To ban mobiles around my baby

[Fridakahlofan]

Yesterday I asked my husband to watch our 4 month old for an hour and came in to find her mesmerised watching a youtube video of some fish he had propped in front of her. I felt annoyed - like she had been tainted but agree it totally shut her up and gave him some peace.

I'm no angel and use my phone around her occasionally but I am wondering if I should change my ways.

Does anyone out there manage to have a mobile phone they barely use? Tips please! and how can I convince my husband to cut down usage too.

I wouldn't like it if my dh does that

I try to limit screen use for DS.

There is studies done that under 2 year olds shouldn't have screen time, by the AAP.

Yes cos no children had clean clothes or dishes before smartphones did they
Once you start it’s a viscious circle imo. You use screens to placate your child then they struggle to pay attention to the slow pace of the real world, become bored and need them more. Leading to the shocking amount of screen time the average child has today.
80% of a childs brain development takes place between the age of 0-3. Real life teaches children to interact, to be curious and pay attention to little details, to have different feelings and learn how to switch between them, to learn cause and effect from manipulating and watching things, to learn to use their body in different ways. How much of that 80% do you want to waste on episodes of Peppa Pig? Their brain is for life. What normal development do you think is happening while a child is sat perfectly still absorbed in a screen and nothing else?
Most kids with poor socioemotional skills in their early years never fully catch up with their peers so the damage is for life.

That's true bumsex but in the past people also put their babies in the garden to sleep for hours. Today we know to have them with us for all sleep so that does restrict things a bit.

I personally don’t think a bit of screen time is that terrible. Depends how it’s used. My 5.5 month dd loves sitting on mine or dhs lap and watching Winnie the Pooh together. She gets so excited. I wouldnt plonk it in front of her and leave her to it.

I think this is the sort of thing you will look back on in a few years and think is hilariously PFB.

Not in a mean way, I just think about some of the things that I was uptight about with my eldest and smile to myself.

I've worked in plenty of schools in a variety of capacities and I reckon I could line the children in a class up from most screen time to least based on their development alone. Without exception the children who struggle academically, socially, emotionally, behaviourally and with motor skills (who don't have a disability that accounts for those things) are the same children who talk constantly of gaming and sm and whose parents describe them as never being off their phone/xbox or ipad. It isn't coincidence. Why would you want to start that at 4 months old?

The bottom line seems to be that if it doesn't meet the Most Important Parent's mantra it's 'lazy parenting'. When my daughter was about that age she used to be fascinated by a fish tank in someone's house, oh err, I must have been very lazy!

Huge generalisations being made all over the place here!

My child is not going to be socially and emotionally stunted because she watched 10mins of nursery rhymes about ducks some days. Honestly what nonsense. Stop guilting parents for doing what they need to do to stay sane. Perhaps if she were being actually neglected and getting little other stimulation or activity then yes, you would see detrimental effects caused by that, but presumably all these perfect, screen-free parents have also read about the hugely damaging effects of high levels of cortisol on young babies? My little one is currently going through a bit over an overwhelming leap and screaming when left alone for even a minute/when fed up of whatever we’re currently doing. I’d much rather she was peaceful and contented watching songs for the 10mins I need my hands free to run round the house sorting things out, than distressed and screaming, getting herself hysterical.

Each to their own. Well done all of you who are clearly far better mothers than the rest of us

Wait till you have a second, OP. Good luck to restricting screen time with your first when you've got a demanding baby to look after.

Don’t think you can ban them but I do think it’s really sad that he decided to use a screen to entertain rather than play with his baby when he only had her for an hour

Rcohle nothing pfb about it. I've been the same with all my kids. And stepaway - the kids were born close together - still didn't do it. There are other ways to entertain kids

'shut her up' at 4 months old? Yeah, these babies that coo and gurgle and cry.

It's about habits. If he gets used to doing it as the default thing to do when they're alone then it isn't great.

Screens are just a medium, it's the content that matters. They are also a fact of life and the quicker children get comfortable with them and competent in using them the better equipped they will be for later years.

I wonder if 100 years ago there were parents fretting over their children having too much book time. "Books can be so addictive, who knows what damage they could be doing to their brains".

