AIBU to despair at my life with young children

[readysetcake]

I feel trapped! You can’t go anywhere without it turning into a major hassle. Crying, screaming, mountains of stuff, fear of forgetting snacks, over tired, miserable children. I feel the choice is to be a hermit, where I go out of my mind with the boring monotonous nature of it all, or face going to events and getting stressed out and fighting with DH and come home thinking what a shit miserable time we’ve had. I thought having kids was meant to be fun sometimes. When is it fun? Mine are 3 and almost 6 months.

Is this it now until they’re teenagers and fuck off out by themselves? Am I never to have an enjoyable day out unless I’m without my children?

Lots of good advice here. Definitely lower your expectations and don’t waste time and money on family experiences (theme parks, museums, theatre) until at least age 5.
Trips to park, woods, beach, soft play are absolutely fine.
Keep the change bag stocked with spare clothes and snacks and wear them out physically in the morning.

I spent a lot of time avoiding places with my ds when he was younger (dd was much easier to take out) tried to go shopping without him as much as possible, he is now nearly 6, way easier to manage and way more fun. It gets easier

I've already instructed my 7 and 5 year old that they owe me BIG time in dinners and wine when they are older.

They haven't a clue what I am on about but I think start cementing these things into the subconscious young..

I felt like this when mine were little. Probably up until my youngest was two. I've got a two year age gap.

It's easier now they're 3 and 5. They can do most things themselves (but God do they like to moan when I ask them to do it!), and entertainment each other. No more nappies. No more pushchair. No more having to lug around a giant bag full of all their stuff. My house is no longer filled with giant plastic tat, it's smaller plastic tat that I can tidy away at the end of the day now.

They're still a bit annoying though. My 5 YO moans about everything that isn't doing what he wants, he talks incessantly and my 3 YO has a thing of asking why to bloody everything anyone says to him.

I know people say 'enjoy them' but there is nothing enjoyable about tantrums or whining.
I love 10 year olds and new borns every other age has been taxing!

Yes, it's awful. And in my experience, it doesn't improve. I have been alone with a 3 and 6 year old all of today and have loathed literally every single minute. They whine and whinge incessantly and if they aren't then they are fighting. They are frankly horrible creatures and the thought of them turning into teenagers is enough to make me emigrate. I can not wait until Monday so I can go back to work but am already dreading the prospect of next weekend.
Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear!

I've got a 3yo and a 20mo. When we actually get out of the house they are normally ok we have a nice time at shops, farm, swimming etc. But in the house they drive me up the wall! They constantly wind each other up. Then getting ready to go out to awful too!😩 waiting for the time when it gets a bit easier!

4 weeks and 2 years here. Currently loving it but a bit worried about 1 and 3, and terrified of 2 and 4!

Hang nice in there ❤️

Nice?! ON! Thanks autocorrect

I felt like that today. Really resentful too as DH is away for most of the weekend doing his hobby while I’m stuck at home all weekend with a whingy, teething almost 14 month old who is waking several times at night.

Don't expect joyful days out. Lower your expectations. Be realistic. Aim for joyful hours out. Yes, your social life is diminished in numerous ways by having very young children but try not to suck the joy out of these years. It will go by in a flash and when they are teenagers you will not even be able to remember what they were like as babies and toddlers. So be mindful, make the most of what you've got.

I sympathise OP mine are 8 and 6 and it's soooo much easier now

Oh how I love threads like these. Makes me feel normal again. I’m so grateful for my children but bloody hell, surely it’s got to be the toughest job in the world.
I love people’s honesty on here, it’s brilliant and so helpful in knowing we are not alone in the madness. It always baffles me though the pressure we put on ourselves to smile through gritted teeth as though we are loving every single second and of course never once feel like hiding in the bath with a barrel of wine.
One toddler can outsmart two supposedly intelligent parents. Maybe our toddlers should read the parenting books, cuz quite frankly I think most of us have tried and just become more baffled.

Yeah I have an 18 month old and it's hard work. Even doing the smallest thing can take loads of effort. Left the hairbrush upstairs? Can't just leave the toddler unattended plus he will want to come too. But he wants to climb the stairs himself, and shut the stair gate then get distracted by a toy and whinge if you part him and his toy, then wants to climb down the stairs himself. A 15 second job turns into 15 minutes. The days when they just moan and whinge all day for no apparent reason are really tough.

6 month old, 7 year old and 12 year old here. The baby is by far the easiest. We recently abandoned a day out (activities chosen by them) because the older two argued constantly and if had enough after an hour

Mine is almost 2 and he’s great fun! I think it depends on the child and it must just be easier with one!? He just does everything we do, meals and shopping and holidays etc... think I’ve been lulled in to a false sense of security?! I’m second guessing trying for number two because of all these tales... one seems so much easier! Am I letting myself in for hell?!

Honestly these sorts of threads completely put me off having kids. It just sounds so thankless and awful!

I saw a woman abandon her trolley of shopping at Sainsbury's today because her 2 dc were not listening to her and throwing tantrums. She picked them up like a firefighter and marched out of the store. I was dithering about helping her but she seemed like she was used to it and was not flustered at all.

It gets easier once your older child starts school. A bit more easier when the younger one goes to nursery. A LOT better when the younger starts school.

Until then, hang in there. Try to find some “me” time in the evenings. I feel for you. Trust me, it WILL get better. Hugs

Crimson, it can also be absolutely amazing. However, I found it very hard at first and (personally) feel that if we can be open about how difficult it can be then it makes you feel less shit if you are struggling.

Amanduh, I love having two but it takes a huge amount of time and effort refereeing them. I say this as someone whose children get on very well!

It's basically like being held hostage.

Mine are 8 and 10...I hear lots of other mums say it gets easier and they've got their life back but I can't see how you can until they get to an age where they no longer need childcare/babysitters.

I hear you OP. DS is 13 months. I thought he might be sleeping through or at least better by now, but no. I'm exhausted. Because DS will only settle with breastfeeding it's all on me and because DH's snoring is so loud it wakes me and DS we haven't slept in the same room since DS was about a month old. I resent so much the fact that I am the only one who can get DS back to sleep.

I am really enjoying being back at work but have agreed to stick to 3 days, which kind of breaks my heart but I know I am lucky that we can afford it. No way DH could go part time as he earns a lot more than me. I get so fed up with DH coming home and being off with me and by the time I finally drag it out of him that the state of the house is making him feel 'on edge' DS has woken up for the first time and I need to go and settle him. He has never had DS on his own all day and has no idea how impossible it is to keep the place tidy while DS is around.

Honestly, I never enjoyed my commute to work before but now I love it. I have read 6 books and I've only been back a month. And at work I get to drink hot tea and go to the toilet alone!

This has been me for the last two weeks. DD turned 3 two weeks ago.

I cried today because of those exact reasons you gave.