To ask if anyone's DH/DP do this?

[EngineerWoman]

Think this is soon to be ex DH, but wanted to ask if anyone been with someone like this? I'm really at my wits end, this is just one problem of many.

He leaves clothes everywhere he goes, he will have a shower, and come out with a towel around his waist and leave his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor. He will get dressed, and leave the house, just like that. Leaving the dirty clothes for me to pick up, right now he's just left for a sports activity he does every week, but he just put his sports activity clothes on, and left his clothes on the floor.

And when he's looking for something in the kitchen, or storage he will take everything out, find what he needs and not put the stuff back.

Some times he will have some of his mates round, and he will ask me to cook or he cooks, but he leaves me to do all the cleaning in the kitchen. He uses every pot and pan there is in the kitchen, and won't wash up. If I'm lucky, he might wipe down the surfaces, but that's it.

Everyday when he goes to the bathroom, he will use the towel to dry his hands and just throws it on the floor. I've spoken to him about this so many times, but he will just accuse me of nagging and moaning all the time.

I've tried leaving everything as it is, and not clean up after him. Normally I would pick up his dirty clothes from the bathroom on the same day, but one time I left it for 3 days to see if he would pick it up and he didn't so I caved in the end and picked it up, as I can't live in a dirty house.

I would take pictures and upload it to his social media and embarrass the heck out of him... Believe me he will pick his shit up

The clothes are the least of your problems OP. He is an aggressive bully.

I'd also be horrified that the DC hear him talking to you like this, it's completely unacceptable. They'll grow up and copy him in his disrespect.

OP just a thought- while your pander to him, why will he change? Hell if I could get away with throwing my dirty clothes on the floor and next time I see them they’re folded up neatly smelling fresh and clean- I would. Any of us would.

Stop doing it. If he doesn’t get the hint then start throwing his shit away when it’s starting to grow it’s own life form.

He sounds awful.
I’m glad you’re leaving him and won’t be wasting anymore of your life with a horrible bully.

I would give him an ultimatum, his behaviour changes or you leave. He has no right to talk to you like crap, If my husband behaved like yours and refused to change I wouldn't be staying. You aren't his employee. So what if a child knocks over a PS4, that doesn't warrant shouting. If he is so concerned about his things he should put them out of the way.

Mine used to. He was used to his mother picking up after him. So I gave him a warning and then started putting ships stuff in the bin if he didn't put it away. He is still untidy but much better and if he gets too bad I tell he needs to do something, then I ask when he is going to do it. He knows it's best not to get past that stage.

Arsehole. Can you find yourself a lawyer?

I would be divorcing the twat as from Monday and ordering myself some huge fluffy towels the day I moved into my own place.

Have you ever just gone away for a weekend and left the him to do everything?

It might be a good idea to try to do that soon. Use the time to plan an exit strategy. It might be that you can get him to be the one to leave.

So you're not happy OP, you don't love him. What are you going to do about it ?

He sounds so awful, your house is not a hotel and you're not a maid!

You need to tell him to shape up or move out! X

People still offering OP strategies about the clothes - read the rest of her replies. This isn't about the clothes, it's about a woman being emotionally and verbally abused in front of her own children and then gaslighted into thinking she's the unreasonable one. Idontbelievethemoon had it spot on. OP do you really want your children to grow up thinking this is an ok way to treat women? You and your children deserve better. At the moment your husband is getting much more than he deserves.

gladstonefive maybe when we were teenagers we would have thought it was great if someone would pick up our washing and do it for us but I suspect most of us as adults wouldn't be able to treat someone like that as we know how disrespectful it is.

And to pp asking why women marry men like this? But insulting to say they are blinded and desperate - no one knowingly marries a cunt and I doubt whether this guy was displaying all these characteristics when they were dating. From what I've seen (mainly on here) these abusive men don't really start until back from honeymoon.

So when is he going to be your ex husband? Sounds like the sooner the better.

Long live singledom is all I can say! Having lived with four partners before ds the first two were very messy and the final two were mega tidy. Singledom is bliss as nobody can invade my space then!

I also really hate it when the toilet seat is left up by visitors. Clearly I have lived too long on my own as I have trained ds to put the seat and lid both down after use. So I really notice it if a guest uses the loo and then I go and find it like that.

