My brother GF

[Fashionista101]

I already know I'm not been unreasonable but need to vent. This girl (let's call her Sarah) used to work for me, was the sweetest girl, a really good friend. My brother lived far away with his very long time gf. Sarah's bf was a dick, really controlling bla bla bla... Sarah (with a lot of hand holding and crying at work etc) managed to leave him. Said ex looks a lot like my brother. Fast forward 3 weeks. My brother has left his gf of 12 years. 2 weeks later Sarah and brother are together and she's working for him (ok I can deal with that, things happen).

My issue is, she's now a complete bitch to me. I've always supported her when really I didn't have to remotely get involved. She's in a family WhatsApp chat and just ignores it. I lent her something of value a few weeks ago, asked her to bring it last Sunday to family dinner and she forgot it. I need it for Sunday and she's still not dropped it off. And whenever I message her she's so short and arsey.

She's the same with my mum. It's like she's with my brother now, moved in etc she doesn't need to make an effort.

Should I take it personally or is she just not really a nice person? I can't get my head around it.

@wizzywig good point. She lived with his mum and SD so perhaps. Hadn't thought about that.

Your friend (XGF) may not have contacted you because she feels awkward. Your brother has put you in a shitty position. I’d contact her. What was the point in choosing her as a godmother if she’s someone you’re happy to just drop from your child’s life?

I don’t like the way you say that your brother may have had his head turned. Can we stop blaming women for a man’s choice to cheat? (as you suspect he did)

Apologies, you said “turned his head” and I read that wrong, as theusual phrase is “had his head turned”.

Hmmm if I was to contact godmother though and Sarah found out that's not going to help my situation.

I was kind of just meaning she's attractive. Obviously takes two to tango

Good grief, I can't believe you let your brother dictate that you dropped contact with your child's godmother!

I don't blame her for hating your brother, in fairness, but I do think you should try and stay in touch with her if you liked her.

That's a really dick move by your brother - do you think it came from him alone or was "Sarah" the driver behind that one?

Sorry, xposted. To be perfectly fucking honest, I don't think ANYTHING is going to "help" the situation with Sarah so you might as well leave it as it is and do what you like about your child's godmother!

I don't blame her for being hurt that you all dropped her like a hot brick either - but she may come around.

Now I'm thinking more about it (so refreshing to have strangers opinions) I posted a pic a few weeks ago from sons christening as it came up on my Timehop. All godparents and family stood together in the church.

Surely that's not the reasoning?

She could be feeling pretty crappy about what her and your brother have done esp if u like his ex. I'm guessing she's on the defensive and she's assuming you don't like her and your mum won't except her.

Ride it out. Once it settles down and she realises your family is ok with her then u should see he4 nicer side again hopefully

Think it was very wrong of you to be so disloyal to your god daughter's mother after so many years.

OP. Don't rescue people. They hate you for having seen them at their most vulnerable, for knowing they needed help, for 'forcing' them to accept your help and giving them a debt they can never repay. Unconsciously perhaps. No good deed goes unpunished. Really.

Yes time is a healer.

God mother has blocked us all on everything but I could giver her a call and see if she'd answer. Pretty scared tbh

You said that your brother and his EGF lives really far away? So staying in contact with your son’s godmother isn’t going to be totally in Sarah’s face.

I would mail your friend and tell her you’re sorry you went quiet, tell her felt awkward and that you’re sorry. Maybe she’d rather cut you all off and move on anyway - but I wouldn’t treat a friend like that, just ignoring her.

@longwayoff that's interesting again. Thanks

My mums suggested we invite her to the next girly lunch (we invite my best friend, my mums, my grandma and her best friend.) Sarah has been once (in the early days) but declined/made excuses ever since.

So she's nasty because she doesn't want to spend time with her brothers sister, mother, granny and granny's friend?

She should be doing something she doesn't want to because it suits everyone else?

Also, it's news to me that there's anything wrong with not responding to Whatsapp messages, unless I'm specifically being asked a question.

Good point @Allthewaves on the guilt thing too - she's muscled in on your brother and booted out his poor ex. And she's well aware of how integrated the girl/lady was into your family, so probably feeling massively insecure about that.

Think about why you are contacting the godmother before you actually do it.

My ex's sister dropped me in the same way and it stung, but I understood it. A while later she got back in touch. We rekinkled our friendship and I was really pleased - right up until the moment her brother asked her again to drop it and she was getting on well with his new gf so did, giving me the pleasure of being totally dropped a second time. I'd have preferred her never to get in touch in the first place.

@Firesuit but she used to. That's what I'm struggling with. We know her really well. Every one had responded and then my mum put something along the lines of Sarah, let me know and we can draw this Sunday at Sunday dinner if you're coming. She just ignored it. Maybe that's ok with some people but I wouldn't ignore anyone, even if I didn't really like them.

The guilt thing could be it, honestly she used to be so nice.

Hang about. You're upset as someone you've known for 5 minutes has shacked up with your brother and is ignoring you. Yet you have dropped your brothers ex of 12 years, godmother to your child. At his demand. You need to rethink your relationships.

I’ve reported your last post as I think you just named Sarah

I've known her a long time and have done girly weekends, stayed at mine etc. Not 5 mins.

'Girly' weekends and lunches sound dreadful, so does Whats App.
I wouldn't want to be involved with any of it.

Just stay out of your brother and Sarah's relationship.

Write a note to your child's godmother saying you're sad at what happened but still want to be friends with her and reminding her of her godmother status.

Then stand back.

@Ellisandra thanks 🙈

Your two initial complaints appear to be rhat she doesnt join in with your families whatsapp conversations, that she forgot to return something and she doesn’t want to join your families girlie lunches. And you say she is being a bitch? YABU.

Your family sound a bit intense.

We probably are quite intense but she used to be a part of that with no problems. The way she's acting at the moment is so completely different. Maybe she's had enough. Any way Im going to back off and remain polite etc. And have a think about wether it would be a good idea to contact godmother. Thanks for all of the advise :)

His exgf was very well educated/independent/career driven etc. She is the complete opposite

I couldn't get past this. Do you look down on her because she isn't well educated and not career driven? I hope she never marries your DB and has you as a SIL, how judgemental.