Children giving up their seats..

[whatsthepointthen]

I was on the bus this morning and my 2 children were sat in the seats, this is a small bus and gets very busy. After a few stops an older woman got on and kept loudly bitching that my kids didnt give up their seats and shaking her head.

for context my son fell on this exact bus flat on his back and banged his head on the floor a few months back as he was standing up (and holding on) but the bus whizzed round a corner so now i try to make sure they always get a seat.

Should children always give up their seats for an older person? wibu for not making them?

Can your 6 year old really not manage standing up and holding on tightly on a bus? Mine have been doing it since they mastered the roundabout at the park.

I’m 28 and I struggle staying upright on a bus.

I wouldn't make my children stand for anyone with an attitude like hers. If I did, I would be showing my children that if you be rude and have a strop, you get your own way. As a parent I have spent years teaching my children the opposite !

Also I think at 4 and 6 they are as much in danger of falling as an elderly person, not that someone in their 60s is elderly. I remember falling on a bus when I was probably about 5 and cutting my lip.

The fact that she refused a seat when someone offered her one, shows her up for who she is. Some people are not happy unless they are moaning.

Glad I rarely use buses. All these people loudly but passive aggressively complaining to the air rather than asking politely if they could have the seat.

My children are 9yo and 12yo. If they are sitting, they stay sitting. They are disabled (have autism and hypermobility), and standing on the bus is extremely difficult and uncomfortable (sometimes quite painful) for them. I will stand without a problem, unless my 9yo is struggling, in which case I need to sit with him to keep him calm.

Obviously these disabilities are not "visible" to others, but thankfully have only been questioned a couple times. My children do not like other people being told about their medical conditions when we're out and about (understandably) and I have to respect that to some degree.

I agree with Hisaishi: I would have got the 6 year old to stand up as to me that's the age when they can hold on a bit better. Under 5s should definitely get priority though.

yanbu. Ridiculous to expect 4 & 6 year olds to stand up on a bus, it wouldn't be safe. However I would have possibly given up my seat if the woman was really elderly but not if she looked like a healthy and fit 60 year old.

Does your bus company charge for children's seats, or do they travel free? How does this matter? Children are entitled to travel safely on buses, and unless they are 10+ they can't hold on very well and some bus drivers break like lunatics. It says nowhere that children are only allowed to travel on buses free of charge as long as they give up seats for paying customers. You can't fit 2 4&6 year olds on one seat.

there would have been a whole load of adults who could have given up their seats provided the woman was very elderly, say 70+.

I wouldn't automatically expect it no, my mum is in her 60s and is actually far fitter and healthier than I am and I'm 36 with several chronic conditions (most of which aren't visible). My kids are 8 (with some additional needs) and 3 so I would probably have asked the 8 year old to take the 3 year old on her knee, however if the woman was offered a seat by others and just specifically targeted my kids I would pointedly tell them to stay put and giving them a lesson in manners as to why.

@ChardonnaysPrettySister I say bitching about anyone that bitches. Male or female

DD would have stood on public transport for adults apart from on lengthy train journeys where we booked and paid for a seat.

Speaking from the POV of someone who is over 50 but no disabilities (apart from slightly dodgy knees) and is not a parent....

If a child is too small to be safe standing, I would expect them to be seated to ensure they are safe. However, two small kids can bunch up and sit in a space together, or if the parent is seated one of them can sit on a lap. If the child has a buggy and the buggy is not fold up, they can sit in a buggy. If they're tall enough to stand safely (so probably 7 or 8 upwards) they should stand.

"unless they are 10+ they cant hold on very well"

Oh dont be ridiculous. Go down to your local playground sometime and look at whose on the climbing boulders/top of the climbing frames/roundabouts/standing on the swings/on the scooter ramps. Hint: it's not the over 60s.
Most (but not all) children over 5 can hold on to things pretty well.

I usually make my DC bunch up onto one seat, they're 6 and nearly 8. That said my 6yo is far more capable of standing holding a pole than my nearly 8yo. I would expect them to get up for anyone who needed a seat more than them, but not someone who wanted it more. If an able bodied adult had offered someone a seat and they refused it I'd tell my DC to carry on sitting where they were though.

It's just good manners. If you don't get them to stand for people who need the seat more (and in general adults, especially older ones, do need it more than energetic kids), you are teaching them to be that adult who wouldn't stand to give a pregnant lady or an elderly or disabled person a much needed seat. Is that how you want them to grow up?

Rubbish. I’ve always told my
children they’re not obligated to give up their seats 1950s style to any and every random adult. They know that are just as entitled to sit down as anyone else who is able-bodied.

However, they are now teens and they would, without a doubt, jump up to offer their seat to someone who genuinely needs (or appears to need) it more than them.

And I certainly don’t believe that adults ‘in general’ need a seat more than a child.

It says nowhere that children are only allowed to travel on buses free of charge as long as they give up seats for paying customers.

I disagree with 'it says nowhere' - it depends on the conditions of carriage. A quick Google has brought up a couple of examples of bus companies that say exactly that.

Children travelling for free cannot occupy a seat if it is needed by a fare-paying passenger.

A child under 3 years can travel for free if he sits on an adult’s lap (one per full fare paying adult).

"Can your 6 year old really not manage standing up and holding on tightly on a bus? Mine have been doing it since they mastered the roundabout at the park."

Wow awesome parenting there! Did your dc master this impressive life skills just to give up their seats for grumpy old women? Seems a bit of a waste of time but I suppose we all have different priorities. Just wondering Barb are you one of those people who make 6 family meals out of a small Asda chicken?

Very bad manners on your part and you are rearing children who will be equally bad-mannered. Sorry you can't see that. Sad really.

I would expect the two children to squeeze up a bit and share a seat so that a standing passenger could sit down, regardless of whether the passenger was old or not.
I was quite shocked the other day when a woman and her child took up two seats in a packed bus instead of the woman sitting the child on her knee. Nobody moaned or said anything at all, but I thought it was selfish of her.

I'm also of the generation that automatically stood for an adult of any age when I was a child and teenager, and now that I'm older I've to stand for children!

Given that you were standing and holding the pram I'd say let them sit down because you couldn't safely hold both their hands but I'd have got them to squash up and share a seat.

At that age my kids would have squished up to let the lady sit down without anyone asking. This is because they were taught manners. Just as I was taught by my mum. Yes please and no thank you were ingrained from a very early age

And just saying ... the lady may or may not have been polite but that is no excuse for them (or you) to behave like her. Your children should have manners to others regardless of how others are behaving. Lead by example OP or they won't learn.

It's your call.

Personally, I'd expect older kids (secondary school age) to think about giving up their seats - unless they have a huge musical instrument etc with them. Younger adults might also be expected to give up their seats. It's not easy for small children to stand on a crowded bus so I'd not be looking to them to give up seats.

We were once on a bus full of hikers with DC aged less than 2. No one gave up their seats even when they could see DC had fallen asleep. Not great.

Definitely would have got my children to stand up at 4 and 6. If younger, would be on my lap. It’s good manners. End of.

Autumnrocks It will be interesting to see whether the generation of children that are accustomed to having seats vacated for them by adults, will be vacating their seats for young children when they are grown up.

That is, if buses haven't become obsolete by then!

Definitely should have given up a seat! It’s just basic manners. They can either squeeze up and share a seat, or the 6year old could come stand inbetween you and the pole so he wouldn’t go flying again.

She was being rude to complain, but you were being very rude to have your children occupy all the seats over elderly adults.