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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be freaking out about moving from London to Wales?

419 replies

AutoFillUsername · 11/11/2018 21:46

Long story short: lived in London for twenty years, married a Londoner, have Londerner kids, love London, have great London friends. Now DH has been offered a job in Cardiff and its a great job. So we have to move. But Gosh I’m scared.

I know nothing of Wales. I went to Cardiff once with work and I didn’t love it. I’m thinking if we have to move maybe we should go the whole hog and live in the countryside but I can’t even work out what is commutable to Cardiff.

Are we going to hate it? Is it ever right to leave a place you love just for career reasons?

And if you are Welsh where would you live that is commutable to Cardiff and lovely and friendly and beautiful? We will also need good schools, maybe private but I’m open minded to state as well.

OP posts:
AutoFillUsername · 11/11/2018 23:59

@PennyArcade - To be fair I don’t think I have expressed a single negative view about the Welsh. Others have but I really have not because I don’t have such views. The only negative thing I said about Wales is that I visited Cardiff for work once and didn’t love it.

OP posts:
Picklepickle123 · 12/11/2018 00:03

I think there's been some strong opinions which are derailing the thread a little. The crux of it comes down to what's right for you, your DH, and your family.

Cardiff is not London, but is your house a home if your DH is unhappy in his job/doing a long commute? There's a bit of soul searching that needs to be done before you can make a decision.

How long is he expecting to be in his new role? Would you eventually move back?

converseandjeans · 12/11/2018 00:04

Penarth is lovely - however Bristol could be the answer. Only 40 mins commute and much nearer London. Might take longer from centre but loads of Londoners move to Bristol.

londontocaerdydd · 12/11/2018 00:04

And I lived in Cardiff for a few months back in the late 80s.

I grew up in Cardiff and left in the 80s. I couldn't get away fast enough, it was not a good place then.

I then lived in London for over a long, long time and recently moved back. Cardiff is nothing like it was in the 80s or I would never have come back!

Cardiff is lovely, the town centre has lots of interesting little shops in the arcades, including the world famous Spillers. If you are into music, you will love that place, the staff are great. There's a lovely fish market in town too. There are lots of nice places to eat, though I have to admit they are not as good as London eateries. I have found people to be friendly and welcoming and I have made friends just through passing the time of day with people on the street. Also have found lots of really good tradespeople who actually turn up! Plus it feels so safe here.

BUT it has a totally different "feel" to London and I still find it hard to adjust at times. I miss London and the buzz and feeling that I am at the centre of things (I worked in central London), but I would never go back there as I know am seeing it through rose tinted glasses and have forgotten about the dirt, the noise, the crime, the wearisome commuting.

OP, I was absolutely shit scared moving out of London, it is a huge thing to do, I know. But I bet you will be fine. If you do move here and want to meet for a coffee, DM me!

lizzie1970a · 12/11/2018 00:05

Thanks nakedscientist. I didn't think my posts were that rude. Others have been blunter than mine.

For me the move wasn't so bad as it was for my kids as I knew the place and knew people. I regret the effect it had on them though and wished I'd never moved. I'm not a Londoner. They were and I should never have taken them away from it and wish I hadn't. It wasn't all bad but knowing what I know now it was a bad move that I regret.

You do need a car here. I lived in London for 25 years and didn't need one. It's one of the things brought up by my kids - having to be driven places as across the city where perhaps 2 buses might have been needed to get to a certain club at a certain time. I wouldn't have thought it a problem but my kids didn't like it so thought I'd mention it. Juggling more than one kid getting them different places might be something you need to think about.

TikiWaikiki · 12/11/2018 00:05

Op old st mellons is a nice area i live around 10 mins from there ( in a not so nice area) there are good public transport links ( bus we have no train station around here) it takes around 30 mins to get to the city centre. As previous posters have said pontcanna is v. Nice as are lakeside penylan roath park.

lizzie1970a · 12/11/2018 00:09

The OP hasn't said anything negative about the Welsh. She wants it to work, why would she.

Holdingonbarely · 12/11/2018 00:22

What do you actually want though.
Because it’s a small city. You could say the same of any small city. It’s not going to be London and you’re not going to have you’re network.
Do you want rural? Do you want to grow your own and be in nature
Or do you want urban.
Do you even know what you want. Because if you don’t that will be what fucks it up.
Not the place.

PennyArcade · 12/11/2018 00:25

PennyArcade - To be fair I don’t think I have expressed a single negative view about the Welsh. Others have but I really have not because I don’t have such views. The only negative thing I said about Wales is that I visited Cardiff for work once and didn’t love it

You seem rather freaked out at the thought of living in Wales. It sounds like you would prefer Bristol or abroad.

I think its fair to say that there is not much in Cardiff for young people who are used to the busy London life. The outskirts of Cardiff are very pretty, depending on where you look. Again they will be dead towns (or villages) and a culture shock to children who are used to having everything they need on their doorstep. Children who were brought up in Welsh villages or the city centre are happy with their lot as they don't know any different.

