Traumatic birth. Readmitted to same room

[CarmelitasMango]

Probably am BU as I know how short staffed the NHS is and how few beds there are. I know I'm lucky to have this healthcare, and am more looking for words of wisdom rather than to be told IABU.

I had a very traumatic birth 2 weeks ago. Huge failings on the midwives part, had a debrief and it's now sitting with the head of midwives who is going to contact me soon as she's not happy with what happened.

I was ignored and mistreated throughout my labour, and am now extremely down because of it and am being closely monitored by HV. I feel I am developing PND and GP agrees and has arranged for me to receive some counselling.

I now have endometritis and have been readmitted to hospital. The exact same side room I laboured in (nobody believed I was in labour so spent my entire labour in the MAU). It's brought back huge floods of memories and I've asked to be moved... they have no beds elsewhere... full!

What do I do? I can't cope with being here and just want to floor to swallow me up. I can hear babies crying and women in labour and I'm just so stressed by it all. If I could wish for anything it would be to give birth again without the trauma, which is how it could and should have been had my midwife been competent. Yes, if I had a choice I would go through it all again tomorrow. Listening to labouring women is for some reason really, really hard. WIBU to ask to switch me with someone else? Is that excessive? I feel IABU but this is really hard...

I'm a bit shocked by how many ppl have also been ignored about being in labour. I did the bulk of my labour in the waiting room, they wouldn't even let me into triage! That night it seemed to be a combo of not enough staff and staff assuming that a FTM would have a slow labour.

Hope the night wasn't too bad OP, been thinking of you xxx

These stories of women being ignored in labour are very disturbing.

Op I have some advice which will work but I will get flamed for it. I used it when I was close to post natal psychosis with dd2 and no one would listen.
I said i was having thoughts of self harming.
It is a sad indictment on our system that that is what it takes, but it worked. It wasn’t untrue, I was having those thoughts, wasn’t going to act on them at that point but knew it was heading down a bad road, and that I had to act.

Now pals is open can you get fil to contact them and luck up a stink?

Kick not luck!

How are you doing OP?

That has to be the most terrible advice I've ever seen on MN Effie

Still here. Still in the room. They're just too busy to move me.

I can't believe someone has suggested I pretend I'm suicidal. How awful.

@Crunchymum awful...

How are you feeling? Physically and emotionally?

To be fair she didn't say to say you are suicidal (but the advice wasn't too far off and was awful advice!)

Sorry, thinking of self harming, not suicidal. My mistake. Definitely shouldn't get the two of those mixed up.

I wouldn't recommend you doing this at all, it may have unforeseen consequences. But equally she isn't wrong, it can be very difficult to access mental health support in some parts of the country and self harm is something that can put you over the threshold for receiving help.

It's still bad advice OP.

How much longer are you in for? Do you know? Could DH stay with you tonight if you cannot move rooms?

I'm hopefully going home this evening but not sure. Funny feeling I'll still be here tomorrow as bloods have improved but not entirely better.

DH could stay but makes it difficult for him re work. He will stay until late though.

Baby has magically developed colic overnight. Oh man... :(

Sorry you’re going through this.

I was also ignored in labour, it went very fast and they didn’t believe me. I still remember them denying me gas and air and catching them rolling their eyes in a ‘stupid first time Mum’ way when I whispered I think I need to push. It was very traumatic to be belittled and ignored at such a vulnerable time and it took a long time to process it and has left me with a deep mistrust of midwives and hospitals.

Getting readmitted so soon must be very distressing. You must kick up a fuss. I didn’t in my labour and my god I wish I had done. You’ll likely never see these people again so kick up a fuss and threaten with PALS, it doesn’t matter what they think of you and I know if I was another woman in a side room I would happily swap with you, it’s really not a big deal that would make a huge difference for you.

If it helps my flashbacks gradually decreased and about 6 months on I felt I’d processed what had happened. I’m still angry when I think of it but that doesn’t happen often now. It’s tough now but you’ll be ok. Hope you’re not in long and congratulations on your lovely baby.

As horrible as I SOUND plz don't take it the wrong way! Just try not to think about it, focus as much on baby and getting better as you can. The only other place they could put you is on a ward full of other people and germs. At least u have a clean 'peaceful' environment. I had a traumatic birth to due to the midwife constantly leaving me alone, I honestly don't remember her being in the room for more than 2 minutes at a time and I ended up having a severe PPH and nearly died if it wasn't for the doctors rushing in I wouldn't be here so I really know how you feel x

I'm thinking of you OP

Poor you op. When I went back to the hospital for the first time after my traumatic birth I had a panic attack, so I completely understand. Where is your fil? Is he coming?