To ask if anyone's DH/DP do this?

[EngineerWoman]

Think this is soon to be ex DH, but wanted to ask if anyone been with someone like this? I'm really at my wits end, this is just one problem of many.

He leaves clothes everywhere he goes, he will have a shower, and come out with a towel around his waist and leave his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor. He will get dressed, and leave the house, just like that. Leaving the dirty clothes for me to pick up, right now he's just left for a sports activity he does every week, but he just put his sports activity clothes on, and left his clothes on the floor.

And when he's looking for something in the kitchen, or storage he will take everything out, find what he needs and not put the stuff back.

Some times he will have some of his mates round, and he will ask me to cook or he cooks, but he leaves me to do all the cleaning in the kitchen. He uses every pot and pan there is in the kitchen, and won't wash up. If I'm lucky, he might wipe down the surfaces, but that's it.

Everyday when he goes to the bathroom, he will use the towel to dry his hands and just throws it on the floor. I've spoken to him about this so many times, but he will just accuse me of nagging and moaning all the time.

I've tried leaving everything as it is, and not clean up after him. Normally I would pick up his dirty clothes from the bathroom on the same day, but one time I left it for 3 days to see if he would pick it up and he didn't so I caved in the end and picked it up, as I can't live in a dirty house.

Yup. Totally the same thing. Can actually trace his steps from the front door through the house to the bed! Every cupboard door he' s opened, every place he's sat in and every bit of snack he's had:))) Is he worth it is the question, as you will probably never change him. I nag my heart out but put up with it cause I have different but equally annoying habits.

Ok. So never read your 2nd post ( I know, admit to being one of the ones that reply instantaneously without reading the whole thread). Anyway, am now siding with the "divorce papers" crowd after reading that he is also abusive. Wouldn't put up with that.

Where do his clean clothes come from?

Tbh I wouldn’t want to live in a dirty house either, therefore I would place the offending articles in the garage in a black bag

Yep, mine does this. Constantly socks just thrown on the living room floor or on the sofa, shirts chucked on the floor downstairs etc.
About once a month he will do a bit of washing up and announce that he's "done the washing up for me" like it's some kind of heroic act and he deserves a medal.
Usually follows it up with, "The hob needs cleaning." or something.
Quite why it would be so difficult to take a mug back into the kitchen or pour a bit of bleach down the loo instead of leaving it a mess I don't know.

Apparently it's me that "always leaves stuff lying around." 🙁

My DH and I are both like this! Both terrible for leaving clothes on floors, stuff out in kitchen etc. We both just blitz the house/various rooms every so often during the day and somehow we aren’t living in squalor.

Nt husband did similar & I told him strongly he should not and he stopped doing it.

He treats you like a maid. Get some self respect. Leave him asap.

A certain degree of messiness/absent-mindedness I can (and do) put up with. (As a pp said, he puts up with some of my own less than admirable traits, and his good points far outweigh the bad.)

The contempt and verbal abuse, on the other hand, are not acceptable.

Glad to see he’s likely to be an ex soon. This is really disrespectful behaviour. I think I’d simply pile his clothes up for him, so you don’t trip over them, and tell him if he doesn’t put them in the wash basket they don’t get washed. I’d keep a towel for myself somewhere and let him use up all the towels too and put them in the same pile if he doesn’t put it back up.

As for the washing up, if he’s not prepared to do it, then he can cook and buy his own food. Sorry but I’d be going completely on strike for this lazy sod

I’m the messy one, but try to keep the floordrobe to a minimum because I know DH doesn’t like it. He’ll maybe leave the odd pair of undies or socks on the bedroom floor. I just pick them up with my stuff and take them to the washing basket, just like he does with my knickers when I leave them lying around.

If it was absentminded and not deliberate, he wouldn’t accuse you of nagging- he’d apologise and try harder.

He’s treating you like a skivvy. Divorce him.

OP: this is one problem out of many.

I am not surprised. This goes beyond absent minded messiness to active contempt for you and putting you of your place. For your sanity and self respect, you need to LTB and regain yourself.

Don't let him pound you into the ground any more. You deserve so much more

Mine is terrible with clothes too - he leaves them on the bathroom floor alongside the laundry basket. HOWEVER we have separate bathrooms and this allows me to retain my sanity. I never go in his bathroom. I tell him when I'm doing the washing and he will scoop all the clothes into the laundry basket and bring it to the laundry room. Otherwise nothing is washed, that's the rule and he knows it! (I don't mind ding the laundry as he does the ironing - he has to do his work shirts and will do some for me at the same time).

