1 day for my Mother's Death

[ICanEatWhat]

My Mum passed away 3 weeks ago today, very suddenly at only 58. We were extremely close as a small family so I'm utterly devastated. I had a call to tell me to get to the hospital from work at around 2 on a Monday. I informed my manager and I was told to take as much time as I needed. I took Tuesday, Wedsnesday and Thursday. As it happened I already had the Friday and following week booked as annual leave. I returned to work (too early, in hindsight) the Monday after my week's leave.

Roll on a week later and I now have the date for the funeral, next Thursday. I have asked for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday as annual leave to prepare (wake at my house), attend and grieve after the funeral, I just know I'd find going in on the Friday after extremely difficult. I've been granted the leave but I've also been told I need to "repay" 2 of the 3 compassionate leave days out of my annual leave as only 1 day compassionate leave is allowed. No mention of this to me at any point until I tried to book the funeral days off. It's also not mentioned in my contract and I can't find the company policy.

Is this normal? On the flip side my husband was given a week off followed by a week of half days, fully paid. I feel like 1 day to grieve a parent just isn't at all compassionate and it raises a red flag to me about how the company value their employees (we aren't talking a small company either)

So AIBU to be pissed off, undervalued and just a little bit sad about it?

I worked for a company that allowed 3 days paid leave for a relative, so say for example you lost your mum on the Wednesday you would only have been paid for Wednesday and Thursday off and then 1 day for the funeral.

I worked in the payroll department and regularly advised upset employees to visit their GP and get a fit note for stress caused by bereavement.

When my friend's mum died her employer was absolutely shit, she also had a call asking her to go straight to the hospital and her employer asked her if she was going to be coming back to work straight afterwards! Then said she could have a half day for the funeral but would be expected back in after lunch.

This is absolutely disgraceful. Who are these people? Are they not capable of demonstrating any form of human compassion?

I’m so sorry for your loss and very sad reading these accounts of unreasonable work places, it makes me very grateful to my own employer actually who couldn’t have done more for me through the bereavements I’ve had.

YANBU and as others have said I’d be looking for a new employer following this.

That’s awful - sorry for your loss. When my step father ( of 35 years standing ) died last year I had 12 days off - 5 days as normally allowed for a parent plus 5 days at my managers discretion and two days leave. Long time but in another country and I had lots of executor meetings for his complicated estate.

When my dad died I took over a week off. He died the sat night and the funeral was the Tuesday, I was off from the sat to the following monday. We get 3 days paid leave for immediate family so I had to take the rest unpaid. I live in Northern Ireland where the funeral normally takes place 2 or 3 days after the death. It must be awful having to wait weeks for a burial.

So sorry for your loss 💐

I think one day sounds really mean but I guess it's up to the company.

How much leave do you have? Is there a reason you can't make up the days at a later time. I think I'd probably agree to doing that and then not worry about it any more. Losing a few days holiday isn't important and means you can forget about the leave and concentrate on the funeral and your grief. The most important thing is that you are able to take the days off, who 'pays' for those days isn't the most important thing to be worrying about at the moment.

I am so sorry for your loss OP
I have never heard of such a lack of compassion from an employer. I haven't seen what industry you work in.
I think your answer is to get signed off work by your GP.
I am so sad for you