Once you realize that you are tiptoeing around trying to please & appease. it is OVER.
He won't change, he is abusive & bullying, to both you & DC.
Get yourself to the CAB on Monday & start to make a plan to leave. (unless its your house, & he can just be shown the door.)
No ultimatums, No tactics & advice to get him to tidy up, no listening to promises to improve...... He is showing you the person he is. he will not grow up, learn new ways nor repent. It's over

Glad you'll soon be free of the useless, nasty bastard OP!

It is apparent from the many many threads about useless men on MN that so many of them become entitled pricks when living with a partner. They really want a fuckable maid, not a fully equal life partner.

I have never lived with a man like this, and I married in the 1970s, lived with someone else in the 1980s! neither man expected me to pick up after them and housework/cooking/ child rearing was 50/50. Please, please women who are contemplating marrying or living with a partner - make it clear from the outset what expectations you have regarding the grunt work.

So sad to see the 'useless manchild' alive and well in 2018.

OP I am so sorry that you are living like this. idontbelieveinthemoon has it spot on with their post, this goes much further than just leaving laundry on the floor and please ignore people telling you to ‘fight back’.
You know that this is impossible and dangerous, you have no option but to leave this excuse of a man and asap.
Wishing you strength and courage.

Get rid, you will be so much happier

You deserve better, your kids deserve better. Time to plan your escape.

He sounds nasty.

Don't try to change him (-or bin his stuff/put pics on sm). He sounds abusive and quite honestly you don't want to goad him into verbal or physical violence.

Have you discussed splitting up? Or are you getting all your ducks in a row? Women's Aid and CAB may be able to help.

You don’t need to worry about what happens when you bin the clothes on the floor - don’t bother, OP. Scoop them into a pile if you like but don’t look to change it now. It’s bigger than him being messy.

Get your things together for divorce. Financial papers - what he earns, the mortgage on the house, pensions etc. Make a plan. See a lawyer for an initial consultation. Only then tell him you want to split up - and try to have someone with you when you do, he sounds awful.

I have been with this man for 8 years, he was sweet and affectionate in the beginning as they always are, it wasn't until 2 years into the marriage, I realised we weren't compatible, but I plodded along because I thought the problems we had were a part of the "ups and downs " couples have in their relationship.

I started noticing how other couples treated each other, how my friends husband treated them and how they were around each other, so it wasn't until last year I knew I had to leave him. I dread coming home sometimes, and it's a relief when he's not come, I can be myself again and breathe.

And another thing, we never eat together at the dining table, I eat with the kids and he will come in later and eat on the sofa, when he eats he MUST NOT be disturbed, no kids running around. So I need to make sure they're in their bedrooms, anyone who looks after their children man or woman know how to deal with them if you're eating, and they're messing around. But he can't, because he's not used to taking care of the children. So I need to make sure he's not disturbed because I'm "the mother".

I'm just tired of everything being my fault, and being responsible for the children, even though we're both their parents. He blames me for everything, even if he can't find his socks or charger, it's my fault and I should know where it is. Because God forbids he misplaced it.

He knows I'm not happy, but to be honest I'm just trying to work and save up money so I can move out.

My dh and I have a lovely marriage and we're very happy but he does this and it drives me up the wall. It doesn't matter how many times I've told him to clear up after himself, or how many times he apologises and says he'll get better at tidying up after himself, I never see any improvement. So I've had enough and in the past 6 months or so, every time I have come across clothes left on the floor or draped over a piece of furniture, I pick them up and stuff them at the bottom of the wash bin (with dirty underwear on top of them so he won't want to wear the clothes until they're washed). I then deny all knowledge of where the clothes are when he's moaning about his clothes disappearing and he's got nothing to wear. I helpfully suggest that if the clothes are clean then they'll be in the wardrobe hung up or folded neatly. I also prioritise mine and the dc's clothes when it comes to washing. He's now started washing his own clothes in desperation because he keeps running out of clothing due to them being discarded on the floor. Our wash bin is always full of his clothes, and he still insists on leaving them everywhere after he's worn them but at least I'm inconveniencing him in the process 

No, because he's an adult who knows that I don't work for him! He's not a lazy arsehole. Sounds like you are well shot of this guy OP.