Christmas gift AIBU

[crispysausagerolls]

New to the parenting thing and had a dispute with my mother last night as we have bought our son a walker for Christmas, and she wants to buy him the same as his gift. Her explanation is that she would like the walker to stay at her place. She does not have any other grandchildren but hopefully in a few years will, and would like them to use it too. I understand that, but then it’s not really a Christmas gift for DS is it? Or is this the norm/what grandparents do? AIBU to think a gift should be something the child can keep/have at home?

DN has a lot of toys/gifts that stay at 'grandma and grandpa's house' often on request of DB and SIL because they have plenty of things at their house already, also they loved after her two days a week until this September so it made sense she has things there too, they still have her one day a week. She's got all kinds of stuff there, an easel/art table, an IKEA kitchen and Christ knows how much other stuff. I don't see the issue

We only have my PIL here and everything they buy for DS stays at their house. He needs toys there to play with and it's never occurred to me to bring them home. BUT I wouldn't appreciate the suggestion that his toys would then be for other grandchildren as well. It's not a gift if they aren't his.

For those of you saying the OP is being ‘petty’, why shouldn’t she be allowed buy a baby walker to be used in her own home if she isn’t to take the Christmas gift home? She said that she doesn’t go to her mums much.... her child won’t get to use a walker (safety and development issues around the walker aside)

What? Nobody is saying she can't but her own.

Buy.

My parents and IL both have their own toys for gc to use. Why should a child give up their toy so all children visiting can use it?

@Blondebakingmumma of course she's allowed, he'll use that one at home and the other one at Grandma's, it's the OP who is against doubling up

Oops, sorry misread that

If the said child is getting a walker they are not old enough to give a toss therefore YABU.

My mil bought trampoline and swing set as gifts for Christmas for all GC..I thought it was great idea now they all have something to play with there... I honestly think you are being childish and a bit entitled.
Sorry yabu.

I really wouldn't care about this unless the child was old enough to care.

At the end of the day she can do what she likes with her money. Not something I would do personally but we're all different and if you have a brilliant relationship with her OP I wouldn't insist she buys something else to stay at home.

What's wrong with a swing set at Grandmas?

BUT I wouldn't appreciate the suggestion that his toys would then be for other grandchildren as well. It's not a gift if they aren't his.

I don't really understand this PoV either. If he's not there using them, then why not allow other grandchildren to use them when he's not/when he's grown out of them? And if there are multiple grandchildren playing at her house at once and are the age group to want to use the same toys, then they should be sharing with each other anyway, not all just playing with their own toys and not letting anyone else have a go. My nephew has a garage set that stays at my parents' house, but when we were there a couple of weeks ago, all the kids, including him, from ages 18 months to six years old, were playing quite happily on it together.

My PILs might be getting my 4 year old a mini drum kit for Christmas. I’m already campaigning for it to stay at their much bigger house

What sort of walker do you mean, OP - a saucer type one, or like a VTech push along to help with standing?

I’d discourage 2 saucer type walkers - they’re massive, they’re a limited time only gift really but the VTech ones I’d be all right with - nice for him to have something at granny’s. Ask her to buy a small puzzle too as his “take home” gift.

You are unbelievably rude.

I would like this! Less to clutter up my living room!

My mum has one of everything at her house. Some are from when I was little, some are bought be her, some by me, some are gifts. I love it. The children love it. They have a swing and slide there.

Baby walkers are a menace, but if you want baby to use one, it’s not easily transferable between houses.

Safety experts and health professionals strongly discourage the use of baby walkers, because of the number of accidents and injuries they cause. Baby walkers are dangerous because they give babies extra speed, extra height, and access to many hazards. ... Even with supervision, accidents in baby walkers can easily occur.

@speakout that's just the 'sit in' kind isn't it? Surely most people buy the push along ones now? Although who knows, as the sit in ones are still for sale so someone must be buying them.

As an aside, our physical therapist for ds said all of those kinds of things, static or on wheels are terribly bad for babies.

There is a solution..... you say 'oh but Mum if you wanted a walker for when he is at your house, we are happy to provide one. Then you can buy him a gift that he can take home and keep'.

If your mum is looking after your child for long periods of time, especially if they are saving you childcare fees, then you should really provide these things if they are needed. If not then how much is it really going to be used to justify the spend/clutter?

Grandparents have bought my child gifts to take home, or gifts to keep at theirs. One yr they bought a swing set for all the grandchildren to share.

Anything is normal, like all gifts I accept happily on their terms as they are being generous to my child and my child will benefit in some way. At grans or at home. It is a present for my child as my child will use it.

I'm so glad that my mum used to give gifts to our DCs which then stayed at her house for when they visited. And how I wish that my MIL and even my dad and his wife had done the same. It meant not only was our house cluttered with toys, but every trip there had to in life a bag of toys for them to play with. I don't see any problem with allowing future GCs to play with it - after all, by that tine, your dc will have outgrown it anyway. My mum still has loads of toys from when her gc were small. Came in very handy the other week when she had a surprise visit from my dc2 and his ds!

There will probably come a time when you actually want the GPs to keep some gifts at their house. As DC get older and have more stuff it can start to feel like nothing else will fit in!

That said, I can see your point. Dc doesn't spend a lot of time there so it just seems a bit pointless to buy him a "gift" that he'll get little use from when there are so many other great things she could get him at this age. The duplication is what would irritate me most tbh as I'd just think WHY? The child already has one at his own house, why spend money on a second one? Surely if he is spending time there he can bring the one from home otherwise perhaps he'd enjoy playing with something different at grans.