Traumatic birth. Readmitted to same room

[CarmelitasMango]

Probably am BU as I know how short staffed the NHS is and how few beds there are. I know I'm lucky to have this healthcare, and am more looking for words of wisdom rather than to be told IABU.

I had a very traumatic birth 2 weeks ago. Huge failings on the midwives part, had a debrief and it's now sitting with the head of midwives who is going to contact me soon as she's not happy with what happened.

I was ignored and mistreated throughout my labour, and am now extremely down because of it and am being closely monitored by HV. I feel I am developing PND and GP agrees and has arranged for me to receive some counselling.

I now have endometritis and have been readmitted to hospital. The exact same side room I laboured in (nobody believed I was in labour so spent my entire labour in the MAU). It's brought back huge floods of memories and I've asked to be moved... they have no beds elsewhere... full!

What do I do? I can't cope with being here and just want to floor to swallow me up. I can hear babies crying and women in labour and I'm just so stressed by it all. If I could wish for anything it would be to give birth again without the trauma, which is how it could and should have been had my midwife been competent. Yes, if I had a choice I would go through it all again tomorrow. Listening to labouring women is for some reason really, really hard. WIBU to ask to switch me with someone else? Is that excessive? I feel IABU but this is really hard...

I totally agree about she who shouts the loudest but please get someone to advocate for you, who can calmly and repeatedly state your needs and the reasons for them. This way you'll hopefully be moved as soon as there is availability and if it takes a while then at least you'll have a measure of control in the meantime (massively important to start rewiring your brain out of its traumatised state).

Get counselling sorted too. Someone mentioned the birth Trauma Association and they are a good place to start. I used to volunteer for them (psychotherapist specialising in trauma who had my own traumatic birth with my first years back) and they can hook you up with someone suitable. It will get better but, with appropriate support, help and empathy, the timeframe will be much less. Sending you a big hug xxx

Oh I guess that's why it doesn't add up.

What is endometritis? I've googled it about 5 times and nothing comes up.

I experienced similar except my child was stillborn and I had frequent appointments and monitoring in the very room where I learned her heart was no longer beating. I hated it but often there was just no choice.

Headphones for blocking the Labour noises help- can you get some dropped in? And keep telling yourself it’s just a room. Because it is. It’s just a room.

@Anyakatemar I'm so sorry you went through that. I lost a baby at 23 weeks, it's so hard.

The endometritis / endometriosis mix up with PPs here is yet another shining example of why it's a terrible idea to ask for medical advice on MN (not that you have OP, please don't get me wrong!)

OP, side rooms usually have a strict cleaning policy as they're used for infection control reasons. To swap from one side room to another would mean you and the other patient would have to wait in the corridor while both rooms are cleaned which would be unsafe for either of you as there would be no bedside equipment in case you become more unwell and also obviously not very safe from an infection perspective. I really hope there's some movement on the ward ASAP though and they can get you moved, it must be horribly difficult for you. Maternity wards usually have a high turnover of patients so hopefully will be very soon.

Ok so endometritis.

You could still come and go for antibiotics (or suggest it if appropriate and you feel able). I've known patients to do this.

I've also known patients to understandably request a different room because of traumatic events which is totally understandable.

It's because my bloody phone kept autocorrecting it. Then google kept correcting it. 🧐

I've got it now.

Do they have private rooms? Our maternity unit does and can ready them very quickly. I know people who gave used these after baby was born

Sorry I apparently can’t spell, was thinking someone had messed up somewhere (my faith in some HCP has been tested recently).

Hoping you’re on the mend soon & congratulations on baby 😊

@TheDayMyButtWentPsycho I can't leave and come back. My temperature is fluctuating between normal and 39.5c. My blood results were pretty poor and when I was first admitted I nearly passed out as I was in such a bad way. Definitely in the right place.

I'm just hoping that they find somewhere for me. I can see myself getting fed up, especially if I'm in this room for 48 hours, and just discharging myself because it's far too upsetting being here.

Where I work swapping rooms could take a while.... one of you would have to go somewhere (corridor? Reception?) whilst we got the room cleaned. To get the the room cleaned after 6pm we have to call a central help desk and they put the job on a list for their team. They can arrive anywhere between 10 minutes to an hour later. If a patient is in the room when they arrive they leave and you have to rebook the job. Cleaning itself doesn’t take too long. We could then move you across to the clean room then call the cleaners again to book a clean for your now vacated room. That would have to be a deep clean as you have an infection. Then original woman who moved could then go back into your room, anything from half an hour to two hours after vacating their original room. There can’t be too many patients on the maternity side rooms who could tolerate sitting at reception for that long not receiving care.

I am so so sorry this has all happened to you. One option would be to leave and go to the other hospital. I am not advising that but it’s a possibility.

@Wonkypalmtree I think the side rooms are the same as private rooms? It's a room as opposed to on a ward.

Thank you @Magair for explaining that.

My own silly fault for coming here in the first place!

What is endometritis? I've googled it about 5 times and nothing comes up.

Really? Because I just googled it and got the answer in 5 seconds. Maybe check your spelling.

Op, they will only listen if you kick up a fuss or have someone to do so on your behalf.

Section 20 of the Equality Act. They have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments ... Swapping rooms is reasonable.

Post traumatic stress feasibly expected to last 12 months and have a significantly adverse affect on you is legally protected.

Failure to make reasonable adjustments in those circumstances is unlawful discrimination.

Forcing you to stay in the room where you experienced such trauma could also be argued to be an Article 3 Human Rights Act violation - inhuman treatment.

Quoting law when people are being neglectful can be helpful. You shouldn't need to, but in my experience hospitals can be brutal and callous, so it helps. Trauma is an injury and it ought to be taken seriously.

They exist to care for you and protect you. The way you're being treated is not good enough. You are not in the wrong for asking for better. I am appalled they're teating you this way. It is inexcusable.

Take care

Ask to go to a gynaecology ward?

@AnoukSpirit I think you just gave me the words to use 🙏🏽 thank you.

@AnoukSpirit I also googled and it came up instantly...

Nobody should ever have to avoid hospital to protect themselves from being harmed. That's a perverse state of affairs.

It's not your fault.

And none of us should ever be expected to express gratitude for merely not being charged for the brutal and traumatic treatment we received in hospital. It's messed up.

Every time a patient is discharged from hospital with foreseeable, preventable trauma everyone should be ashamed to defend that institution. If we brush it under the carpet nothing will ever change and people will continue to be harmed.

The first part of the word refers to the endometrium and the itis means inflammation

Good luck. I will be hoping for you.

So sorry OP, I’m sure that just compounds your trauma. I really really hope you do get moved, but if not, know that you are stronger than you think and you can do this, you really can. Thinking of you.

OP I’m sorry that you are in this predicament. Are you able to make use of your rational brain to get you through tonight?

It is probably better for your baby that you are in a sideward. You wouldn’t want to put your LO at risk of infection.

Tell yourself you are doing this for DS. You shouldn’t have to, but it might give you a different focus. I hope you get moved tomorrow

Oh OP I am so so so so sorry to hear of your situation. It must be so terribly distressing. Pps above have had good advice on the room chance and I hope something happens there soon. In the meantime, can you close your eyes and go to a happy place just to try and distract you for a little bit? Can you imagine you're lying on your bed or stroking a much loved pet or something? Or even that you're on a beach somewhere. Can you imagine the sounds of the waves, the heat of the sun, the feel of the sand under your feet. Are there people on the beach? What are they wearing? Do you have a drink? Etc etc. It might not work at all but it could help distract you.

Just and I hope you can be moved soon.

Why was your birth traumatic ok? What happened?