I'm sad about this but been told I'm being ungrateful

[Carveitup]

I keep pet birds, and currently have some quite unusual and exotic birds in an aviary which has a lockable house inside it. They are not very old, and still need a bit of protection so they spend the day in the run and on a night they are locked in their house. I have been recuperating from surgery this week and my mum came to help out. She's been putting the birds to bed each night. Over the course of the week 2 of the birds have been killed in their run by a predator. The house is predator-proof, the run is not as it is too big but it is generally safe during the day. My DD opens the house each morning but while we were discussing how on earth they could have been killed as the birds have been in their house overnight, DD said that the house had actually been open every morning this week and she thought my mum had opened it. When I asked my mum about it she said she hadn't opened the door, but she hadn't been closing it properly and locking it either. She thought I was over-exaggerating about the predator risk and also the door was a bit sticky so she thought it wasn't normally closed.

The relationship between me and my mum is a difficult one, so I didn't say anything because I knew anything at all that I said at this point would be wrong. However she's accused me of being ungrateful for her help out while I was out of action, and pointed out that birds generally don't (in her opinion) live long in my care. We do lose the odd bird or chick to predators which is not unusual when you free range birds and my birds do usually free range during daylight hours. Most of my birds live a natural life span, we have several very ancient chickens atm.

I've been told 'it's not like someone didn't shut your pet dog away resulting in it being killed. They are only birds.' But I'm upset about it, and DD is devastated. We'd had them since they were newly hatched and they are apparently fragile chicks and difficult to raise, but they were nearly half adult size and growing really well. Because of the breed they are I won't be able to replace the lost birds until next summer. AIBU to be upset about my dead birds?

@carveitup this is now twice that your mother's actions have resulted in some of your birds being killed. In your position I'd be driving myself nuts trying to figure out whether it was deliberate or not either way I think you have to assume that it's not safe to let her near them unattended.

How's your relationship otherwise?

If someone made a habit of killing my pets I would wonder if in some part of their mind the pet was a proxy for me
I would wonder if they were hiding murderous intentions towards me

I think it's also significant that she is killing your pets whilst you're ill
it seems like kicking you when you're down
reminding you of death when you're ill
When you start to join the dots it looks very disturbing

Well that would be the last time I let her anywhere near my house and pets. I would also be seriously rethinking what kind of person she is. Selfish and callous in the very least.
I hope you feel better soon.
If you need help again consider asking a professional or enquire of local vets/farmer/fancier if they can help out.

YANBU, I think your mum's behaviour is disrespectful and cruel.

Birds fly to find food, find shelter, find a mate, to migrate or to avoid a predator, the OP is trying to protect her young birds from harm and no doubt providing food and shelter until they are old enough to do these things for themselves.

Leapfrop44...yet another one who hasn't RTFT!

I am so sorry about your birds OP, I know how upsetting it is. They are not "only birds." My mum's friend was supposed be looking after my budgie when I was away recently and she didn't feed him, he died the day I got back and I was heartbroken. I still keep a picture of my previous budgie by my bed, he died 6 years ago and I still miss him every day. I'm not well enough to have a dog and for me, a pet is a pet and I love them dearly. To people who make comments about cruelty; I disagree that keeping a pet budgie is cruel. Mine have all been able to fly about the house as they please and have only been shut in a cage at night for their own safety. They have all been warm, safe, loved, received treatment from vets when they've been ill and have never had to face the struggles that wild birds do.

chocolatebox1 but they naturally live in (huge) flocks - just one on its own - I can't possibly imagine they're content. I thnk keeping a bird in a tiny cage (even if just at night) for one's own amusement or because it looks pretty or whatever is just so cruel.

@Flyinggeese

I suppose it's equally cruel to keep any animal whatsoever, because none of our animals live "naturally". Hamsters shouldn't be kept in cages, fish not in tanks, cats not in houses, turtles not in pens, horses not in fields ad infinitum?

Cats are supposed to live in territories that are miles across - "naturally" I guess everyone who keeps one of those is inhumane as well? After all, we keep them for our own pleasure and because they look pretty...

If you want to talk about the personification of evil, look at dog breeders who selectively mutate an entire sub-species so that the majority of them can't even breathe properly from birth. Looking at you, pugs. Or have endemic health issues like hip dysplasia and shortened lifespans. At least the birds are healthy.

