To ask if anyone's DH/DP do this?

[EngineerWoman]

Think this is soon to be ex DH, but wanted to ask if anyone been with someone like this? I'm really at my wits end, this is just one problem of many.

He leaves clothes everywhere he goes, he will have a shower, and come out with a towel around his waist and leave his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor. He will get dressed, and leave the house, just like that. Leaving the dirty clothes for me to pick up, right now he's just left for a sports activity he does every week, but he just put his sports activity clothes on, and left his clothes on the floor.

And when he's looking for something in the kitchen, or storage he will take everything out, find what he needs and not put the stuff back.

Some times he will have some of his mates round, and he will ask me to cook or he cooks, but he leaves me to do all the cleaning in the kitchen. He uses every pot and pan there is in the kitchen, and won't wash up. If I'm lucky, he might wipe down the surfaces, but that's it.

Everyday when he goes to the bathroom, he will use the towel to dry his hands and just throws it on the floor. I've spoken to him about this so many times, but he will just accuse me of nagging and moaning all the time.

I've tried leaving everything as it is, and not clean up after him. Normally I would pick up his dirty clothes from the bathroom on the same day, but one time I left it for 3 days to see if he would pick it up and he didn't so I caved in the end and picked it up, as I can't live in a dirty house.

My stepdad is like this I used to live with it now when I visit him and my mum it drives me mad. He even just randomly leaves all kitchen cupboards open! For me it shows such a lack of respect for the other person in the relationship. Is this the only problem you both have?

Look forward to those final divorce papers. It's just down right disrespectful

Mine would leave more mess if I let him. I never have though; before we moved in with each other we came to a deal about clothes (worn but will wear again have a special rail ok his cupboard) and otherwise they get washed. Leaving stuff out of cupboards was unexpected but quickly corrected. He pulls his weight with cooking and wouldn't leave the washing up though because he isn't a cock. If your DH can't see that his behaviour is unfair then that's a bigger issue than any of the individual actions.

No, he calls me names and tells me to shut up in front of the kids and his family. I've always known there was something wrong, but I've just brushed it under the rug. I thought this was a part of the "ups and downs" couples have. He goes hot and cold sometimes, one minute he's nice and next minute he calls me names and I'm the worst person he's ever been it, after the row he will act nice as If nothing had happened, and I'm just there like WTF. It really messes with my head when he's like this.

You need to find your self respect and say enough is enough.

No mine doesn't. Sometimes if it's his turn to put the kids to bath / bed he'll leave their dirty clothes on the bathroom floor. I think it's him just being busy and forgetting about them but have said it comes across as very disrespectful to leave something on the floor knowing someone else will pick it up like some sort of servant.

Your DH behaviour is absolutely awful, accusing you of nagging when you're not keen to clean up after him like a baby! I think I would just leave all his stuff where it is, I know you don't like a messy house but just try and put up with it until he has no clean.clothes left

Why are you with this idiot ? He doesn't even like you.

Christ! I'm married to a bigamyst!

He sounds like a right twat.

Very glad to hear he is a STBXH, he sounds like he revels in showing you utter disrespect. My DP and I are both a little messy, but we can pull each other up on things without name calling and nastiness. Look forward to your life without him, I can guarantee you won't miss him. Don't back out, ltb and don't look back, or he will whittle away at you until you're little more than a housekeeper.

Okay so my DP does do things like this.

However, he will think 'shit' and then apologise and tidy it up himself after a small while.

I do sometimes remind him and not once has he ever reacted the way your DH does.

It is annoying that he still does it but I think it's your DHs reaction which would be the biggest thing for me.

It took years to train DH out of this. His DM did absolutely everything for him.

No. My DH wouldn't because he is a grown up and he values me and likes me. Not that I'd pick them up anyway. That kind of power play would backfire spectaculalry.

You break too easy. Three 3 days is nothing. He'd have run out of clothes long before I'd pick up a sock.

How come you have to shut up if he calls you a nag? What kind of rule have you made for yourself there?

i am glad he is soon to be your ex!

Can you not just kick his clothes from the bathroom floor into some corner somewhere? I can't' believe you actually pick them up! Stop!

He doesn't have any respect for you - or for the children either, speaking like that to you in front of them. Hope to hear he's ExH very very soon!

Chuck out into the garden/back yard/front yard anything he leaves out.

Kitchen stuff that you need to use gets put somewhere where it's in his way e.g. in his car, on his side of the sofa, his side of the bed etc etc.

Nope , he doesn’t do this
He leaves his clothes on the floor at night , then in the washing basket in the morning
I cook , he washes up
Towel on the bedpost after the shower , on the towel rail before bed
Nope , not normal

Good on you for saying soon to be ex!! He sounds like an idiot. You sound like you finally realize it’s not normal nor okay to go on with someone like this.

My DP is a nightmare for leaving things lying around, cupboards open ect but he does have the good grace to apologise and pick them up when I ask him to. It was very hard in the early days though. He has a phobia about eating in front if people and always used to eat in the bedroom. He would then shove the plate under the bed and forget about it until I one day served him a roast dinner complete with gravy on a paper plate with plastic cutlery and gave him a bin bag to throw it away after. He didnt do it again.

Could you just chuck his dropped clothes and towels into a bin bag and leave them to fester? Are you still doing his laundry? Please say no, please.

It sounds like emotional abuse OP which I fear is what my mum is going through. Sorry 💞

My DH is dozy - he leaves clothes/classes/plates where he finished with them. However if i remind him to clear up, he’s done it with an apology for making a mess. I also refuse to wash his clothes unless they are in the laundry basket, I piles them in a corner (boxers and socks with work clothes). He’s just messy, not an obnoxious twat, and that’s why it doesn’t bother me too much. OPs husbands attitude is disgusting.

I think my brain just lost a few cells reading this post.
Its an abomination. Im not exactly Kim & Aggie when it comes to cleanliness and tidiness, but the idea of just leaving clothes and towels on the floor is so disgusting to me. What the fuck?
Im just glad you're getting rid of him.

Sorry that this is totally unrelated but I've only just worked out what STBXH is. I knew it was something to do with ex husband so came up with Stupid Bastard Ex Husband.
He sounds absolutely horrible.

Sounds like a man-child who expects his partner/mum substitute to look after him. Just don’t do it. I’d be leaving it until he ran out of clothes!