To ask if anyone's DH/DP do this?

[EngineerWoman]

Think this is soon to be ex DH, but wanted to ask if anyone been with someone like this? I'm really at my wits end, this is just one problem of many.

He leaves clothes everywhere he goes, he will have a shower, and come out with a towel around his waist and leave his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor. He will get dressed, and leave the house, just like that. Leaving the dirty clothes for me to pick up, right now he's just left for a sports activity he does every week, but he just put his sports activity clothes on, and left his clothes on the floor.

And when he's looking for something in the kitchen, or storage he will take everything out, find what he needs and not put the stuff back.

Some times he will have some of his mates round, and he will ask me to cook or he cooks, but he leaves me to do all the cleaning in the kitchen. He uses every pot and pan there is in the kitchen, and won't wash up. If I'm lucky, he might wipe down the surfaces, but that's it.

Everyday when he goes to the bathroom, he will use the towel to dry his hands and just throws it on the floor. I've spoken to him about this so many times, but he will just accuse me of nagging and moaning all the time.

I've tried leaving everything as it is, and not clean up after him. Normally I would pick up his dirty clothes from the bathroom on the same day, but one time I left it for 3 days to see if he would pick it up and he didn't so I caved in the end and picked it up, as I can't live in a dirty house.

Mine does this. It drives me mad. But I’m a bit like that too (not as bad though). Blame our parents, they never taught us to do basic things. I try to teach my children but will confess that I often forget because it’s no immediately apparent as something a person needs to do. I am determined to teach my kids but once they’re one eboighfirbthehsbit to be instilled I think I’ll jist hire a housekeeper daily. The clothes do even bother me that much, he can only wear three or four set a day at a stretch but the man sheds books and papers. All over the ducking place. On the floor. On the bench tops in the kitchen. On the sofa. In the bathroom. I got into bed the other day and there was a book under the covers.

Mine is like this too however he would never call me names or put me down in private let alone in front of anyone!

He’s gotten better on the 7 years since we’ve been together but still room for improvement. He’s so lovely though so I half accept it as a bit of a fault and have a good ole nag at him from time to time.

I cannot get my head around women picking up after anyone over the age of 4.

Mine does, drives me insane. It's like I have 3 kids to deal with. He made his own tea one night in the week and left everything on the kitchen sides for me to put away. I didn't do it but had to the next day when he'd left for work and still hadn't cleared up.

He made his own tea one night in the week and left everything on the kitchen sides for me to put away.

This. He will sometimes put the spices back in the cupboard, not in the small basket that they're meant to be in, but next to the bread and biscuits. So I end up sorting out the cupboard once he's finished cooking.

I'm not OCD or anything like that, but I do like to live in a clean home and like to put everything in its place. I just need to find someone who's similar to me

There are men out there who don't expect their partners to be their skivvy, and do things other that sit on their x-boxes or playstations all day after work.

Said be my boyfriend to my friend when she finally decided enough was enough and she couldn't live like a live in maid anymore. She's very happy now,

My dh is the opposite. Very fastidious. Takes twice as long as me to do something. Yours sounds vile.

Why would you move out if you’d have the majority custody? The children won’t want to be with him. Have you had any advice from a lawyer?

@Mummyoflittledragon because it's his house, he lived here before we got married. And I just want a fresh start tbh, couldn't live in this house

Just seen your response. I hope you manage to get out soon.

Get legal advice. As primary carer for the DC, you have rights, especially as you're married. Threatening to smash your phone is aggressive and abusive.

You need to throw his ass out, not just for your sake, but for your kids too. It's not healthy for them to witness that sort of behaviour, and they will soon start thinking it's acceptable.

Yes, mine is like this, but it’s pretty much his only fault

DH went mad and started shouting at DS, then me and told me I should look after "these kids"

Erm. He sounds actually awful tbh. And the kids can’t disturb him while he eats? what a prick.

YOU deserve better but I will also say please get him away from your children as they deserve much better for a father.

OP - time to stop moaning on here as that doesn't get you anywhere. You know it's not normal and you know you're unhappy.

So what are you going to do about it? The only person who can change this situation is you.

@FishesThatFly I'm divorcing him, but it's not that easy to just up and leave when you have DCs! Right now I'm focusing on working and finding a new place to live. Once I'm ready, I'll tell him otherwise he will make it worse.

Nope it's not easy but you can start making changes now by stopping doing his washing for example.

Have you looked at what benefits you can get?

OP, it sounds like the right strategy. Best not to fly out but get your ducks in a row first and your living arrangements and support in place, so he cannot thwart you or make things stressful for the dcs when you tell him.

You are strong. The scales have fallen from your eyes. One step at a time and don't tell him. See a divorce lawyer asap and plan your and dcs' escape quietly.

All the best. You are doing right by yourself and the dcs.