AIBU to despair at my life with young children

[readysetcake]

I feel trapped! You can’t go anywhere without it turning into a major hassle. Crying, screaming, mountains of stuff, fear of forgetting snacks, over tired, miserable children. I feel the choice is to be a hermit, where I go out of my mind with the boring monotonous nature of it all, or face going to events and getting stressed out and fighting with DH and come home thinking what a shit miserable time we’ve had. I thought having kids was meant to be fun sometimes. When is it fun? Mine are 3 and almost 6 months.

Is this it now until they’re teenagers and fuck off out by themselves? Am I never to have an enjoyable day out unless I’m without my children?

It won't last, you will have a window, the golden years (albeit) brief, before they become teens and are horrible in a different way. Beyond that at some stage they become fully formed human beings and may embark on their own procreation programme, at which point you may actually enjoy that, even if they don't! Hang on in there OP life will improve. I thought those experiences you are going through would never end, they seemed to go on forever, but end it does. Mine are now 28 and 32, and I look back at those early years in a half nostalgic way.

Also, there is no law against taking kids out in their pyjamas. My daughter bought her little boy a dinosaur suit, which he wore all the time for a few months, so she wasn't forever dressing and undressing him.

I found it got easier. I hated the early years. I did not enjoy them at all.
My DD is 9 now and it's great most of time. Still has the occasional (awful) tantrum and lot's of backchat. Some things I still hate.

You are not alone.

18 +years of hell. I live it every day but the days I can escape on my own are balm for the soul.

I hear you, OP. I am a SAHM at the moment and I feel like my life is one big cycle of negotiating with a threenager, cleaning up after a one year old while she tears my house to pieces, and putting out my back while dragging two children in and out of car seats. It's fucking relentless and exhausting. I know they say "you'll miss this stage when they're older!", and while it is special in some ways, I often think "will I really?"

I found it really tough when my DS1 was three. Hated it and couldn't cope. He's 4.5 now and still has his times of the day when I can't reach him and he's just like a wild animal. It's tough. I'm with you.

Mine are 10,9 and 7.The 7 year old is stuck in the toddler stage,He just has no cop on.The other 2 have their moments but at least behave[most of the time]

I only started liking my children when they were 6yo and 4yo. Before that it felt like a prison sentence. Now they are 6yo and 7.5yo and I love them dearly. It does get better :)

Oh I’m so glad I’m not alone in feeling like this. I’ve got an 19 month old and a 6 month old and life is just so hard. Logistically, physically and emotionally very hard. I feel guilty too.

Going to work is like going on a spa break or something. And I’m a TA at a primary school so that says it all!

It gets easier and then they turn into teens and that's a whole new level of hard

Stop Going To Events!

The only thing that saved me was to do fuck all outside the house except playgrounds.

Actually we still do fuck all outside the house except playgrounds.

Some parents are great at it. They swan around museums and fun parks exuding patience and serenity and FUN! (These are often the parents who actually enjoy baking and crafting with their kids)

I turn into a harridan, barking orders and becoming increasingly red faced and sweaty and unpleasant.

I just give all "events" a swerve. I reason that they don't remember much before 5 anyway!

I find having regular things during the week to go to helpful- staying at home makes it worst as I feel stuck, moving from changing a nappy to feeding to changing nappy to feeding.

Also with partner on weekends I find the first few times we do an outing the most stressful. Once we’ve done it a few times we know what to take, what bits to miss out and where we can sit down and watch the kids play and have a few minutes to ourselves.

What sort of things are you taking the kids to? Maybe that could be worth changing.

As for when it gets fun- I do a lot of ‘just get through this it will be easier when they’re older’ but I kinda hate that, wish I enjoyed it more now but it’s hard work. Our six month old has just started to sleep a bit more and that helps with everything. Maybe that’s coming soon for you!

Good luck.

I found it hard to enjoy the dc until they were 4 or 5, then you have a window of about 6 years before the shit really hits the fan. Mine are now 14 and 11 and its a whole level of expense, late nights, exam stress and drama.

Hear you on this! I have a 5 week old and 17 month old.

We've got an almost 4 year old DS who is great to take places, enjoys everything, is really easy and good company. Then there is DD 19 months who appears to run the house at the minute. We know it'll be better in 2 years time

It does get better. It really does. Just think, every day your kids are a little bit older and more independent. DS is nearly four and he says the funniest things these days - I’d say life with him these days is fun interspersed with frustration and frankly quite a bit of boredom!

I think your own approach to it all makes a difference too. I have a 2.5 year old and yes he can be a nightmare sometimes with tantrums over the tiniest things, but in general it's ok. We still enjoy events, going to the park, etc. Just take a light-hearted approach to it all. Give yourself extra time to leave the house and then roll with it. Life is easier when you're laid back about these things.

Mine are almost 1 and almost 3 and it's exactly the same. It's constantly being on edge trying to keep them happy and either trying to get them to sleep or stop them sleeping so as not to ruin bedtime.

Mine are 4 and 2. We’ve pretty much given up on proper parenting now. We just chuck them in the car and go wherever we want to go (it helps that we love nt try or places). If we need something (food or whatever) we just buy it whenever. Fuck packing carrot sticks they don’t end up eating anyway.

Go back to work. I love my kids so much more since returning :)

I think it just depends on your kid as well and how they respond. We have an 18 month old and she doesn't really do tantrums except:

1. When she decides something is 'hers' and that you're using it
2. When you try and take her out of a swing in the park

Ugh, I know what you mean, I have a 1 year old and it all feels like a hard slog. Heading back to work soon and can't wait! I don't enjoy it really and won't be putting myself through it again (but obviously love the child I have)

I’m struggling a bit with my toddler at the moment, he’s 21 months and has started to smack and throw things to get a reaction 🙄 However my other two children are 12 and 10 and I am enjoying him much more than I did with two toddlers 17 months apart 🙈🤣

Totally empathise OP. Just turned 3 year old and a 6-month old. They both have proper flu at the moment. It’s exhausting!! I miss myself...I mean my old self 🍰🍫🍰🍫

I have a 5 year old and 3.5 year old twins, all boys.

They spend a large proportion of the day trying to kill each other in various ways and the rest of the time rambling around me needing food/the answers to ALL the questions/my undivided attention.

DH was working today and it was raining mostly all day. We barely survived until 6.

For us, the key is getting out to places where they can run wild and free; beaches, woods , parks, playgrounds. Waterproofs and wellies, a million layers of clothing and we’re good to go.

It’s utterly relentless and exhausting. I can only hope it might get easier when the small pair are a bit older.

I’m delighted to go to work every day!