My brother GF

[Fashionista101]

I already know I'm not been unreasonable but need to vent. This girl (let's call her Sarah) used to work for me, was the sweetest girl, a really good friend. My brother lived far away with his very long time gf. Sarah's bf was a dick, really controlling bla bla bla... Sarah (with a lot of hand holding and crying at work etc) managed to leave him. Said ex looks a lot like my brother. Fast forward 3 weeks. My brother has left his gf of 12 years. 2 weeks later Sarah and brother are together and she's working for him (ok I can deal with that, things happen).

My issue is, she's now a complete bitch to me. I've always supported her when really I didn't have to remotely get involved. She's in a family WhatsApp chat and just ignores it. I lent her something of value a few weeks ago, asked her to bring it last Sunday to family dinner and she forgot it. I need it for Sunday and she's still not dropped it off. And whenever I message her she's so short and arsey.

She's the same with my mum. It's like she's with my brother now, moved in etc she doesn't need to make an effort.

Should I take it personally or is she just not really a nice person? I can't get my head around it.

Not at all. I'm not either 😂

I was just pointing out how different she is from his ex. As in she's really pretty the other really clever but Mumsnet being mumsnet I was trying to not be quite so blunt :-/

I got what you meant about the independent/career-driven v attached and appearance-driven and why that might have turned his head so quickly.

Your brother has behaved like a dick, be honest about that to yourself/your mum.

I would also try a final apology to his ex and just leave the new GF to get on with it and see if things settle down. Don't let her upset you and your mum - life's too short.

What are you going to do to get your valuable thing back by Sunday?

He has, I agree he's been a dick. He's quite selfish in general.

Yes, I think I will call ex and maybe say I appreciate things won't go back to normal but no hard feelings etc

Getting my valuable thing back - I think I'm gonna ask my DF to drop by tomorrow for me as a I was passing and I've been wittering on I need it for Sunday. Like it's not a big deal.

They've been together five minutes, BOTH on the rebound. suck it up for a few weeks, see what happens.

It will go one of two ways, they'll break up, or they'll grow closer (it's lust that's keeping them together) and then you can maybe sit her down and ask why she's being so curt with you.

A bitch is a bitch and we all know one/a few.

Haha haha thanks ginger lover 👩🏼‍🦰❤️

This is none of my business so feel free to ignore

Is there a bit of an age gap too?
You call her a girl that worked for you, and I can’t imagine calling someone a girl unless they were a good decade younger than me AND young. Your brother is more likely to be your age, and 12 years with him would likely put him well into his 30s.

I’m not putting money on his interest lasting.

I’m guessing at least 10 years between them.

No but, there is 5 years between me and my brother and she is 2 years younger than him.

His ex was his first childhood sweetheart (from very young) so he's never been single. Ever. Perhaps it won't last. Time will tell

Miss Marple I am not

Just wondering, if you used to be so close (weekends away etc), have you asked her why things have changed?

This is what I was talking to my mum about before posting here. I was going to but then me and my mum agreed she's not going to address it for one minute and she'll say there is no issue. I think they're just that into each other nothing else matters or something. I just feel abit used, were we so close so she could get closer to my brother? It worked as she's working for him and that was really down to me (can't be too specific with that I'm afraid)

This is how bazar the situation is, my mums just text she's put my valuable item through the window at mums house (leaves it open for her sassy cat). My mum was in?! No text nothing..she thought the cat had jumped on something thought nothing of it, then when she went in she's seen this item.

So weird. Shall I text gf, saying ah thanks for dropping at mums, she's just seen it and text me.

" I posted a pic a few weeks ago from sons christening as it came up on my Timehop. All godparents and family stood together in the church."

If an OP posted saying her SIL had done that, the SIL would be being called for everything.

Perhaps whilst you were helping her, she felt obliged. Coupled with her getting out of an abusive relationship, so she is suddenly asserting herself and doing what she actually wants to do.

Most of MN wouldn't want the relationship with their In-laws that you describe. It might have been alright when she was a friend, but now she's family, she might not want the family politics

Is she used to family being so intense? You say that she has no-one else to go to, or help her.

Very good points. Yeh she has parents and sisters but she's not close to them at all. Her mum cheated on her dad about a year ago so she doesn't speak to her mum. Sees dad occasionally and doesn't really speak to sisters. No friends.

That is v odd of her to shove item through your mum’s window! But at least you will have it back.

Wouldn’t bother texting your brother’s girlfriend about it.

Do think it’d be a good idea to try and speak to your brother’s ex - not to apologise for his behaviour or your (understandable given that he’s family) decision to be civil to OW / now his girlfriend. But to say you have been thinking about her, and would like to continue some level of contact if that is what she wishes.

Presumably your bro knew his last gf was godmother to his nephew? Does he think it's perfectly OK to deprive his nephew of his godmother just because he himself has ended his own relationship? Why should your son lose out?

I am in a similar situation to Sarah.

I met my best friend A good few years ago. Never met her older brother. They were in contact but I just had never met him. He left his wife and went to stay with my friend. I still didn't meet him, due to him working A lot. About 6 weeks after he left his wife, I left my husband. We actually met about 2 weeks later.

Fast forward a year and we are together as a couple. I am actually much closer to his family than him and see them more. I am very close to them.

However a family WhatsApp group as soon as being made official is weird. Your complaint about borrowing something is over the top.

And yes I wouldn't have been if dps sister had been posting happy memories of Dp and his ex when we were in our early days. It's like you were making a point.

The fact is that you can't blame her for your brother splitting, judge how quickly their relationship is moving, especially when he wasn't happy. Then try and smoother and force her to be part of the family.

It's very valuable and she was ignoring my requests to give it back. I kept pretty cool about it on the surface. I'm not going to keep going over things like the family whtsapp thing. But thanks for all of the input.

I'm gonna leave her to it for now and see what happens. I'm not acknowledging about her retuning the item through the window. It's pretty ridiculous and downright disrespectful. I will never get lend her anything again.

The godmother thing. I'm defs going to make contact, just need to make sure I do it the right way so need to think about it.

Her mum cheated on her dad about a year ago so she doesn't speak to her mum.

Seems hypocritical of her.

I suspect she over shared. You were there for her when she was struggling with her ex. You were a confidant and she told you lots of personal stuff. Now she is with your brother, she could be distancing herself because she feels you know too much, especially if you are in contact with his ex. If the 'ex' no contact request came from your brother or her - they clearly agree, which us immature and unreasonable but it seems a line has been drawn.

If she doesnt have many long term frienda and can walk away from family quite easily, then I can't see this and a temporary. Face it OP you knew a 'girl' she wanted you to see. Back away now, don't invite her to the lunch, I agree you don't need to 'thank' her for returning a valuable item via an open window and quietly remove her from the whats app group. Be friendly, polite but stop trying to body slam a closed door.

Good that you will ring his ex. Offer support but don't bitch - you just have to say 'ummm early day, you know how it is' and leave it like that.

Good luck OP

Really appreciate that @KC225 I will really take your advice on board. I think you're right. Thanks again

I don't understand why you cut contact with your brothers ex. She must feel completely rejected. You should call her and apologise for doing that to her. I can't imagine doing that to someone who I chose to be a part of my child's life.

I agree, I probably just thought doing what my brother wanted and the fact she hated him so much (understandably) made for an easy life an I assumed as she's blocked me of socials she didn't want to hear from me. But will reach out :)