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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by ex and new girlfriend?

86 replies

Twattyex · 10/11/2018 14:05

DS went to his best friends birthday party today, I couldn’t take him because my youngest is ill, so asked ex to take him. He agreed, the party started at 1pm, and I just got a text from one of the mums at the party saying that he brought his girlfriend of 5 months. I don’t understand why she’s there, the party is only for 3 hours and is one of those where you have to stay with your child, so they’re all there. And I didn’t know he had a girlfriend until one day he picked DS up from school and DS came home and told me daddy got a new “friend”, so confronted ex and that’s when he told me he met someone, and he’s only known her for couple of weeks when I confronted him. He met her just before the summer holidays.

Feeling pretty shit tbh.

OP posts:
Isthereeveranexcuse · 10/11/2018 14:06

I'm sorry you're upset but why wouldn't he take her?

CandyCreeper · 10/11/2018 14:07

cant see the problem?

Unicornandbows · 10/11/2018 14:09

Don't see the issue...

User97532468 · 10/11/2018 14:09

It must be very hard but YABU. If he was spending time with his GF but you asked him to take DS then why wouldn’t he take her along. I can understand you being upset but he hasn’t done anything wrong

LL83 · 10/11/2018 14:11

I would be annoyed too. But it is unreasonable.

If it was a last min arrangement due to youngest being ill then he may have already had plans so had to ask if she would like to join.

As hard as it is I would rather ex had a girlfriend who would come along to party than one who would be annoyed at plans changing.

Original poster
Twattyex · 10/11/2018 14:11

It has always bothered me that he introduced his girlfriend to DS within weeks of meeting her, and that he just picked DS up from school while she sat in the car. Never really got over that.

OP posts:
Isthereeveranexcuse · 10/11/2018 14:13

I'm really really sorry but I don't see the issue with him picking DS up with her in car?

headinhands · 10/11/2018 14:15

Oh dear lord please don't make your ds feel awkward because you aren't happy about it. What's with all the 'confronting'? Dial it down for the sake of your son.

CandyCreeper · 10/11/2018 14:16

your clearly not over him, thats your issue.
dont bring your son into it

abbsisspartacus · 10/11/2018 14:17

I get it, my ex likes to play happy families with his girlfriend and our children unfortunately for them she has lost hers to social services and is deemed unfit to be around our children so he dumped her now my kids spend quality time with nanny on contact days and he makes phone calls or takes a nap

Original poster
Twattyex · 10/11/2018 14:18

Exactly. I'll admit everything is raw at the moment, and it doesn't help him playing happy families with her.

OP posts:
EleanorShellstropper · 10/11/2018 14:19

Surely her staying in the car for a school pick up was either logistics or a mark of respect?

I completely understand why you'd feel upset about the party, but if it were me I'd also know I was being unreasonable to feel that way. Perhaps next time, if a similar thing happens you could ask him to have the ill child so you can still go and socialise with the other mums at the party?

MsVestibule · 10/11/2018 14:20

I know emotions run high after a separation, but introducing a new GF/BF after knowing them for a few weeks isn't unusual at all. And taking her to a kids party isn't bad - presumably it would have been worse if he'd said 'sorry, can't take him, I've made plans with my GF'? TBH, it shows her in a good light - no way would I have gone to a kids party if I didn't absolutely have to!

Why are you 'confronting' him? It sounds a bit aggressive.

funinthesun18 · 10/11/2018 14:26

The other mum shouldn’t be shit stirring. I can just her imagine her rushing to tell you as soon as they walked through the door.

RightOcciputAnterior · 10/11/2018 14:31

You are coming across very badly here. Your ex doesn't appear to have done anything wrong. Surely it's a good thing that his partner is interested in his kids and is keen to encourage him to have a relationship with those kids, and furthermore seems to want a relationship with them herself? It sounds like you're not over your ex. If you keep feeling so bitter and negative about his new partner, your kids will pick up on it and it'll make them unsettled and confused. For the sake of your children you need to get your head straight about him moving on.

And yes, the mum at the party comes across as a shit-stirrer.

happypoobum · 10/11/2018 14:34

I don't understand what the ex or his gf have done wrong here tbh.

Are you still in love with him? Have you had any counselling? I found it really helpful.

As a child brought up in a situation like this, my advice is not to let DS know that you are remotely bothered by the GF. Don't ask questions about her or say anything negative about her, her relationship with your ex, or her involvement in DS life. It will come back to bite you in the bum.

Petalflowers · 10/11/2018 14:35

Maybe the friends mother mentioned the gf as she wasn’t expecting an extra guest, or so it wasn’t seen that she wasn’t taking ‘sides’ by allowing her to stay (if that makes sense).

You don’t say how long you have been separated. Is it recent or not?

I agree with the others that’s it’s better that ex has changed his plans to take dc to the party then not.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 10/11/2018 14:35

Why did someone text you to tell you the GF was there? That's really stirring imo. Watch out for that person.

MrsStrowman · 10/11/2018 14:36

He's been with her a few months now, (for me introducing them after a couple of weeks was a bit quick but each to their own) it was a late change of plans I don't think they've done anything wrng and it does seem better she's ok with those environments and schedule changes than a bit of a princess who wants everything about her and sulks when the DC have to come first. This sounds a lot more like you not being over him than anything to do with the DCs

Karwomannghia · 10/11/2018 14:37

The woman shouldn’t have told you- none of her business. Sounds like you’re still understsndably upset by it all, but it doesn’t mean that bringing her along is not ok. They’ve been together a while, your ds knows her, it’s fine, just not something you were expecting.

SummerGems · 10/11/2018 14:38

Yabu.

So he has a new gf. And....? Five months is perfectly reasonable for him to have his gf spend time with him and his DC.

As for his introducing her soon, I’m pretty meh about that tbh. Yes, in an ideal world someone might wait longer, but in truth the relationship will either last or it won’t. As long as he’s not introduced a string of gf’s I don’t see the issue.

You on the other hand come across as bitter and twisted and it will gain you nothing.

RyderWhiteSwan · 10/11/2018 14:40

I went through similar, when my DC were young, so I do understand but you need to let go and accept he has moved on. Yep party mum was shit stirring. Your response to any further info like this is "really? How nice!" even if you feel crap about it.

SaucyJack · 10/11/2018 14:43

I feel for you, but YABU and you know it.

He’s moved on, and you confronting him about it ain’t gonna change a thing. You need to accept that she’s a part of his and your children’s lives now- whether you like it or now.

It’s shit for you tho Flowers

KC225 · 10/11/2018 14:44

I would expect a text from a friend, saying XYZ is at the party. Why the woman is being called a 'shit stirrer' is beyond me.

MrsDylanBlue · 10/11/2018 14:45

If you are a wise lady you will be nice as pie about it and to her - even if it kills you.

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