Also completely apprecaite that the birds the OP is referring to have different needs / behaviours so some of the comments on here are not applicable (e.g. 'soaring').

Sethis absolutley hamsters should not be kept in cages / as pets IMO. Nor rabbits, nor turtles in small tanks in people's homes. Spot on. I think all of those are inhumane.

Agree also on the brachycephalic breeding etc with dogs.

so sorry for your feathered friends.
had many birds at one time.our guineas,swans.geese and exotic chickens had nurseries too.i get it.after adulthood they were free range.
my imron gander saved my life one night.came over the fences to run off a rapest we had in the area.he had knocked me to the ground and was punching me.his wounds identified him and roger the goose was lauded by the neighbors.
our guineas would move thier roosts to the back of our truck every night.had to get up early to relocate them back to the treed area.

now, where i live we can't have them.i do have 2 murders of crows who great me every morning,they watch for me from 1/2 a mile away.
and 6 wooddoves who come every evening. there are wrens and finches,jays,bluebirds calling and singing all day.and everynight the fooish whipperwills call from their ground nests.every winter a swallowtail kite arrives for his vacation.and shortly thousands of robins will descend on us for a week or so before moving further south for winter.in the spring they will stop by on thier way home.

wild or semi domesticated ,predator or frail we protect them as best we can.they are a special lesson for our children.some who never see wild creatures otherwise.we also put up bathouses,a safe place for them and keeps them from moving into attics.

a cat who moved in recently learned the hard way about messing with the crows and later a huge red shoulder hawk.the cat is fine but he watches the sky and doesn't climb trees anymore.

@leapfrog44

Read. The. Fucking. Thread.

The OP has said MANY times the young birds are kept in an aviary by day and a secure run overnight until they are well grown enough to be safe from predators - and once they are grown enough they free range.

@flyinggeese

What do you think birds do at night that means a cage is cruel? Plus, nice use of emotive wording there. A secure house is not the same as a tiny cage.... but you know that don't you.

Hint - they mostly hunker down and sleep. And many birds (such as chickens) simply don't move once it goes dark - they will sit tight and be killed by predators. So at night us loving owners shut them in a house (which they choose to go into as they know it is warm, safe and dry), and then let them range free during the day when they are (relatively) safe from predators.

I agree that keeping parrots / budgies etc in captivity (usually in a small cage) is cruel - but this is NOT the same situation.

I think there are two points to consider here. Your birds are very important to you, people may not understand that but they don't need to. All they need to know they are. It gets me annoyed when people think everyone should have certain likes in a certain order. Secondly I think you may need to ease up on your Mum. I am sure she may feel guilty for what happened and now feels like you are blaming her, when all she tried to do was help. Things are said when people feel under pressure ( you from your loss and your mum from guilty and being blames) which may not be true or kind.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I'd be fuming. Taking a peek inside the incubator?! It seems that she wants to harm your birds intentionally. I'd think that everybody knows the role of an incubator and wouldn't go to open one "to take a peek" and not close it back properly

What do you think birds do at night that means a cage is cruel?

Exactly. Thry like it! Some of my in-laws farm poultry, free range, and they talk about having to go in and gently encourage the chickens to go out in the morning because they have to be X number of hours out of the coop to count as free range, but they tend to want to huddle and stay in in the mornings I know how they feel

TheViceOfReason I think we're at crossed purposes - I was commenting on the budgie in a cage not the OPs animals. I did reference the poster I was replying to (chocolatebox1) but forgot the @ or bold.

toomuchtooold I'm talking about budgerigars not poultry.

Anyway - this is a derail so I'm sorry.

No YANBU.

Does she often have a problem apologising? She sounds like my DM, who always thinks she knows best, and will drag herself through all sorts of contortions to avoid actually saying sorry and accepting blame for something.

Wow, I do wish all the anti-pet-bird folk would actually read the OP and her subsequent posts carefully before piling on. These are ground fowl, they can fly but don't 'soar through the skies'! They roost for safety when they're mature. They are in an outdoor aviary/run for their own safety while they're immature. They then presumably just roost there at night, also for their own safety. Or would you rather they get snapped up by foxes at night?

OP wasn't posting in order to trigger a 'you can't keep birds, it's not faiiiiir!' debate.

I mean. Did a animal rights klaxon sound somewhere?

Most birds don't soar in the sky either. Budgies and song birds wouldn't last too long in the real world if they did that. Flap branch to branch trying not to get eaten is more likely.