He does clean the kitchen if I cook, but has a bad habit of being selective when putting stuff away or loading the dishwasher.

It sounds like you have bigger problems though...

Were you staying longer term I'd say you need a big hamper, and anything left lying around goes into the hamper. For kitchen items which you might need too, have a cupboard they get moved to after you find them left out.

I'd be throwing his stuff in the bin. Clothes left lying around on the floor for more than 24 hours, take them and bin them in an outdoor bin. Then I'd claim I didn't have a clue where they were "I don't know darling, where did you last have them?"
He is being very disrespectful to you.

The big hamper idea is a good one too. Just shove all his dirty stuff in there. When he's looking for his kit for the next week say "you left them on the floor last week but luckily I did manage to tidy them away. They are in the "left items on the floor" hamper over there".
I would be going on strike with him even if it's in small ways.

If you think he'd physically hurt you then I wouldn't do this but I would leave

I stopped washing my dp's clothes several years ago because of the way he treated me as a skivvy.

He now washes them himself but never hangs them up. They sit around for days so now I either shove them out in the garden, or down his side of the bed. I think the longest his wet clothes have sat in a bin bag on the bedroom floor has been 3 months. By the time he realised, they absolutely stank and needed to be binned.
He did some washing a week ago and left them out. I reminded him it was there. He rewashed them two days ago and I said "don't forget to hang it up". He said he'd do it but it still hasn't been done so tomorrow morning it's going down his side of the bed where it will sit for God knows how long. It just pisses me off because he either leaves it in the washing machine for days on end or I'm tripping over it on the kitchen floor for days on end. I have at least one load a day to keep on top of mine and the kids. How come I can manage to wash, dry, fold and put away one load a day but he can't manage one load a week????

Why did you marry this useless twat?

I'm asking you and all the other pp on this thread with such useless partners. Were you really so blind and desperate?

Anything left on the floor that shouldn't be on the floor is rubbish and unwanted. So therefore it is disposed off.

That's my suggestion OP.

The name calling though, that's not on at all and glad you're looking at taking steps to remedy you no longer putting up with that.

My DH might do things like that if I let him get away with it but I don't. He is very untidy but I will not tidy after him. I have occasionally told him that if he doesn't tidy his things up, then everything not in a proper place by X time will be binned.

@Aquamarine1029 I married him very young and quickly, we didn't live together before marriage so I didn't get to see this side of him.

To those of who just bin their clothes, what happens after? How do they react? I wouldn't be able to do that because of how he will react. He will go absolutely mad. We were both in the kitchen once, note: BOTH IN THE KITCHEN, youngest DS started playing football in the living room and knocked over DHs PS4, DH went mad and started shouting at DS, then me and told me I should look after "these kids", and when I told him how could I? When I was in the kitchen with him, he said it doesn't matter and that I'm still their mother etc. He then threaten to break my phone. He's very tit for a tat person, so childish. So now I'm constantly on edge in case the kids break something in the house, because he will blame me , even when I'm not in the room. I don't love him anymore because of how he treats me.

He's beyond awful OP. He has no respect for you and without that no marriage will ever work.

Until you leave him ( which you MUST ) I would scoop all his dirty clothes/towels etc into a heap and tell him that's where they will stay. Let him sort his own washing out.

Stop picking up after him. What plans have you made to leave?

The mess he is leaving is just the tip of the iceberg though isn't it? He sounds nasty and hes got you treading on eggshells in your own home. That's no way to live op

Toomuchworking, I was just about to post that exact thing myself and saw yours and genuinely laughed out loud!

So now I'm constantly on edge in case the kids break something in the house, because he will blame me

OP you are being abused. You are adapting your behaviours to try and 'prep' for his moods. That's abuse. Your DC are watching this and modelling it as their basis for their own relationships. You have a choice here, and it's not a glib, easy choice, but you need to leave. You deserve to live without worrying about his moods, your children deserve to run and play without him shouting at them for simple accidents, and he deserves to spend the rest of his life alone for being such a cunt to someone who sounds so lovely.

Contact Womens Aid, find some support and get away from him. You might not see it but your life will be 500% better once you don't have this prick littering your life.