To be annoyed by ex and new girlfriend?

[Twattyex]

DS went to his best friends birthday party today, I couldn’t take him because my youngest is ill, so asked ex to take him. He agreed, the party started at 1pm, and I just got a text from one of the mums at the party saying that he brought his girlfriend of 5 months. I don’t understand why she’s there, the party is only for 3 hours and is one of those where you have to stay with your child, so they’re all there. And I didn’t know he had a girlfriend until one day he picked DS up from school and DS came home and told me daddy got a new “friend”, so confronted ex and that’s when he told me he met someone, and he’s only known her for couple of weeks when I confronted him. He met her just before the summer holidays.

Feeling pretty shit tbh.

Did you read where I said if I met her at handover I would speak? I'm not going to do some kind of sit down meeting where she thinks she's going to interview me as to my fitness to be around her children. That's a load of balls. If my boyfriend thinks I'm good enough, I am good enough.

I would be raging if my ex thought he was going to sit my boyfriend down and "confront" him or interview him - if I'm good enough to rear my children, then I'm good enough to make that decision as to who they meet and be around. And it is none of his business.

If they meet in passing, that's a different thing. But some kind of set up meeting? No. Because I don't see what it's for, I wouldn't be making any changes if my ex didn't like my boyfriend or think he was appropriate in some way, so it's a waste of time and has the potential to cause irritation.

I have kids.

I just personally wouldn’t want my son staying somewhere with someone I don’t know even though his dad was there but his dad feels the same way. Someone being so evasive would be a red flag to me.

We’re all different though. It’s not about confronting though :s

@Isthereeveranexcuse I agree. Set up meeting is weird, it should come natural. Like during pickup/drop offs

Isthereeveranexcuse Sat 10-Nov-18 18:07:11
My bf has his child all the time.

If she wanted to meet me, I would say no to an arranged meeting. If we met at a handover or similar, I would stay out of her way as much as possible. At the moment that isn't an issue, due to her circumstances but it will change at some point in the future.

You are the one who used the word confront, and you are the one who said you have asked to meet his girlfriend and he refused and did a face. Why? Why can't it happen naturally?

Note I said if we meet at a handover I will stay out of her way as much as possible - so I would be polite but not make myself speak to her overmuch - in essence I would be civil but that's it.

He's been with her 5 months that is all. Why should he introduce her to your son. It's so confusing to children they don't know each other properly yet so they shouldn't be introduced to a new partner after 5 months

unfortunately you cant dictate to anyone how soon they introduce a new partner.

What candy said. You can’t dictate how soon someone introduces a new partner.

You're right, you can't dictate how soon someone introduces a partner, but it would be nice if people were a bit more considerate.
Why the hell would anyone introduce a partner quickly, when they have no idea if they are serious or not? Why do that to your kids? I cannot get my head around it.

OP I don't know why you're getting such a hard time on here. Perhaps AIBU wasn't the best place to post.

I think this just really resonates with me. My DS's Dad spends minimal time with him, and often chooses to share that time with whichever woman is currently on the scene. It has had a real effect on our DS, and has been an ongoing struggle. EX couldn't give two hoots about it.
Introducing partners should be done slowly and respectfully. I know how frustrating it can be. I've had one relationship in the 7 years since we split, and have no intention on any more, because I am trying to provide some stability for my son.

Exactly, I don’t know why anyone would introduce someone to their child unless they had been together some time and knew/felt it was something serious, it’s not actually fair on the child.