'd all end up tripping over them so we got rid of them and had to teach the children to be careful of steep stairs. One of mine was a great climber and used to scale up them and over anyway!

I do completely sympathise with yabba but tbh, both dh and I are very head in the clouds type parents but it doesn't mean we are lesser parents.

I would hope that as he calms down, he will come to the realisation that he should have been keeping a better eye on her and perhaps this will be the fright that jolts him.

Is he a bit of a workaholic?

Blackberries are spawn of the devil and should not be given to anyone who thinks they are important enough to need one.

What did all these offices do before blackberries and mobile phones during sports days? Did the whole of british industry come to a halt?

x-posted with you there oblomov but that's what I was wondering

blackberries are a PITA for those who find it hard to switch off from work. For others, they are quite a useful tool!

Luckily, dh has refused one from the office because he knows the temptation to check his email all the time would just be too much for him!

I heard on the radio the other day that there is actually therapy now (honestly!) for people who feel they have the need to be constantly connected to work. People who cannot turn their blackberries off, at night, on the weekend etc.. It's now a recognised addiction!