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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas gift AIBU

100 replies

crispysausagerolls · 10/11/2018 10:05

New to the parenting thing and had a dispute with my mother last night as we have bought our son a walker for Christmas, and she wants to buy him the same as his gift. Her explanation is that she would like the walker to stay at her place. She does not have any other grandchildren but hopefully in a few years will, and would like them to use it too. I understand that, but then it’s not really a Christmas gift for DS is it? Or is this the norm/what grandparents do? AIBU to think a gift should be something the child can keep/have at home?

OP posts:
TulipsInBloom1 · 10/11/2018 10:07

Better that than something huge and unsuitable she insists you take home. Handy for when you visit.

7yo7yo · 10/11/2018 10:08

Yeah that’s not a gift for your DS. A gift belongs to the giftee not the gifter. So would go home with then.

InspectorIkmen · 10/11/2018 10:08

YABU and a bit ridiculous really. How old is the child? Too young I would imagine to know who has bought what and for how many years he should have exclusive use of it.
Just let her buy the walker and keep it at her house.

PotteringAlong · 10/11/2018 10:08

If your child is young enough for a walker they are too young to know or care what Christmas is. You’re overthinking this. It’s a none issue.

When you have your subsequent children you’ll be wrapping stuff you already have for the baby just so the older ones think Santa’s been and you don’t have to buy more stuff.

dogwoofbark · 10/11/2018 10:08

Ffs. I hate when people do projecting posts but.... my ds has one set of Grandparents, they don't really have a relationship.

Get a grip and be happy that you have grandparents that care for him.

Entitled post of the day so far.

Finfintytint · 10/11/2018 10:09

I used to “ keep” any large plastic item at granny’s house. Saves cluttering up my house.

KC225 · 10/11/2018 10:11

I think that is a good idea. When he is on the move, do not underestimate the box of favourite toys at Granny's house. Look at it this way, if he'd have grown out of it you'd have passed it on to family anyway, he gets first dibs and you don't have to store it.

Emma765 · 10/11/2018 10:12

It is a gift for your son though isn't it. He won't be using it by the time any future grandchildren might want to.

Are you thinking on insisting you can sell on his gifts once he's done with them? I don't get your issue.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 10/11/2018 10:12

dogwoofbark

My DS also has a set of grandparents who don’t see him.

My mother and I are extremely close and I see her all the time, she’s wonderful and was at the birth of DS. However I would personally rather she buy a 5£ toy DS can have at home than a 50£ walker. The closeness of my mother to us doesn’t change that or make me entitled, don’t be so ridiculous.

I just wondered if grandparents do usually buy gifts to stay at their place.

No, DS does not realise it at the moment obviously, just curious if it’s normal/don’t want to set a principle/irrationally annoyed by it I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 10/11/2018 10:13

KC225

I see your point

OP posts:
DontCallMeCharlotte · 10/11/2018 10:15

Is there something you'd rather they got?

I personally can't see the problem with this as the baby is hardly going to think "bugger I've already got one of these!"

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 10/11/2018 10:15

Are you thinking on insisting you can sell on his gifts once he's done with them? I don't get your issue.

Of course I don’t want to sell the gifts/care about that. I would also happily donate anything he has outgrown to any children my siblings have etc

OP posts:
Anotherdayanotherdollar · 10/11/2018 10:15

Does your baby need anything else instead that you could suggest she buy?

I'd see it as:
Your ds has a gp wanting to spend money on him and have him spend time in their house: win
Grandma gets to buy the present she wants: win
You get to buy the present you want: win
You don't have to store the walker: win
You don't have to get rid of it when ds outgrows it: win

In a year or two you won't be able to move with all the toys!

DontCallMeCharlotte · 10/11/2018 10:16

Also wouldn't it be useful to have one there as well?

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 10/11/2018 10:16

DontCallMeCharlotte

No, there isn’t. Actually now I’m writing it down and trying to verbalise the issue, I really do think it’s just the principle of thinking a gift should be taken with the recipient (even if they aren’t aware of it themselves 🙈😂). I realise that makes me sound a bit insane/petty now.

OP posts:
Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 10/11/2018 10:17

DontCallMeCharlotte

The main thing is we aren’t usually at her place as we live close to her and she always comes to ours, so it wouldn’t really get used. But I suppose that’s her problem/space saving issue.

OP posts:
Stopfinishingthemilk · 10/11/2018 10:18

I would say it’s fine and not worth falling out with your mum over. I say that as a parent who regularly offloads unused or bulky presents to the grandparents. DS is always so excited to go to his grandparents house knowing he has a selection of toys there waiting for him

I do get your point about it not being a gift if he doesn’t take it away, but if you are intending for him to spend a lot of time at your mum’s house, he will more than get enough use out of it to make it feel like “his gift”

Feb2018mumma · 10/11/2018 10:19

I don't see anything wrong with toys at grandparents? Surely if your sisters or brothers (in laws or not) had children you would give them old toys anyway? We wouldnt have many toys without family giving us their hand me downs! I think be grateful you won't have to take toys to grandparents as they will now have a walker at theirs

Piffle11 · 10/11/2018 10:19

I actually agree with you. It's not really a present for DS, is it? Before we had our DC we would buy for BIL's DC and MIL would be grabbing stuff as it was opened, saying 'oh we'll keep that here' … very annoying! Our baby walker collapsed down so we just stuck it in the boot if we were visiting anyone - no need to have two.

Emma765 · 10/11/2018 10:23

How old is he? Will she be having him more at her place?

In my family it's normal for gifts to be bought to stay at nanna and grandad because they do childcare 4 days a week. If they weren't bought as gifts they'd just be buying them generally which isn't really fair. Plus their house is bigger so my niece has a bigger dolls house, slide etc than she can have at home.

My baby will be using it all once she's here and old enough.

Iloveacurry · 10/11/2018 10:26

So your mum wants to buy your child a gift that will stay at her house which, as it seems, will barely use, as she normally comes to you?

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 10/11/2018 10:30

iloveacurry

Yes!

OP posts:
MortyVicar · 10/11/2018 10:30

I think there are two separate points here.

There's absolutely nothing wrong in her buying a walker to have at her house for your DS and future DGC. In fact it's sensible.

But on the other hand, it definitely isn't a present for your DC if that's what she's planning. It's basically her buying something for herself that she wants to have at her house (even if her intentions are excellent) - so it's a 'present' to herself under the pretext of buying it for DS at Christmas.

How would you feel if she bought the walker but it was clear what it was and why, and she got DS a small personal present that he could take home?

Chamomileteaplease · 10/11/2018 10:31

Isn't a baby walker something that would only be used for about two months anyway? Confused. Seems a weird gift.

Blondebakingmumma · 10/11/2018 10:33

So if you don’t go to your mum's often, how is your child going to use the walker? Do they not get to use one, because that would be doubling up?

I think it’s a horrible idea. What will it be next Birthday/Christmas, a swingset at grandma’s house for him?