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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just ‘taken a day’ today?

302 replies

BasinHaircut · 13/11/2018 16:35

I called in sick today. Not because I actually feel ill, but for reasons I can’t explain just felt like I needed a day off from life.

I have done some work so as not to have to play catch up tomorrow with emails and the like, but otherwise I’ve essentially pulled a sickie (and I feel guilty about it).

I have a husband and a 5yo son and so taking a ‘day off’ at the weekend isn’t an option IYSWIM. And I feel like there is so much to do day to day that sometimes it’s overwhelming.

Now I think about it I could have taken a day’s annual leave but this morning when I just didn’t want to engage in life I didn’t think of that, I thought a sick day was my only option.

Do I sound like I’m going bananas?

OP posts:
HettieBettie · 13/11/2018 18:54

You’re looking after you. You may not be unwell but you knew you needed a bit of time to be 100%.

Take it.

Gingertam · 13/11/2018 18:54

Agree with Range. I'm surprised how many people on here think it's ok to pull a sickie. I often need a day to myself to do nothing but would just take leave. Firms have really cracked down on sick leave in the past couple of years. This is because so many people were "swinging the lead". People fought hard for sick pay. It wasn't that long ago that it didn't even exist. Shame to abuse it.

user764329056 · 13/11/2018 18:59

FFS of course you did the right thing, being aware of our limits is crucial, working full time is a slog and you shouldn’t feel bad about needing to recharge, life is full-on and listening to your own needs is healthy, there are some really odd people on here

Tistheseason17 · 13/11/2018 19:00

YABU
You are supposed to use annual leave/TOIL throughout the year so you have sufficient time off to recharge. Or, perhaps your DH could help out more at the weekend.

Why does "me" time have to be at the expense of your employer and not your DH supporting you more?

ilovesooty · 13/11/2018 19:04

I like my job. I like and respect my colleagues and my manager. I care about our service users. I don't think it's "odd" to prefer not to be flake and unreliable. We are well looked after and supported and if I said I was feeling under pressure I'd be encouraged to pace my annual leave and take some leave or TOIL to prevent the situation escalating.

Upsy1981 · 13/11/2018 19:04

As PP said I used to work somewhere that did Duvet Days. They were the best thing about working there. I think you could only have 3 days per year iirc as Duvet Days and there was a limit on the number of Duvet Days allowed on any given day to ensure the equivalent of a whole team didn't just disappear so it was first come first served and sometimes you had to drag yourself in because you'd be refused but once the novelty wore off, things fell into a pattern and most of the time you'd get one. You could use either annual leave or flexi leave and as I always had the maximum flexi time accrued it worked well for me to use my time in that way whilst not affecting my annual leave. Sometimes you just need a catch up day.

Notmorewashing · 13/11/2018 19:04

This is gross misconduct where I work. Life is not easy, people now are less resilient

mimibunz · 13/11/2018 19:05

If you can do it I recommend taking a day off every month for yourself. Do it in advance, before you really need it and it will give you something to look forward to! I got denied 5 days leave in September, but it’s been a blessing in disguise as I have now taken those days so that I have a couple of 4 day weeks in November and December.

Redboxonwheels · 13/11/2018 19:07

Soup

Bit harsh. Don’t think the ‘can’t be arsed argument’ applies to OP do you? Otherwise she wouldn’t be feeling guilty.

She admits she’s struggling.
As long as taking days off doesn’t become a regular thing, in which case OP needs to reassess her job and lifestyle.

Upsy1981 · 13/11/2018 19:08

To add, i now work in a school and I know we have very generous holidays but it would be nice to be allowed a couple of days during the year that you could take at a time to suit, I really think that would help the mental health of school staff. Sometimes its really hard to accommodate appointments etc within holidays or you could just do with a day on your own to clear your head.

megletthesecond · 13/11/2018 19:15

People aren't less resilient. I just don't I think we self medicate as brutally.
Standards are higher too.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/11/2018 19:19

This was always known as 'skiving' in the past
Why is it now being called a 'mental health day'?

Seems a fair question ... interesting, too, that OP's chosen not to answer those who asked what she told her employer

Absolutely nothing wrong with taking a day to chill out, but isn't that what leave or even unpaid days are for?

