My brother GF

[Fashionista101]

I already know I'm not been unreasonable but need to vent. This girl (let's call her Sarah) used to work for me, was the sweetest girl, a really good friend. My brother lived far away with his very long time gf. Sarah's bf was a dick, really controlling bla bla bla... Sarah (with a lot of hand holding and crying at work etc) managed to leave him. Said ex looks a lot like my brother. Fast forward 3 weeks. My brother has left his gf of 12 years. 2 weeks later Sarah and brother are together and she's working for him (ok I can deal with that, things happen).

My issue is, she's now a complete bitch to me. I've always supported her when really I didn't have to remotely get involved. She's in a family WhatsApp chat and just ignores it. I lent her something of value a few weeks ago, asked her to bring it last Sunday to family dinner and she forgot it. I need it for Sunday and she's still not dropped it off. And whenever I message her she's so short and arsey.

She's the same with my mum. It's like she's with my brother now, moved in etc she doesn't need to make an effort.

Should I take it personally or is she just not really a nice person? I can't get my head around it.

She’s moved in with him after 5 mins? And is working for him? Foolish risks on her part!

Was Sarah the OW?

I would just be polite but detached, not lend any more stuff and not initiate social stuff directly with Sarah, arrange to see your brother and invite her if you would usually have invited his ex.

YABU to call her a bitch, and the info on her behaviour doesn’t seem that bad!

Her behaviour based on what you say doesn’t sound that bad.

I’d bet she and your brother won’t last long though as he is probably on the rebound.

She’s moved in with him after 5 mins? And is working for him? Foolish risks on her part!

And his.

She is been really rude though. And completely different to how she was. Probably shouldn't have called her a bitch. Yes they moved in together so fast, she's probably was the OW for my brother. His exgf was very well educated/independent/career driven etc. She is the complete opposite and takes great pride in her appearance. Which is completely fine and I can see why my brother turned his head but I just don't understand why she's so cold and blunt now she's with him and settled. My mums suggested we invite her to the next girly lunch (we invite my best friend, my mums, my grandma and her best friend.) Sarah has been once (in the early days) but declined/made excuses ever since.

Yes I think that's why I'm going to carry on doing. Not lower myself to her standards and be rude back. Stay polite but not go out of my way to make an effort any more. It's such a shame because we're such a close family and was so supportive of my brother decision and accepting which wasn't exactly that easy in its self

She could be embarrassed that she once worked for you and you know so much about her history. It becomes awkward when you've opened up too much.

If you and your Mum aren't overstepping bounderies and bringing up the past, then she just wants to distance herself for whatever reason.

She is no longer a friend. She isn't a solid GF of your Brothers, yet, either.

Don't lend things or do all of the running. Just see how things pan out.

Maybe she just finds it all very suffocating?
She’s been with him 5 minute - who wants to be on a multi generational family Whats App group?! I wouldn’t!
Maybe she’d rarher me shagging him than having dinner with his nan?

Also - I daresay she feels the judgement of her from some or all of you?

Too quick.
OW.
Not as educated / successful as his ex.
Etc.

"It's such a shame because we're such a close family"

She might find it a bit stifling. She's made it clear that she doesn't want to take part in the meet-ups and tbh, that's her perogative.

Comparing her to the last GF isn't fair.

They are living together, properly together.

Good point about being embarrassed about how much I know though.
Although one night they were both at mine (dinner and drinks) when they weren't official, very early days. Couldn't get a taxi for ages so I said they can crash at mine, she said I'll sleep in the spare room and brother on sofa. I laughed and said it's fine I'm not stupid have the bedroom. And they did so that's that. We were always really close so not like me and mum are suddenly trying really hard now they're together. It's just that she's no longer remotely interested in even talking to me.

I'll just keep my distance and a not make an issue.

Why wasn’t it easy for you to accept a grown man’s decision to end his previous relationship?

That happens every day and for good reasons.

You are WAY too involved.

Perhaps she’s keeping her distance because you’re all too intense, or because your brother is telling her that he finds you all too much?

@Ellisandra remember I've known her a very long time. Yeh I get that re the family WhatsApp group, but for eg it was re Christmas and secret Santa and asking who wants to be include. She just ignores it, I just find it really rude. As a family we've done a lot for her.

@Ellisandra I accept his decisions 100% but what wasn't easy is that his exgf is my sons godmother etc and he wanted me to have no contact. All of which is fine and I've done but it was hard as we got on. As I thought I got on with new gf (having worked with her for over a year and been very good friends).

his exgf is my sons godmother etc and he wanted me to have no contact

Hang on, I know this wasn't your original point but why the hell is he dictating who you can and can't talk to? She's your DS's godmother!!!

That’s tricky re the godmother situation!

I expect that does feel compared to the XGF and found wanting by you all.

Which isn’t to say you didn’t genuinely like her and want to include her now. But even the phrase “sweet girl” is one that I only really ever hear said in a kind but patronising way!

Ignoring WhatsApp stuff - fine, she doesn’t want to be involved. I’d find it a bit much myself. Not returning your thing is rude, but lots of people are a bit useless - yet you seem to have catapulted her right into bitch territory.

I’d just back off and let the dust settle naturally.

I’m actually feeling a bit worried for her - straight out of an abusive relationship and into one where she’s moved in quickly, with a possible cheat, and given up her job to work with him. If it wasn’t your brother, I’d be sounding the “warning, red flag, possible arsehole” alert.

@Ellisandra makes a good point, she's only weeks out of an abusive relationship and straight into moving in with someone else... I'd actually be quite wary of her.

Not ideal is it? But I wanted to be supportive of his new relationship with "Sarah". He got quite a bit of stick from friends and exs family because it was so sudden and out of the blue (in reality he'd not been that happy for a while). To be honest I think his ex hates him now so she's not tried to contact me since Sarah moved in with brother.

Sorry, I re-read that.
Why on earth have you dropped a friend (good enough friend to choose as a godmother) at his say so?

Another red flag for the pile that Sarah has dropped one controlling man for another. Perhaps he’s discouraging the contact between Sarah and his family in case his XGF gets through the barrier that he’s told you to put up, and warns you what it’s like to be his GF?

OP’s brother isn’t taking anywhere near the same risks as Sarah - it’s presumably his company she now works for and his property, so she has no housing or job security.

Sorry, I know I’m saying shitty things about your brother. (I’d warm any woman off my brother as it happens!)

I know it’s just idle speculation on the Internet. But it’s so common to go from one bad man to another, and this definitely has some red flags.

She may have had an awful experience with her ex's family and so is unsure of how to have a relationship with you all

Your brother was U to ask you not to have contact with his ex and if you complied you let your former friend down there, big time.

Yes I agree I'll back off and let what happens happen. I do think ignoring my mum is rude though. She knows my mum really well (also used to work at the same place) and never used to be like that with her either. I'll talk to my mum and say we all should just cool it, maybe she doesn't want to be so involved.

Yes Sarah and I went for a girly weekend away when she told me she was moving in and I said that could be too soon, take some time out for you as you've only just started working for him too. They spend 24/7 together and I was her only friend. My brother similar though, not many friends.

@Loopytiles yes, if he broke things off with her she's have nothing. She's even sold her car as she just commutes with him to his company. I really treied to convince her to look at a 1 bed apt near the workplace but she said it would be pointless as they just want to be together

@Loopytiles yes, I agree. And would have probably stood my ground however, she's really not happy with any of us as we've supported his new relationship so I don't think she would want to hear from me at all now.