AIBU to despair at my life with young children

[readysetcake]

I feel trapped! You can’t go anywhere without it turning into a major hassle. Crying, screaming, mountains of stuff, fear of forgetting snacks, over tired, miserable children. I feel the choice is to be a hermit, where I go out of my mind with the boring monotonous nature of it all, or face going to events and getting stressed out and fighting with DH and come home thinking what a shit miserable time we’ve had. I thought having kids was meant to be fun sometimes. When is it fun? Mine are 3 and almost 6 months.

Is this it now until they’re teenagers and fuck off out by themselves? Am I never to have an enjoyable day out unless I’m without my children?

Yep, I feel like life is on hold for the first 0-4 years and you can’t really properly ‘enjoy’ a lot of things eg holidays as it’s still absolute hard work

my eldest DC is 8 now and an absolute delight. I find the toddler years really frustrating!

I am almost in tears reading this. I nearly started this thread myself today (DC are 5 and 2) and I have been so stressed by the neediness/clingyness/whining etc all day. Plus of course the guilt for hating all the above.

I think some part of my subconscious still expects weekends to be restful and can’t deal with it when they of course never are.

Thank you everyone who has posted on here, I have been reading chunks out to DH to explain how I feel and I am so so so glad not to be alone. Thank fuck for MN.

One great tip for you OP. Never do housework or any “work” when kids are napping. It’s your time to chillax. Do housework when kids are running around. It sounds crazy, but that quiet “me” time is what will keep you sane!

It gets better once they hit their twenties

Seriously being put off having a second DC right now. I find one hard enough and miss my old life so terribly.

Mine are 3 and 21 months. The best days out we have are often the least planned. We are starting to have fun in amongst the screaming.

Mine are 5 and 3. They play really nicely together when I’m not in the room. If I’m
anywhere near them they start fighting, arguing and pestering me for stuff. So I go and hide in another room. I sometimes wonder what the point of me is.

Stick to the local country park, if you have one, (with some decent rainwear) until they get used to being out and about and their behaviour improves. If it all goes wrong you are close to home. Traffic jams and over stimulating events are never good at this age.

Reception age is utterly delightful. Hang on in there.

I hear you loud and clear! There is 3 years between my 2. Everything got so much better once the youngest got to about 3. No buggy, nappies, high chair, naps. She could communicate pretty well, went to nursery, travelled ok, didnt need naps. They are 7 and 10 now, so the teenage years havn’t hit yet!

These posts always depress me. There are plenty of infertile people who would trade places with you in an instant.

Why won’t my baby let me sleep. She has spent the last 3 hours trying to sleep on my head 😩😂

That's true Leobynature. And then a couple of weeks after the swap, they'd be the ones on here for reassurance that everyone finds some stages hard.

Apologies I wrote this here. I know it’s about taking the LO’s out but I’m sleep deprived and just had to write it somewhere. 😊

Sorry, that was to 7thGenerationGnome.

Just caught up reading all the messages in the thread. Thank you everyone who’s posted saying they found these years hard. It’s made me feel less guilty for really not enjoying some days.

I know that I should avoid events and we usually do and we can have fun then. But yesterday was an event thatvI wanted to to go to FOR ME really. Sometimes I just want to be able to do things that I would enjoy rather than always putting the kids first. While it was an event with things the eldest would like I fooled myself that it would be ok, when deep down I knew the shit would hit the fan. And it just pissed me off so much! I think I just get frustrated at this stage for this reason (and the boredom) and end up wishing the time away, which makes me sad as I’m already nostalgic over my eldests baby days. But thank fuck I’m not the only one!

7thGenerationGnome I know that there are so many people out there that would change places with me in an instant and I feel for them. But I agree with DNAwrangler* that they too would feel the same emotions as all the other parents if in their shoes. They may feel even more guilt over this because what they wished for so badly is hard and not enjoyable all the time. It’s important to talk about these things and on a parenting forum is a safe place to do that. I’ve been suffering with PND and I know it magnifies these issues, but if it wasn’t for MN and talking about this, and other things, I would probably be feeling like there is something wrong with me and I’m a defect parent for not cherishing every moment. So thanks MN for keeping me a bit more sane.

Apologies for typos. I’m on my phone and I find it impossible to post without my fat fingers fucking it up for me!

There's always one on the thread...

I agree with keeping it local and small scale. Spend a few hours out at the park/group. We also go early to places (if we do go out) and have lunch at 11.30 then leave whilst the going is still good. We don't bother holidaying abroad at the moment, just centre parcs or air b n B's a few hours drive away where we do similar stuff to home but near a beach! Mine are 5 months, 3 and 4.

These posts always depress me. There are plenty of infertile people who would trade places with you in an instant.

These posts always depress me. There’s always someone who wants to come on a thread full of people feeling tired, stressed and guilty and make them feel a bit shittier.

3yo and 7mo here. On the whole they are pretty good but I find the logistics of actually getting out of the house so stressful. Timing the baby's nap and feed so I won't get caught short with a screaming baby, making sure I have everything, telling 3yo to get her shoes on 15 million times, make sure she goes for a wee, get them both in car seats etc etc. It's just relentless. Sometimes I just think 'fuck this we'll just stay in. But then I hate the monotony of staying at home.

Roll on the end of the month when I go back to work part time!

I love toddlers I can't help it but the moaning and whinging still drives me to distraction. Don't know whether it's worse to deal with it outside or to stay in and have them drive you crazy indoors. And the amount of shit we carry about and have to do before we go out leaves me sweating and flustered as it is
That's DD 2.11 and at the other end of the scale I have DD11 going on 15 who's moaning, arguing and organising can be just as bad.

It gets easier and then poof! they're teenagers and it's tumbleweed.

I do realise it's so hard, but try to enjoy.