My DC are, thankfully, of the pre-screen era, so my feelings are coloured by this - but the idea of a 4 month old being "shut up" by a screen makes me feel ill.

I think babies are pretty much hard-wired to not give their parents any peace. I'm sure there are biological reasons for this, but I'm not a biologist. Any which way, the idea of stupefying them with a screen makes me feel as if we've entered some kind of Dystopia.

My husband was a bit sad when I put a short video on for our baby boy (the Baby Sensory Hello song). He said he felt bad about using a screen to nanny our baby. But then agreed our baby was mesmerised and smiling. He also wasn't being nannied as I was singing along and cuddling him. It was 4:30am and he just wasn't settling after his 3am feed.

You use what you have in your arsenal. As long as you're still engaging with your baby, it's fine.

Baby boy is 12 weeks old

the NHS recommends no screens until three. (by that they mean to occupy/distract the baby, they wont be poisoned by a glance.)

quick google

There are also concerns that screens can lead to shorter attention spans and behavioral issues. Researchers have found that babies and toddlers who watch TV at such a young age may have a tougher time managing their emotions and comforting themselves when they're older.

Using your phone around the baby and using the phone instead of having to talk to the baby are two entirely different things IMO.

Reading Mumsnet while she feeds with her eyes closed is one thing, but sticking her in front of a phone because Daddy Can't Be Bothered is another.

Regardless of whether screens do any damage or are simply likely to be used by people who are doing damage in other ways, it's also bloody miserable that her father feels she's so sodding boring and unpleasant that he can't be arsed to spend half an hour singing Incy Wincy or shaking a rattle.

I'd be furious at the disinterest more than the screen.

The way I saw it - and explained to DH was that while it's not going to do her any harm it's not going to do her any good. At 4 months she's learning so much about the world from observing and from learning from us. And she's making close bonds with us through us interacting with her.
So its fine for a short while as a lazy babysitting tool but she's missing out on what she needs to develop while she's doing that, so avoid where possible.
Although DH hates me being on my phone so wasn't a hard argument. He does use youtube to distract her now in toddler phase if she's acting up. I try not to.

I don't think short bursts will do any harm, just try not to rely on it I suppose. My three year old has never used a phone/tablet. We don't have tablets at home, my husband has an old school nokia 3310 phone and I've just never let him play or watch anything on my phone. I do put CBeebies on for a couple of hours most days though, have done since he was about a year old. Hes getting a kids tablet for Christmas, as nursery use them once a week and hes the only one that doesn't know how to lol. It's about what you're happy with really. Screens are everywhere and can only be avoided for so long, just do your best to keep it in moderation.

I’d tell him no screens full stop. Four month old babies don’t need screen time. It’s bad for her and numerous studies back this up so send him some to read if he doesn’t agree.

I only ever use screens to placate DS if we are on a car journey and he is screaming in the car seat. 10 minutes of watching helicopters on YouTube is preferable to him getting very worked up and me/DH not being able to concentrate on driving!
This does happen rarely though. He is 12 months.

10 mins every few days wouldn’t be a problem but if you are using screens to avoid tantrums kids soon learn that if they kick up a fuss they get a screen and the time creeps up. Hence the generation of children we have now who ‘need’ a screen to sit for a meal, in the car, while we do the dishes etc. What do you think children used to do before phones and iPads? This generation is raising kids who’s brains can’t cope with the environment around them.

Must admit I wouldn't be very impressed that DH couldn't look after his own child for AN HOUR without resorting to a screen.

10 mins every now and then is fine, as long as he's actually engaging with her too.

Don’t think it would occur to me at 4 m/o, wouldn’t you just pop them under a baby gym or in a bouncy chair with a toy while you did something in the same room?

I think this is the sort of thing you will look back on in a few years and think is hilariously PFB.

I have teenagers and I still don't look back at anything and think I was silly, to be honest. I think I was pretty sensible, cut corners where I needed to, and stood my ground where it seemed important.

Recognising that you'll lose control over this stuff eventually (which you do) doesn't mean you hand over the control while you still have it.