To ban mobiles around my baby

[Fridakahlofan]

Yesterday I asked my husband to watch our 4 month old for an hour and came in to find her mesmerised watching a youtube video of some fish he had propped in front of her. I felt annoyed - like she had been tainted but agree it totally shut her up and gave him some peace.

I'm no angel and use my phone around her occasionally but I am wondering if I should change my ways.

Does anyone out there manage to have a mobile phone they barely use? Tips please! and how can I convince my husband to cut down usage too.

YABU
Phones aren't toxic and aren't going to cause brain damage or emotional damage.

I hadn't considered this much and must admit to putting videos on my phone to calm DD when she's kicking off in the car and rattles and singing fail to cheer her up.

However, having googled it, I think I'm going to stop.

globalnews.ca/news/4028759/vancouver-toddlers-screentime/

@MemoryOfSleep - that references a study of 242 children in Canada. There are billions of children in the world. I'd be sceptical about a study that wasn't replicated on a much larger scale.

I'd be sceptical about a study that wasn't replicated on a much larger scale.

Toddlers are turning up at nursery with no basic playing skills, they try to swipe toys the way you would an iPhone.

That makes me feel sick, @ImpendingDisaster

@ImpendingDisaster - according to whom?! I've never heard that before in my life.

According to anyone you speak to who works with young children. There are children who simply don’t know how to play if IPads aren’t available, they wander around looking absolutely lost. There are countless studies showing speech and language issues, behavioural problems and poor motor skills all linked to screen use. There was a story on the bbc the other day saying that universities are now seeing the first wave of medical students who are unable to stitch patients due to the effect of increased screen use on fine motor skills.

Well I think that's got to be the extreme end of the screen time spectrum! And it's still anecdotal. My daughter has more than 30 minutes screen time a day among a wealth of other activities in and out of the house. According to her latest nursery report her development is ahead across all areas. The nursery specifically said she's ready for school already and she's 3. I'm therefore hugely sceptical of reports that say children having more than more than 30 minutes of screen time a day are developmentally delayed. Or that children are swiping toys rather than playing with them. But I'll ask at nursery tomorrow...

www.hanen.org/Helpful-Info/Articles/ipad-equals-dont-talk.aspx

This is interesting reading. I agree more children are presenting who have language problems and struggle to play imaginatively with toys but are very proficient technology users.

@ImpendingDisaster - according to whom?! I've never heard that before in my life.

I heard a segment on Radio 4.

Well I think that's got to be the extreme end of the screen time spectrum!

Sure. I think that a 4 month old being amused by an iPhone qualifies as extreme, though.

I have less of an aversion to amusing a toddler with a screen because they are so bloody full-on, but the thought of a 4 month old fixing their gaze on a screen instead of a dog or person or housefly or leaves falling or a million other things that fascinate them leaves me cold.

'They're no different to books' argument is ridiculous. Books generally don't trigger a dopamine response in the brain the same way screens do. Do you really want a 4 month old starting to get used to that kind of 'hit'?

You aren’t being OTT. A baby will happily look at a black and white strapped pattern for ages at that are. They don’t need phones and neither do we know what they do to their developing brains.

My eldest is nine and we have still resisted them using gadgets as I honestly think it’s good for their brains to be unstimulated. I know I’m fighting a losing battle but resist as long as you can as the rest of their lives will be spent on gadgets.

My kids still play make believe games, play outside and have zero screen time.

If you are the main carer then I would be pissed of to.
It happens often that the main carer is struggling for 10 hours and when the OH comes home they have the baby and within 5 minutes the baby is in front of a screen.
No.
It is different to be at your wits end and use some tv than to be there for 1 hour and use it.
Imo.
I am the main carer, this is my job now. My OH knows that and trusts mu judgement.
But you will find all sorts of answers here, telling you to "relax it is fine"
I dont care what others do but for mine that wouldn't do either

And FGS, at 4 months old, you actually do plonk babies somewhere. They can't sit up yet, FFS. It doesn't really matter whether it's in front of a window or in front of a TV or in front of a picture.)

They're no different to books'

Jesus wept

I understand some people use it for toddlers when they are at their wits end and I get that. But everywhere I go I see babies and toddlers in buggies and in cafes on devices and it’s lazy parenting.

Agree at 4 months. But by toddler stage I really can't see an issue with limited use.

It’s because the kids become dependent on them and would scream if they weren’t allowed them.
I’m sorry but I’d sooner have my child have a tantrum in a restaurant about not being allowed a screen (cardinal sin on Mumsnet allowing my child to disturb others!) and take the child outside until they’d calmed down than just accept they ‘need’ it and they will always sit absorbed in a screen rather than learning how to converse, use table manners etc and even cope with a short amount of time where they aren’t being entertained.

It happens often that the main carer is struggling for 10 hours and when the OH comes home they have the baby and within 5 minutes the baby is in front of a screen.
No.
It is different to be at your wits end and use some tv than to be there for 1 hour and use it.
Imo.

I agree with this. As well as not being helpful for the child, It also means the dad is never learning to entertain the baby! My DH did this a bit at first, we had a chat, he admitted he was just feeling clueless, he tried not relying on screens and quickly got better at interacting.

I do also think screens are something that should be introduced slowly. A three year old having half an hour is a different kettle of fish to a 4 month old!

I also think there is value for older toddlers in learning to use technology (i.e. interacting with games etc), but no one needs to learn to passively watch a video!

It explains a lot that there are those who are unaware that a child's brain function is entirely different in front of a screen than a book, for example.

We've tried very hard to limit screens and even with the best will in the world, my 12 year old walks around in a fugue state, twitching his fingers (honestly) after we physically remove him from bloody Fortnight.

And - he grew up without iPhones or iPads. The didn't exist. He had to colour at Pizza Express. Software companies are working overtime to hook your kids.

We've tried very hard to limit screens and even with the best will in the world, my 12 year old walks around in a fugue state, twitching his fingers (honestly) after we physically remove him from bloody Fortnight.

I don't know how much time your child spends playing, but my niece and nephew, 5 and 8, play on their PlayStation for a limited time (not every day), and they have never gone around "in a fuge state" or twitching their fingers.

I am so old that I thought this was about mobiles that you hang over a cot to entertain babies and I couldn't see the problem

Same here!

In fact I was remembering how when DD was about 4mo I had gone out to an evening class and when I came home DH was beckoning me from the top of the stairs saying "Come and look at this"

He had hung a mobile pf little elf-y type creatures above the cot and DD was absolutely fascinated. You could have described her as "mesmerized", just as the OP did about her DD and the mobile phone.
So I am wondering - what is the difference between a child being captivated by a real life mobile and something they can see on a screen?

The difference is that the slow pace of real life can’t compete with the fast moving and flashing lights and sounds on a mobile device. It has an addictive quality that the child’s brain comes to crave leading them to be bored with the normal pace of their natural surroundings and tantrumming when they can’t get the screen fix their brain wants. As a result screen use goes up and up as it becomes the only thing that reliably placates the child. The average child these days spends hours a day staring at screens. Before mobile devices this is a good chunk of time children that would have spent interacting and learning to get along with others, making eye contact, moving and exercising their bodies, manipulating toys and tools, just being with their own thoughts and entertaining themselves watching the world around them and making up little games so that they are able to regulate their own feelings and boredom levels. It’s no wonder that now that children spend significantly less time doing these things their social and physical skills are suffering.

I am struggling to understand how people cannot see the difference between a screen and books and toys. Absolutely ridiculous.