To be annoyed by ex and new girlfriend?

[Twattyex]

DS went to his best friends birthday party today, I couldn’t take him because my youngest is ill, so asked ex to take him. He agreed, the party started at 1pm, and I just got a text from one of the mums at the party saying that he brought his girlfriend of 5 months. I don’t understand why she’s there, the party is only for 3 hours and is one of those where you have to stay with your child, so they’re all there. And I didn’t know he had a girlfriend until one day he picked DS up from school and DS came home and told me daddy got a new “friend”, so confronted ex and that’s when he told me he met someone, and he’s only known her for couple of weeks when I confronted him. He met her just before the summer holidays.

Feeling pretty shit tbh.

We split up in March so everything's fresh and raw, I'm still processing everything in my head, where and why it went wrong etc. And he just moved on just like that. I didn't say anything to DS when he told me about the new girlfriend. I don't speak bad about their dad.

I told the mum at the party I couldn't make it, and ex would bring DS. I didn't know he was going to bring his girlfriend and neither did she, so she was surprised as was I.

im wouldnt class 8/9 months as fresh and raw?

The fact that you used the word ‘confronted’ (twice) in your OP to describe the discussion with your ex re the new GF, suggests that communication between you may not be entirely amicable? Maybe he’s trying to damage control by not telling you things.

I do think you’re being a bit U.

@CandyCreeper for me it is, I spent 10 years from me. It takes time to get over a relationship that long.

*with him

I think you need to let go and move on. He’s moved on and you can either allow yourself to be angry and bitter about that or you do the same.

I don’t think 5 months after he started to see someone is then unreasonable to take her places.
Not trying to be harsh it he’s not coming back.

Is your ex the father of your younger child?

You asked for a favour, he said yes, they may already have had plans which they put aside to help you out. That’s nice.

He’s moved on, he’s met someone. That’s okay. She’s going to be part of his and your child(ren’s) lives. That’s also okay and while you might find it tricky to start with he’s allowed to have a life of his own and it won’t harm your child.

OP I totally get it. It is hurtful when the father of your kids introduces someone quickly. My ex has always done the same, with no consideration for our DS. He broke up with his wife a few months ago, and has a new girlfriend already, and has been taking DS to stay at hers. It's bollocks.

Unfortunately lots of people think it's perfectly fine. I don't think it is.

OP - he hasn't really done anything wrong in taking her to the party but I totally understand why it stings. It also took me over a year to stop feeling "raw" about a breakup following a 10-year relationship, and we didn't have kids and it was my decision to end the relationship.

So completely understandable that you've felt annoyed because he is moving so quickly (even though others here don't seem to think it's quick) but nothing you can do about it so don't let it eat at you.

If you only split up in March, I can understand why it’s still raw, especially as he found someone new relatively quickly after breaking up with you.

However, he hasn’t done anything wrong.

It's the feeling of being replaced that I need to deal with. Don't mind him dating her, but feel a bit being replaced when he's taking her to the school and other school events.

And yes he is the father to my three children.

While I agree with pp that he didn't do anything wrong, your upset is quite understandable, OP.

Get over what OP? He has a new girlfriend she will do things he does and spend time with him. They probably had plans when you asked him to take your son instead so she went along too. What's the big deal?

I'm assuming he's not the resident parent so it's a bit embarrassing that he can't be apart from his gf for a few hours for a bloody kids party. You'd think he'd enjoy some one to one time with his dc.

Feel a bit bad for the GF tbh. She's given up her time to be at a child's party and when she arrives some other mum is rushing to bitch about her to her partner's ex wife?

That said- I understand it must be tough having another woman in your DC's life. Unfortunately it's inevitable after a separation though

People deal with breakups in different ways.

Some people spend a long time rehashing everything in their head.

Some people do drugs or alcohol.

Some people move house or go on long holidays.

Some people immediately dive right into a new relationship with nary a day between one person and the next.

Just because you do the former and your Ex does the latter doesn't mean you're right and he's wrong, and it doesn't mean that he's right or you're wrong, either. You're both just people dealing with life. If your son is happy and isn't bothered by any of this, then really you owe it to him to not rock the boat, don't you?

Whenever you yourself get a new partner, and introduce them to your DS, then I'm sure you won't be thinking any of this at all.

I know in a years time I'll feel different, and no I won't be dating anytime soon. I will wait til my children are older, because I can't be arsed with the whole step family thing.

Why feel sorry for the girlfriend? She could have met him after the party, but she's obviously ok with being there. It's only three hours.

Just seems like she did a nice thing by coming and it doesn't sound like the mum who text you was very welcoming is all

Why was the other mother stirring? It's none of her business that your ex brought his girlfriend along with him!Why did she feel the need to tell you that?

It's understandable that you're hurt but he hasn't done anything wrong. They're together and DS knows who she is. Maybe they had plans that were interrupted so she came along to spend time with him while he waited, or so they could go somewhere else after?

I understand how hurtful and upsetting this is. How anyone can be questioning your upset when you split up this year just shows a total lack of experience of how long these traumas take to heal.
Your feelings are yours and are totally understandable. I'm sorry OP, it is so tough and the only thing that will help is time. It will feel different with time. Just now it's awful, and someone new taking your place at familiar events is devastating.
So sorry.

You shouldn’t have an issue with the girlfriend, it comes across as jealousy or bitterness when it’s directed towards her she’s done nothing wrong.

Although me and my ex have said we want to meet each other’s partners before introducing them to our son and it has to be serious before introducing them, that would annoy me if he just introduced a GF without at least informing me.

You are allowed to feel upset; it’s normal
However you cannot let your DS be caught in the middle of it.
Your ex stepped up for your son, when you asked him to.
Unfortunately, (for you) he brought his new gf. Men do move on faster, especially if they do the leaving. If she had been the ow, I would say he was being cf.

But having been through this, hard as it is, you have to suck it up.

I don't feel sorry for the girlfriend. I feel sorry for the OP. "It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced" springs to mind.