We have plenty of swimming pools, out of school activities like cubs, brownies, performing arts groups, ice rink, choir and music groups etc
We have lots of beaches, woodland walks and mountains to explore.

I don't know if that will measure up or what it is you want. The only thing you can do is research and visit the City Centre and surrounding areas.

Transport links to Cardiff are 'adequate' but you won't get a bus every 10 minutes.

Welsh is compulsory up to GCSE level. I don't know if that's the case in private schools. Posters say not.. I don't know. My children didn't attend private school.

dottyaboutstripes · 12/11/2018 00:29

I'm amazed at the Cardiff bashing!
OP would your dh be working centrally?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 12/11/2018 00:38

I can’t believe no one has mentioned how terribly dismal and depressing the sodding weather is there. It rains and rains and when it’s not raining it is damp and drizzly.

This

Do not underestimate the climate difference between the SE and Wales/SW. Enjoy the sun while you can. You won’t be seeing it for a long time!

londontocaerdydd · 12/11/2018 00:51

Myimaginarycathasfleas - it's not that bad! But one does need some good wet weather gear, it's true...

BarMcBarsen · 12/11/2018 00:51

Why on earth would you do this for a job. Nuts. You have a lovely life. If you're living in a house you can let for £4500 and have private school and a nanny you can afford to downsize and work less. Why not rent somewhere in London for £2750?

Whatyour DP hates his job? What if he doesn't make it through probation? How is a job worth unrooting and moving from your community worth it? Your kids have extraordinary privilege living in London .

I think you're mad. Get your DP to work away Monday to Thursday and negotiate WFH on Fridays and see how that goes

Kokeshi123 · 12/11/2018 01:02

As posted above, worrying about culture shock is not about what plays are on at the local theaterI doubt teens care about that. It is about losing friends and losing independence. If you have teenagers who are used to being able to jump on a bus or tube, don't underestimate what a shock it could be to suddenly be in a situation where teenagers have to be driven everywherefor years. Especially if you have a substantial age gapthe 5yo will want to be being doing different things. How much time back are you going to get if you are going to have a massive commute to London once a week and then having to spend quite a bit of your free time being a taxi service? If you are already paying one set of IS fees and you have a nanny, surely you could look at cheaper alternatives to these things which would be less disruptive to the kids. London has the best state schools in the country. I don't think a nanny should be necessary if you cut back to working very part-timethere must be cheaper childcare options.

WowCrabby · 12/11/2018 01:05

We've moved a lot over the years both overseas and within the UK and I've always said that I think Cardiff would be a fantastic place to live. If I lived there I'm sure I'd still want a London trip every so often but other than that I think I'd love to live in Cardiff.

It's lively, fun and friendly. It's not big so you aren't going to get the things you can in London but that's to be expected.

If I has a decent budget I would love centrally as possible

BTW OP, We moved with our DC several times and they always settled well. I think it's mostly down to luck as to who is in their class when they go to school.

Cardiff is quite rainy though.

jacks11 · 12/11/2018 01:08

I think it depends if you are willing to consider a non-London lifestyle. If you absolutely want a London lifestyle, and nothing else will do, then I think the move will not work.

Cardiff is a smaller city and it is going to be very different. Not necessarily better or worse, just very different- it is "horses for courses" as they say. What works for others may not work for you.

I've not lived in Cardiff so can't really comment specifically on the city itself.

However, I lived in London for a year. I enjoyed it for what it was, but would not choose to live there long-term. I like to visit for short spells but that's about as far as it goes. I much preferred living in Edinburgh, loved it at the time and have many fond memories. I live rurally now and I don't think I'd ever want to move back to a city environment TBH. But there are many people for whom my lifestyle would be their idea of hell- neither of us would be wrong.

I have an acquaintance who moved up from London and spent most of the time pining for London. He could find little to like about anywhere that wasn't London and spent all his time looking for faults rather than positives. He never really gave it a chance, which was his prerogative (and I understand he wasn't particularly happy), but listening to him go on and on about London and how awful anywhere but London was did get a bit boring. And I have to say, he tended to get people's backs up with "well it's fine, but London has so many more/better ......(insert place/acitivity/restaurant etc)". And "well London is more multicultural, most people here are so parochial/small minded" etc did not help much either. He did move away (to Manchester) and I hear feels pretty much the same way about Manchester as he did about Edinburgh.

Of course, some places are more parochial than others and some have more ( or perhaps just more overt) racism than others- though I have to say that I came across a reasonable amount of both racism and small-mindedness in London/SE England so I don't think these traits are exclusive to "anywhere outside London". I do find it slightly insulting I have to say, but there you go.

