I'm sad about this but been told I'm being ungrateful

[Carveitup]

I keep pet birds, and currently have some quite unusual and exotic birds in an aviary which has a lockable house inside it. They are not very old, and still need a bit of protection so they spend the day in the run and on a night they are locked in their house. I have been recuperating from surgery this week and my mum came to help out. She's been putting the birds to bed each night. Over the course of the week 2 of the birds have been killed in their run by a predator. The house is predator-proof, the run is not as it is too big but it is generally safe during the day. My DD opens the house each morning but while we were discussing how on earth they could have been killed as the birds have been in their house overnight, DD said that the house had actually been open every morning this week and she thought my mum had opened it. When I asked my mum about it she said she hadn't opened the door, but she hadn't been closing it properly and locking it either. She thought I was over-exaggerating about the predator risk and also the door was a bit sticky so she thought it wasn't normally closed.

The relationship between me and my mum is a difficult one, so I didn't say anything because I knew anything at all that I said at this point would be wrong. However she's accused me of being ungrateful for her help out while I was out of action, and pointed out that birds generally don't (in her opinion) live long in my care. We do lose the odd bird or chick to predators which is not unusual when you free range birds and my birds do usually free range during daylight hours. Most of my birds live a natural life span, we have several very ancient chickens atm.

I've been told 'it's not like someone didn't shut your pet dog away resulting in it being killed. They are only birds.' But I'm upset about it, and DD is devastated. We'd had them since they were newly hatched and they are apparently fragile chicks and difficult to raise, but they were nearly half adult size and growing really well. Because of the breed they are I won't be able to replace the lost birds until next summer. AIBU to be upset about my dead birds?

Be cautious of anyone that allows harm to befall your animals, its often a red flag. Twice in one week seems extreme.

I’m so sorry for your loss. They certainly aren’t “only birds”—they are little creatures that were relying on your mum’s diligence to keep them safe. How heartbreaking and if I were in your position I would have lost my shit so you must have wonderful restraint not to say anything! If the job had been done properly I’m sure you would have been grateful but she half-assed it and is making excuses for her neglect which resulted in your pets’ death. I mean, how can your mum possibly be anything but massively apologetic???

I am terrified of these things (trying not to trigger OP's trigger word!) but honestly, it's crueler having immature birds, or indeed animals generally, wandering about willy nilly when they're particuarly vulnerable to predators or could get themselves into bother. OP has said on a number of occasions they will be allowed to roam eventually but they're too little atm to go awol.

Lesson learned, OP. At least you know you can't rely on her in the future. YANBU.

Your mother hasn’t followed the correct procedures and now 2 of your birds are dead. You are not being unreasonable. How insensitive of her. Forgetting to put the bin out for you is fine but living animals are a responsibility she should have taken more seriously.

I would explain to her you are upset about the birds dying and that you appreciate her help.

X

How odd, I was just talking about something similar. I would be very upset. Your Mother is being uncaring and horrid.

It's no different than leaving a kitten or puppy out. They are young animals under your care and protection and by proxy, her responsibility. Aside from insects, there's no such thing as them being 'just.... ".

I think it's a shame that they've disappeared from our Woodlands. My local Country Park used to have them, but they were purposely hunted by lads with dogs. I would see them regularly when growing up.

Hopefully you've got a male and two females. It saves on any fighting between males. Do you have someone who can take the males if that becomes an issue when you've raised more?

I cannot understand anyone who thinks it’s okay to cage birds. It just seems so wrong.

Have you even read OP’s replies?

So sorry for your loss and I think your Mum has quite a strange attitude over this. I certainly wouldn't trust her with the care of any animals/pets in future. And I would ignore the comments about you keeping animals in an aviary - they are unhelpful in the circumstances.

You can be upset about them,,but not blame your Mum.That is hell of a responsibility to put on her.I personally hate looking after peoples animals/I looked after someones rabbit and guinea pig once.They were fine untill the last day,when I found them both dead in their hutch.WHY? I did nothing wrong.It was awful.I would never do it again

A feral version of the bird-that-shall-not-be-named turned up in my parents village as a juvenile. Turned out to be a he. My parents really like him and he's made an outbuilding of theirs his roost, but at certain times of year he is veeeeeery noisy and quite destructive to plants, to the point that actual death threats have been made on the community social media

It's so sad to lose any pet , I feel for you ! I get very cross when people insist "they're only animals " and don't appreciate how you love and care for them . I certainly wouldn't ask her again .

Ffs, they are peafowl, not eagles! Peafowl don’t ‘soar’ miles, they roam around a small area.

Yanbu. If she can’t handle the responsibility she shouldn’t agree to do it. She’s a grown woman and it’s very uncaring to just dismiss your sadness over the deaths of your birds. And to anyone still banging on about birds in cages. Rtft.

I am shocked to read about your mother's attitude - she did not care for the animals properly so they get killed and then she complains to you ? Have I really read this correctly ?

Very sorry for your loss

YADNBU

Sorry for your loss. It's a big responsibility taking care of someone else's animals but, as other people have said, she should be apologising to you for her negligence. If she's generally like this, I'd be looking to distance myself personally.

Nesssie you made me laugh - I'm just imagining them soaring across plains and mountains.

OP - I'd go absolutely ballistic! If someone asks you to do something and gives you exact instructions, then you either do it the way they've asked you or you say no. You don't decide you know better and do it your own sweet way.

You are most definitely NBU!!!

And now she couldn't give a stuff that she's responsible for them being predated! She sounds horrible, no wonder you've not got a great relationship with her.

My father's like this. It's his way or no way because he knows better than anyone, so I'm very low contact with him as it's the easiest and least stressful solution.

I'm so sorry you've lost your beautiful birds.

Don't have her looking after any pet ever again OP.She has shown she cant be trusted.

onalongsabbatical I echo what you said. What a lovely way to put it and keep peace.

I just love peafowl. Sorry two of your birds died. Yanbu

Im so sorry, just because they are birds doesnt mean you love them less than other pets. I had budgies all my life and they are bloody brilliant pets.

I think your mum owes you an apology rather than trying to play it down

What I think is sad about all of this is that you had to return home after surgery to all this. Your daughter is upset too. Instead of apologising and showing any remorse at all your mother turns it around on you. YANBU. I am sorry for your loss of a pet by the sheer carelessness of your mother refusing to follow your instructions and also I wish you a speedy recovery from your surgery.

I feel sorry for your loss but really don’t like to see birds in a cage

Lock your pets up yourself. Problem solved!

YADNBU
It is hurtful when people dismiss love for animals. When you love a pet, you have cared for it, been loved and had companionship back and have a deep emotional attachment to them. It always hurts when they are ill or die. I am sorry about your birds - that must be a horrible thing to happen.