1 day for my Mother's Death

[ICanEatWhat]

My Mum passed away 3 weeks ago today, very suddenly at only 58. We were extremely close as a small family so I'm utterly devastated. I had a call to tell me to get to the hospital from work at around 2 on a Monday. I informed my manager and I was told to take as much time as I needed. I took Tuesday, Wedsnesday and Thursday. As it happened I already had the Friday and following week booked as annual leave. I returned to work (too early, in hindsight) the Monday after my week's leave.

Roll on a week later and I now have the date for the funeral, next Thursday. I have asked for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday as annual leave to prepare (wake at my house), attend and grieve after the funeral, I just know I'd find going in on the Friday after extremely difficult. I've been granted the leave but I've also been told I need to "repay" 2 of the 3 compassionate leave days out of my annual leave as only 1 day compassionate leave is allowed. No mention of this to me at any point until I tried to book the funeral days off. It's also not mentioned in my contract and I can't find the company policy.

Is this normal? On the flip side my husband was given a week off followed by a week of half days, fully paid. I feel like 1 day to grieve a parent just isn't at all compassionate and it raises a red flag to me about how the company value their employees (we aren't talking a small company either)

So AIBU to be pissed off, undervalued and just a little bit sad about it?

You’re not being unreasonable. I’m sorry I have no advice and sure someone more knowledgeable than me will be along shortly, but I wanted to say how very sorry for your loss I am.

I think many companies have similar rules, though some allow the manager's discretion.

When wanting more paid time off for bereavement I think many people end up going to the GP and being signed off that way, to cover themselves at work.

Sorry to hear about your mum :(

Crikey that’s pretty low. Where I work you are entitled to 5 days for an immediate family member (such as your parent) and 1 for extended family. Do you have a copy of your contract and terms?

I’m sorry for your loss. YANBU - one day compassionate leave for the death of a parent seems very poor spirited. It would not be unreasonable to consider yourself unable to work at full capacity so I would discuss with your GP. You can receive a line to allow you reduced hours or to be off completely until you are ready. Look after yourself.

Not at all unreasonable.

What's your company's sick leave policy? When my friend's mum died her employer was absolutely shit, she also had a call asking her to go straight to the hospital and her employer asked her if she was going to be coming back to work straight afterwards! Then said she could have a half day for the funeral but would be expected back in after lunch. She went to her GP and got a fit note for two weeks saying that she was unfit for work due to "acute stress".

Can u have it as sick time?

It’s low. I’m sorry for your loss. Get signed off, there’s really very little they can do about that.

Our workplace offers 5 days for immediate family but more at managers discretion.

Try and get a copy of your hr policy

Sorry about your mum

Im sorry to hear about your mum, what a shock for you . I’m a teacher and would only be allowed 2 days under my terms and conditions- 1 day to arrange funeral and 1 day to attend it. However my head teacher would expect me to self certify as ill for a week, and maybe to be signed off by a doctor after as well. Is that an option for you? A doctor would sign you off with stress / debility I’m sure.

Sorry about your mum. One day sounds really mean. I'd ask if they have some leeway.

Online searches suggests 3-5 days for a close family member, with additional in some businesses at the company's discretion. However, there doesn't seem to be an actual law on it.

When my mum died last year my GP signed me off sick until after the funeral.

When I lost my Dad last year (he was 57), I was allowed all the time I needed which was two days for the passing and three days over the funeral. My manager acted as a guard to prevent any of my staff calling me.

You should get yourself signed off. No GP would refuse aand your superior sounds like an a-hole.

So sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss OP
I’m not sure if I’m reading this incorrectly (?) but it looks like you are getting 4 days compassionate leave rather than 1... the 3 days when your mum initially died and then the date of the funeral (?). If that’s the case then I don’t think that is particularly unusual.

Doesn’t make it any easier though :-(

Sorry for your loss

One day sounds really mean.

I think that is re the funeral.
OP has 3 days off initially, and they've said another 1 day for the funeral.
I agree it is low, but online suggests it is fairly normal sadly.

I'm so sorry for your loss 

I would go to your Doc and get yourself signed off until you are ready to go back. 1 day is very mean.

I was given 3 days, at the gathering after the funeral my manager rang to ask when I was back at work as they were short staffed, this is in the nhs. I would ask the g.p. to sign you off, grief affects people differently, take care of yourself and sorry about your mum.

Sorry OP - I think I did misunderstand your initial post and it IS just one day.

In that case I think that IS quite unusual.

I think you have misunderstood it aragog.

Can you self certificate for the week? You can where I work but realise other companies have different policies.

Sorry for your loss

When my dad died . The funeral arranger said you need 2 week off for death of a close one . This was before funerals took weeks arrange . I went the Dr and got sign off .

I agree with pp. talk to your doctor. Annual leave is not for this purpose. Shitty way to treat an employee

1 day is mean. I do suspect many people end up signed of sick, stress.

I also saw a campaign to enforce compassionate in the event of the death of a child. Parent have been forced into work days after their children have passed away.

I am sorry to hear about your mum. When my mum passed away I was given enough time. I would say concentrate on your time and leave this battle. Then when you are feeling better and have strength, start looking for a new job if that's feasible. Some employers are so awful at things like this.