JoyceTempleSavage · 13/11/2018 19:20

A sick day every now and again to catch up is vital

Er no it’s not

I’m a single parent of two and have never thrown a sickie in my nearly 30 year working life. I’m paid to work

Mental health day my arse

Mental illness is a different thing entirely btw

xJessica · 13/11/2018 19:20

throughthickandthin I've been the same today, I'm a SAHM but I've not felt settled at all today, and craved the comfort of having DH home and DD back from school and all of us home at the fire. I've felt unmotivated and just at odds with myself and I don't even know why!

Redboxonwheels · 13/11/2018 19:21

ilovesooty

We are well looked after and supported and if I said I was feeling under pressure I'd be encouraged to pace my annual leave and take some leave or TOIL to prevent the situation escalating.

You are so so lucky! Many of us work for absolute bastard companies who wouldnt care if we dropped dead. Would just shout ‘next!’

And I’m not joking.

JoyceTempleSavage · 13/11/2018 19:21

You’re looking after you. You may not be unwell but you knew you needed a bit of time to be 100%

Do people actually believe this bollocks

BiddyPop · 13/11/2018 19:25

Part of the reason I am still a first aider at work (apart from needing to keep skills up for Scouts), is, realistically, that I get 3 days training every 2 years which are a complete change from the day job (so quite physical and some refreshing of learning as opposed to desk job and being a senior manager negotiating with people to "get things done".

Days for your mental health are important.

ilovesooty · 13/11/2018 19:28

Red I am very lucky. It's one of the reasons I'd rather poke rusty nails into my eyes than return to my previous work. At the moment we're really short staffed and I've received a thank you card from my manager today. It's not presenteeism - I wouldn't want to let her and my colleagues down.

Kintan · 13/11/2018 19:34

I guess it depends on your job as to whether YWBU - I have done exactly as you have, maybe once per year. But I have never had a job where colleagues would have to take on extra work or appointments would be cancelled etc. If your impromptu day off didn't adversely affect anyone else and it did the trick for your mental health, then you were definitely not BU.

Autumndays14 · 13/11/2018 19:37

For all those who think it's totally fine to just take a day, how would you feel
if your nanny or your childminder just took a day and left you in the lurch one morning? You may have sympathy if they were genuinely sick but be honest and admit that you would be pretty pissed off if you knew they weren't.

GoatYoga · 13/11/2018 19:41

It doesn’t depend on the job - you are either ill or not. If you are not ill, then you should be in work.

If everyone who “just felt like a day off” actually took a day off the NHS, schools and many other big organisations would collapse. Book leave, change jobs or just get on with it like everyone else has to.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/11/2018 19:42

We are well looked after and supported and if I said I was feeling under pressure I'd be encouraged to pace my annual leave and take some leave or TOIL to prevent the situation escalating

I don't know about "lucky"; to me this is a well balanced approach and it's the one I took with my own employees

I always found it worked pretty well, except with those who chose to help themselves while expecting someone else to pay. Fortunately they were very few and didn't last long ...

Ragwort · 13/11/2018 19:43

Why can’t you organise your weekend better to have a proper rest? I would always have a ‘free’ day at a weekend to rest & relax. DH would have our DS, I would do the same for him. Too many people seem to spend their weekends rushing round ‘entertaining’ their children and being busy for the sake of it.
Fine to take a day’s annual leave to have a ‘do nothing’ day but I would not be impressed if any of my team called in sick for a ‘duvet day’. One of my DH’s team did just that this week & it caused huge issues for the rest of the team.

Celebelly · 13/11/2018 19:48

Most workplaces have policies that prevent people taking repeated short-term sick leave (every place I've worked has an algorithm that triggers when you reach a certain threshold). Presumably the OP isn't anywhere near that threshold or she wouldn't be taking a day, so she's probably taken less sick leave than some of the others who work there. People who take the piss with days off are easily recognisable and there should be policies in place to deal with it.

There aren't any rewards in life for being a martyr, no matter how much we might like to pat ourselves on the back for going 30 years without a sick day. You most likely haven't achieved anything more than someone who has taken the odd sick day every couple of years (and often workplaces don't really care anyway unless there's an extreme absence record). And speaking as a former manager, I'd rather someone took a day for their wellbeing than struggle on and end up being signed off with stress for weeks and weeks. Those were the absences that caused the biggest problems for the team, not one-off days from people who rarely took them.

Ragwort · 13/11/2018 19:48

Red what a ridiculous comment, many employees do genuinely feel guilt when they are off sick (real sickness) and know their colleagues have to cover them. Most of us will, of course, help out when colleagues are genuinely sick but you soon get to know who is faking it & just can’t be arsed.