What I'm trying to say, in a rather long-winded way, is that it is going to be very different and you are going to have to be prepared for that. If you are wedded to a London lifestyle and cannot see anything outside of that, then you do need to look at staying in London but living in a cheaper area if your health means a change in finances. Because moving with a mindset that "London is the be-all and end-all" will end up in disaster.

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/11/2018 01:16

My dm moved me from my friends who were all going to the secondary modern to a different area about 10 miles away and into a private school at the age of 11.

Hated every minute of it and much to my dms disgust wasn’t making friends with girls in my new school but was going back to my old area whenever I got the chance.

In the end didn’t fit in anywhere so as soon as I could I left.

Never been back.

Not seen my dm in decades

orangejuicer · 12/11/2018 01:22

Only you can decide OP but do please visit and spend time in Cardiff. Yes it's not London but neither is it parochial. It is a UK city with lots to offer.

Also worth bearing in mind that your DCs' interests are not likely to be the same as those of PP so having access to west end theatres may not be as big of an issue!

Btw Cardiff to Bristol commute is more like an hour so not unmanageable but 40 mins is your basic minimum (i.e not in rush hour.(

CartwheelCath · 12/11/2018 02:05

We m9ved from Oxford to Vale of Glamorgan. My kids were 13 11 and 8 at the time.
We loved our 3 years there. One of the friendliest places we have lived. 2 eldest were in board ing school but youngest went local. Settled fine and school very good at settling her in. She soon caughtvuo with Welsh which in reality at primary level wasn't very intensive.
We would move back given the option. I think south Wales has it all. Cardiff is a great city these days - not London but give me Cardiff over Oxford any day. Beaches and a beautiful coastline on your doorstep and hills and countryside a short drive away too.
We have moved quite a bit and I would say keep positive with the kids. Don't let them.see your doubts. Ive lived in some places i have hated but by keeping positive the kids didnt adopt my bad negative attitude towards the place.

MonsterTequila · 12/11/2018 03:47

I’ve found Lizzies replies quite rude also. With blanket statements that the welsh are small minded and racist Hmm just bizarre really.
OP I would look at Sully if I were you. You would need a car but it’s very lovely.
I’ve lived in Bristol for 7 years:- Frampton Cottrell, Clifton & Portishead. I would not go back to Clifton. & the city centre doesn’t have as much to offer as Cardiff, the shopping & nightlife are far better in Cardiff. Portishead is nice but out of the question for your commute. Penarth is quite similar to Portishead- has a Marina, small little ‘town’ & some very nice restaurants.
Politically speaking the Welsh always vote labour, not that it matters & everyone Ive met is very progressive. Cardiff itself is very multicultural, if it wasn’t for the road signs you wouldn’t really know you’re in Wales. & Plenty of Londoners move here.
It may not be London but there are other things to see and do:- places of natural beauty, castles, Merthyr Mawr Sand Dunes. & if you ever fancy a weekend away Tenby (west wales) has the most beautiful beaches.

igglypiggly · 12/11/2018 04:44

I'd be really worried about this move too OP. I live in London and absolutely love it but work in Cardiff frequently. It is an ok city, some nice things about it but awful weather and a very different proposition to London. I can see why people like it but I'm not sure that if you love London, it will be a very good move for you. I would definitely look at any other option you might have rather than uproot your family. Very hard to come back to London once you leave.

TableSalt · 12/11/2018 05:22

Don't do it, OP. It's well within your means to downsize within London, with your husband keeping his current job and you reducing hours. You would be mad to move to Wales for a slightly better job for your husband.

Deadbudgie · 12/11/2018 06:12

Blimey I’d move to Cardiff in a heart beat. We have friends in pontacanna and penarth. Both lovely. But then have worked in London the only thing I could imagine being worse than living in London would be raising kids there so we probably have different perspectives😁. Can DH commute for a while why you get to know the area? What do you and the kids like doing? That might influence where you buy

Oopupsideyourhead · 12/11/2018 06:38

Can I offer a welsh person living in England perspective?! I have family who live in Cardiff & I am welsh but have lived in the SE for 20 years (am possibly become a bit anglicised as a result)
I have tried to move back to wales to be closer to family a couple of times but when it came to the crunch, couldn’t do it.
Cardiff is OK but it’s not the nicest part of wales - parts of it aren’t that great and there are massive issues with school places in the decent areas like Radyr, Whitchurch etc. Cardiff High school is a great school but hugely oversubscribed.
Wales will be hit really hard by brexit too- it has had so much money from the EU & parts of South Wales are so deprived, they are some of the poorest in Europe.
I love visiting family but I don’t think I could live in Cardiff- it’s a funny place- very keeping up with the Joneses.
I lived in wales for the 1st 24 years of my life- went to uni there too- not sure I will ever go back though!

eurochick · 12/11/2018 06:39

If you don't want to go (I wouldn't) could your husband weekly commute to his new job?

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