Children giving up their seats..

[whatsthepointthen]

I was on the bus this morning and my 2 children were sat in the seats, this is a small bus and gets very busy. After a few stops an older woman got on and kept loudly bitching that my kids didnt give up their seats and shaking her head.

for context my son fell on this exact bus flat on his back and banged his head on the floor a few months back as he was standing up (and holding on) but the bus whizzed round a corner so now i try to make sure they always get a seat.

Should children always give up their seats for an older person? wibu for not making them?

What's so special about older people that they warrant more respect than other members of society?

"I didnt notice the woman until she started bitching"

But you did notice her turning down a seat she had been offered earlier?

after she started bitching, she started bitching, i looked over, noticed it was aimed at mine, carried on, someone offered a seat she said no then continued to bitch and started saying something to another woman, then not long after we got off, i didnt notice her when she first got on the bus, I HEARD her before i seen her put it that way.

Hisaishi

Well I am glad times have changed. I don't agree with teaching children that adults are always right/more important, that they shouldn't question things an adult does of asks for just because they are older regardless of their attitude. Nothing to do with it being fashionable, older people should set a good example to children. My children are very polite and well mannered but if someone spoke to them or about them like this grumpy old woman did, they would ignore them and certainly not give up their seat. Being old doesn't automatically trump everything else !

Gingerivy I don't think anyone has suggested that disabled or unwell children should be asked to give up their seats.

It's the culture of able-bodied young people not doing so that is contributing to the distressing situation you and your son have experienced.

People are more likely to default, wrongly, to thinking that a young person without a visible disability has simply not thought to offer their seat to an elderly person, rather than thinking 'that child must have a reason for needing that seat, because otherwise he/she would naturally have offered it to the elderly gentleman who is standing.'

YABU OP, I can see what you are saying but your children should have shared 1 seat and the old person sat on the other. Where I live the bus driver or other passengers would have shamed you so much you would have made them move.
Also the young adults on the bus had paid for their journey and had a full day of work ahead of them. When old people fall they can break bones really easily, that's why they should be seated.

When i get the bus with my 3, I usually stand with the pram and my older two(6&7) will share a seat if busy. I pay a fare for them and usually the bus is full of able bodied adults who would be more able to stand safely than a child.

I would have expected the six year old to stand up and would have made sure he's stood up safely.

Screaming Actually my point from earlier is that you can't always know by looking that a child is disabled or unwell. I teach my children that just like others can't see their disabilities, we can't see others' either, so we can't just assume they are not disabled in some way.

Walking that thin line between securing and maintaining their seating without explaining their disabilities to others in front of them (as it upsets them - again, understandably) can be quite difficult. I imagine there are people that think we are just being rude, but I guess that's life.

The people that annoy me are the ones who put their bags on the window seat and they sit on the aisle seat when the bus is busy.

Hisaishe does it make you feel goid to be deliberately obtuse?

Where I live the bus driver or other passengers would have shamed you so much you would have made them move.

Lol... Where on earth do you live where an old person is being rude yet everyone would be on their side ?????

OP, I would just give up I were you. Yet again mumsnet is like some parallel universe !

I wouldn't make my son move. I don't care if 100 older people on this thread think it's 'bad manners'- adults aren't automatically more important than children just because that's what you were taught and I'm not going to teach him that he's less important. Whoever is there first gets to sit there. Obviously we would move for someone who needed the seat, an elderly, disabled or heavily pregnant lady (for those going on about invisible disabilities, I have one myself and I just inform people and ask them nicely if I need them to move). This lady was unreasonable to complain, never mind refusing a seat from somebody else and continuing.

No great drama but personally I was always taught that it was good manners to offer the seat to more elderly travellers. You make the call based on circumstances though I guess.

In 20 years' time we'll have a society where everyone thinks they (or their children) have the greatest 'right' to a seat. It will make for some interesting bus rides!

I'm not going to teach him that he's less important.

The act of showing consideration to another person doesn't render you less important than them.

ScreamingValenta maybe in 29 years time we'll have a society where people think about what the appropriate thing to do is instead of brain dead repetition of whats always been done because what's always been done must be right.

In 20 years' time we'll have a society where everyone thinks they (or their children) have the greatest 'right' to a seat. It will make for some interesting bus rides!

I think manners will always be there and the vast majority of people will give up their seat to anyone needing it, as long as the person needing it is polite and doesn't act like the rude woman in OPs situation.

Be kind and people will be kind back to you.
Act like a rude grumpy idiot and expect the same back.

blueskiesandforests I would like to think so, but if no one is being encouraged to consider the needs of others, it's not likely to happen.

Posts like this always bring out people who hold children to higher standards than they hold themselves to.

If I see someone needing a seat I'd stand before telling my 7 year old to stand, because I'm safer standing than he is (regardless of the fact I'm a shift worker - tiredness only has a baring on safety in extreme cases or when operating machinery!). My teens would offer to stand automatically and encourage me to stay seated. I've never made them stand but they would have shared a seat while I stood when younger.

Model decent behaviour, don't force more vulnerable people to stand because you want strangers to approve of your lack of ability to risk assess.

No child should be standing on public transport while it is moving on the road and it's ridiculous for anyone to say otherwise so no ywnbu, doesn't matter if they don't pay that's the bus companies choice not yours.

Personally I would have got my 6 year old to stand, although at that age he would have been more than capable to do so. It's good manners and goes towards reducing the risk of them being self entitled snowflakes who only consider their own needs. Imo.

Personally I think it’s bad manners to expect someone else to give up a seat. I have hidden disabilities, I don’t get in a bus and get shitty because nobody has read my mind and flung their 4 year old to the floor so I can sit in their place.

What form did the bitching take?

And was she really so huge that your children couldn't have made enough room for her to sit down?